Back in the '90s there was a small movie called Strange Days. When I first saw it, I was enthralled... I thought it was awesome!

I'd say it is still in my Top 10.

Anyway, the movie features a device that uses SQUID technology to record and playback a person's experiences directly out of or into one's brain. Lenny, the lead character (played by Ralph Fiennes), walks on the line selling erotic "clips" of this stuff.

I'm not going to go into the plot of the movie, but I will say that if you haven't seen it and want to check it out, it's pretty intense! I suppose most didn't care for it, because you can usually find it on the dollar rack at the used CD stores.

There are a couple of scenes where characters are dealt with by maxxing out the gain on the device and frying their brains... too much digital information crammed in at once, perhaps?

That's how I've been feeling. I've been mindfeeding so much that I haven't given myself enough time to digest the information before I take in more.

So, I'm taking the weekend off... kind of. I plan on drilling a few "lines" in addition to working on my lines for my acting class, but beyond that, I'm not going to read anything new.

I hope.

Friday night, I'm going to go out and have some fun. Last night, I found myself a wing man, learned that my wing girls will be partying on Friday... and also ran into "Paige" and "Katie," who re-introduced me to "Lisa." Lisa used to be a teller at my bank, and now she's shifted to another branch.

They're a fun bunch of girls, we'll see if anything develops there... I almost know them too well to get involved at this point.

What i'm listening to:

Shimmer
Fuel
Sunburn

The pain was excruciating. All I could think about was how to end it, but what would work.

Ice. That was the answer. If I crunch on enough ice cubes, that will numb my mouth and make the pain go away. One fascinating thing about pain is that it really does turn off the rational part of the mind... all that matters is that emotional satisfaction of escaping the pain.

Even though crunching ice is more likely to complicate a toothache.

However in this case, I was crunching the ice cubes, but nothing was happening. I could feel the texture of them (or lack thereof), and I could feel how wet and cold they were... but when I crunch them?

Nothing.

No cold sensation. No numbing. Just pain.

Odd.

Finally, the pain got so bad that I...

woke up. Not only did I wake up, but I woke up with a phantom toothache. I didn't really have a toothache, which made for a really weird dream. And disturbing. After two hours of sleep, now I'm sitting bolt upright awakened by a toothache that doesn't exist.

Bollocks! As if insomnia isn't already a problem for me... sheesh!

So, I'm up... I do some reading, some rehearsing of my lines, watch some television, and I answer a couple of emails. Then I go back to bed.

This time dreamland isn't so willing to let me go. Making appearances in my dream are: a high school girl friend, our unborn child, Ronald Weasley, an auditorium full of people, and... the rest is starting to slip away from me.

Hi, M!

Anyway, the dream was an indicator of a fantastic night of sleep... that only made me a few hours late this morning. Ugh!

Then there's the hangnail. Don't you just hate those? Especially when you don't have a pair of nippers, so you bite it... and it peels off of your finger like a banana?

Ow!

Anyway, sucking on my damaged finger last night before class turned out to be my opener with a lovely brunette... actually, she opened me! Later, we spent the entire break talking. No details worth mentioning here... yet. ;^)

And finally, thanks to my late start, I wasn't in the best mood... so I decided to test something. It's true what they say, the best way to get out of a bad mood is to open a couple of sets.

Perhaps the "overload" is doing me some good... at least some of this is finally drilled in, I do without thinking about it. I'm finally getting out of my head and into the game!

How did the joke go? The high school student raises her hand, and when called upon, asks, "May I be excused, Miss Snook? My brain is full."

That's how I feel. Ok, I'm not worried about getting anymore information in there, but I am worried about making sense of what's in there and what is yet to come.

It just feels like I've been processing and processing and processing. Like when you're annoyed because your computer is running slow and that hard drive light just won't go out.

Yeah, it feels kinda like that. I didn't even go out this weekend... just didn't feel like it.

So, it would appear that my social education is about to slow down a bit. It's going to have to. I have got to get some of this information figured out, so I can get this stuff handled.

It's affecting my eating, my schoolwork, and my sleep.

Today's XKCD made me laugh... because it always seems so relevant! If my work schedule were more flexible, I'd love to try this sleep cycle out... despite the disclaimer that it would drive me "stark raving mad."

Small price to pay, isn't it? ;^)

In one of the books I recently finished, someone was working on what he called the "sleep diet." This "diet" he spoke of refers to polyphasic sleep, which is based on our 4-hour ultradian rhythms. You sleep for 20-30 minutes every four hours, and it gives you more "awake" time in the day, because you average two and a half hours of sleep per day.

Supposedly, if you stick with it for 10 days, you've got it made... although some symptoms include grumpiness, lack of focus and increased appetite.

I probably shouldn't try it, since I already have a problem with those. ;^)

I have to do something though. I didn't go out this weekend, under the premise of getting things done around the house, getting to the library, working out, etc.

Well, I didn't do any of that... instead I did more mind-feeding. No wonder my brain is "full" and I cannot concentrate.

