Thursday, October 7, 2021, 10:11 pm

State of discharge

I am a battery.

Perhaps most introverts are.

Yet, it’s not entirely attached to my introvertedness.

In fact, the best “quick charge” I can get, is to plug in to female energy.

(Interpret that in whatever way you see fit.)

Sunday, October 3, 2021, 9:37 pm

F*cking Robert Frost

Fun fact: I love traveling and seeing new things. New experiences. &c.

Okay, maybe you knew that. If you’ve read this blog, much. Or follow me on the social media. Oh, wait.

Well, my Snatchers and Instafollowers know, anyway.

Anyway, the wanderlust was beginning to consume me again, so I opted to explore upper Michigan for the weekend. Yet, this half of the state is vast… where should I go?

I’m so close to Lake Superior. The Greatest Lake. As such, it’s also huge, so… where along the shoreline?

I chose Chapel Rock. It’s a short, well-trafficked hike, and looks incredible in pictures. Let’s go!

The trailhead is at the end of a rough road. A very rough road. Why the guy in front of me brought his Infiniti, I’ll never know…

Apparently, there is a place to get maps. The trailhead is not the place. They have one posted at the trailhead, so I snapped a picture on my phone. At least it’s something.

The entire trek to the Chapel Rock beach, 3.5 miles, I am encountering other hikers every fifteen minutes… at the most. There are a lot of people out here.

A lot of girls. Cute girls. I like it here. Incredible.

Some of the groups are noisy. Talking amongst themselves. Telling stories. I am glad I’m alone.

Will I ever find traveling companions that don’t chatter? Who knows?

And there’s a Mexican couple as well. Why must they listen to music on their phone?

Perhaps I am the only one who enjoys the sound(s) of nature. And other people chattering.

Three-ish miles later, I find the lake. And Chapel Rock. Incredible.

Seriously. It feels like the edge of the world.

The Mexican girl arrived only two minutes before I did. Her cries of joy and awe didn’t even prepare me for the sight.

Wow. Incredible.

The rocks. The cliff. The lake. The white sand beach. The water is so clear. So cold. Incredible.

I must have explored the area for an hour.

And I found a trail that headed away from the beach. Complete with a boardwalk for part of the trail. Perfect. I still might make it back to Wisconsin in time for dinner. With a couple of cute girls. And dessert.

My watch says I’m making good time. A half mile passes. A mile.

And I notice… I haven’t seen. A soul. Since the beach.

Okay, Robert Frost. I guess this is the path less traveled.

[ more.. ]

Saturday, October 2, 2021, 8:54 pm

Imperial concubine

I discovered a new Thai restaurant tonight.

New to me, anyway. Traveling in the UP of Michigan.

What is it about Asian restaurants? Where do they find these tables?

I. Was. Mesmerized. by the art on my table.

Seriously, I want this art. Hanging. In my flat.

So, how do I go about finding it? This. Is a great question.

This. Is why God gave us the internet, right? So, I snapped a picture of the tabletop.

Certainly, it’s a “reproduction” of a real Chinese silk painting, right?

Certainly.

Well…

So far, the internet has failed me. Image search engines, as wonderful as they are, failed me.

Wait! There’s text on the artwork! That’ll help, right?

貴妃 出浴

Translation apps tell me this reads: Imperial Concubine.

More web searching. Nothing.

Some similar Chinese silk paintings. But not this one.

Thanks. My obsession is fully triggered. Now I MUST have this art. In my flat.

How do I go about finding it? Suggestions? Certainly, this table. Isn’t. The only one.

Friday, October 1, 2021, 8:35 am

Eye : Lens :: Ear : ___

I recently discovered analogies have been removed from the SAT… apparently for reasons I cannot defend against, as a former test taker.

Yet, I remember them well. Nostalgia.

I also remember being great at them.

Of course, I cannot understand how you can NOT be great at them. Especially since it’s a multiple choice test. The answer is one of the four.

Yet, are they really?

Analogies in a multiple choice test? Yes.

But imagine creating them for the test… or finishing the analogy, without the choices.

This is where I struggle.

You see, over the summer, I have been listening to pop music through a different “lens.”

No, that’s not the right word.

Hence the analogy. Eye is to lens as ear is to… what?

Filter? Does that seem right? That’s the closest answer I’ve been able to come up with. And I’ve been obsessed with finding a better answer.

My OCD manifests itself in strange ways.

Thursday, September 30, 2021, 5:47 am

Those who can, do; those who cannot...

A few weeks ago, I had an intriguing conversation with a high school girl.

Leah was trying to convince me I should be a teacher. And that she’d take my class.

Kýrie, eléison.

Leah is a senior this year. A gorgeous 18-year-old brunette with brown eyes.

Christé, eléison.

I have a weakness for brown-eyed girls. Being placed in a position of “authority” over a room of underaged ones with raging hormones? Well, isn’t that a recipe for disaster?

Kýrie, eléison.

Then again…

Maybe she’s not wrong. Over the last thirteen weeks, I have taken a course and discovered a group of men I respect and admire very much. I am learning to reclaim my masculinity within a society that rejects it… in a way that respects all femininity. And one (of many) insights that jump out from the experience is this: “In order to understand, teach.”

Perhaps I don’t need to teach in school. Or become that eccentric adjunct in university that clearly does it because he loves it. Perhaps this student of life should become a teacher. Of life.

This morning, in my inbox, was an invitation. To become. A teacher.

Do you believe in serendipity? I am not certain I do.

Yet, it cannot hurt to follow up… can it?

Do I have anything to teach? Do I have anything to share? After all, my life has mostly been a series of failures… and avoidance.

Ladies and gentleman, it appears we have something to discuss.

Regret is a sin.

Wednesday, September 29, 2021, 8:18 pm

Evening snack

Then there are those days I just want toast.

With butter. And a li’l jelly.

And there are others I’d like a tasty snack. To sit. On my face.

Why am I still thinking of her?

I guess we’re all struggling toward Utopia, a good place yet also a place that cannot be.

Monday, September 27, 2021, 11:14 am

Emergence

Tonight I'm crawling out from in it
And though we're livin' on the brink
Second by second by minute by minute
What i'm listening to:
Working Class Dog Love Is Alright Tonite
Rick Springfield
Working Class Dog

Monday, September 27, 2021, 9:23 am

Simply smoke and mirrors

I am not a legend. I’m a fraud.

Three recent reads have torn the veil around my soul… such that it is. After all, I have blue eyes, and blue-eyed people have no soul.

In her second book, Langley re-introduced me to the idea of limbo—yet with a fresh take on it.

Limbo is an unconscious state. When people are in limbo they believe they have no control over their feelings, which is why their feelings can be so easily manipulated.

So, limbo is like a holding pattern. And like many… I am content to stay there. And do nothing.

Often, I find solitude therapeutic. However, this time I’m being hounded by my saboteur. She’s calling me a “Viejo.” She’s reminding me just how unworthy I usually feel. Which is where Chapman’s book attacks.

To request a toy was to receive a lecture on the sad state of family finances. The child went away feeling guilty for having the desire, and he quickly learned not to express his desires.

Hence the fog I find myself living in most days. At least the days when I am between purposes. My desires have been suppressed to the point where I don’t even believe I have desires. And I don’t know how to express them. And they simply evaporate when the lovely lady the expressions are directed toward… evaporates.

And here I sit. In my cottage. In the woods. Between purposes.

I set a handful of goals over the summer. All have been achieved, or at least run their course. And I enjoyed a thirteen week course designed to change my life.

In many ways it did. I am not the same person I was before… yet…

We’re at the end of the thirteen weeks. My mind has returned to neutral.

You can see why happiness can be so elusive. The mind is only “happy” when attention is focused on something, because otherwise it has nothing to do. When the mind has nothing to do it seeks out and creates problems in order to find something to do. This is why people are constantly striving for things, as well as why they become restless and unhappy after they get the things for which they have been striving. Therefore, the final attainment of a pursuit can never bring happiness, because our attention is only focused during the attainment process.

This. Is what my mind is doing. It is reminding me of my wasted youth. Reminding me I am unworthy. That I am not funny. It is taking me to some very dark places… void of desire. And beauty.

I’m not writing. I’m not exercising. I’m not running, nor walking. I’m not fucking. I’m not even drinking. Nor eating.

Old legends never die. They just lose weight.

Looks like a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot alike…

It’s like I’m simply waiting. Yet what I am waiting for will not find me. In my cottage. In the woods.

I must go for a run. Kelly is right when she says a run in the morning makes the day better. Being one with nature. And defeating your internal saboteur.

And I must remember to seek beauty. Every. Day. Witnessing beauty lights me up. And I clearly light her up when we meet.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Friday, September 24, 2021, 1:47 pm

Old fashioned

Soda does not belong in this drink… ever.

I may not belong here.

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