I cannot get into the zone.

Ok, let's re-frame that.

What can I do to get into the zone?

Perhaps I should start with a sleep diet? =^P

Friday night, I did go out to the gym. Of all I've been working on, my workouts are currently the most consistent. "Faye" was there, and we ended up talking for a half hour. We talked about classes, homework and somehow our conversation segued into pizza and milk. She's been showing interest for a while, but now I wonder if it is too late to try to number-close with her... or anything else?

I'm afraid I've slipped into the "friend" zone with her, because I know she's a bit less wild than most of the girls I consort with... and I don't know how to escalate without creeping her out. If anyone can offer some suggestions, feel free!

Wow, perhaps I need to just dump all of this information I've read. Why? Because I'm clearly overthinking everything again. I'm focused inward again, constantly trying to sort out everything.

I need to focus outward, and let the world slip away... get in the zone.

So, now that I know what I need to do... it's time to do it.

What i'm listening to:

Fine Again
Liz Phair
comeandgetit

Ok, let me start this post by stating that I abhor reality television. I think it is both pathetic and sad some of the stuff people will watch. Survivor is the worst, and least believable, followed by The Apprentice and The Bachelor/Bachelorette.

Now, I have to admit that I've never seen the shows that started this craze... chiefly The Real World. Of course, I'm of the mindset that I'll start watching MTV if they actually get back to the videos.

However, I always enjoyed the show Blind Date, which used to annoy and irritate the ex to no end. I think I liked it because it featured average frustrated chumps like myself, and it was fun to watch what worked and what didn't.

And just how pathetic and needy some guys actually are... even the great-looking ones!

Then I started watching The Surreal Life, but that was mostly morbid curiosity. There were no eliminations, just a bunch of has-beens trying to co-exist for a few weeks. Looking back, the premise is pretty weak, which probably explains why I stopped watching after one season.

This past summer, I settled into watching The Simple Life, which mostly passed for mindless entertainment in a void of television entertainment. I don't recall a summer in recent history during which I had nothing to watch on television. Besides, as I've mentioned before I have this fascination with Paris.

For what it's worth, I don't remember much of last summer at all... which is probably just as well.

A week ago, I started "catching up" on the first elimination-based reality show I've ever watched. Part of it was curiosity, part of it fascination, and part of it was an eagerness to see what AFCs do to fix what doesn't work... and what they do that works.

Enter The Pick Up Artist. VH-1 threw 8 average guys together for boot camp with master pick up artist, Mystery. I must say, I've been thoroughly entertained, and I was accurate at picking out the final three from the first episode.

A couple of the guys I was sad to see go, because their mistakes remind me of so many of mine, others were unimpressive or asses, and shouldn't have lasted as long as they did.

One was an extraordinarily obnoxious ass, and I would have knocked him on his ass more than once had he pulled some of that shit on me. Seriously.

I'm not even a violent person!

Anyway, I just finished the last episode, and something that was said hit me... largely because my acting instructor mentioned the exact same thing on Wednesday night. Now I'm writing it down, because I cannot count on the fates to drive the idea home one more time... and I cannot risk losing it forever.

It is the reason I need a passion for what I am doing at the moment. No, not this moment, that moment when I'm doing something important. Doing something that ignites my passions to where my inner thoughts and the surrounding environment both dissolve.

And time literally slows down. Like the football player in the zone, he sees the action slow enough to do what needs to be done. And the boxer. And the actor.

And me.

This is why I find my acting class so fascinating. It isn't the women, it isn't the idea of getting on stage... it's learning to get in the zone and get it done.

I'm finally getting it! It's about damned time! =^D

What i'm listening to:

Love Will Never Do (Without You)
Janet Jackson
Rhythm Nation 1814

I have been spending some time re-organizing iTunes. Why? Well, my nano is perpetually full and frequently doesn't allow the changes I try to make in my workout music.

Then, there is the new toy. I'll need to figure out how I'm going to handle that music collection by next month.

Anyway, I've been getting some smart playlist ideas from the forums at iLounge. Some of them do some magical things in iTunes, but my old 3G iPod does less magical things after the songs play.

One playlist that is suiting me quite well is titled '1 Hour Fresh Mix'.

My iPod appears to be caught up on sleep... the battery is running between five and six hours again, which is enough to get me through a work day with time removed for interruptions/meetings/other b.s.

Last night, I managed to get in a good back workout. I'm finally managing to get back into a routine, which should help.

I have to admit that I'm a bit freaked out. I'm at that stage where I'm gaining weight. However, my 28-inch jeans still fit (quite comfortably, in fact!), so I don't think it's "fat" weight.

That will take some getting used to. I'm the heaviest I've been in the last year, but at least I'm not "out of shape" and not too heavy to continue my running.

And I saw 'A' at the gym last night. It seems she missed me, because the first thing she said after I made her smile was, "Haven't seen you here in a while."

I like her, we'll have to see how things turn out.

Also last night, I realized my stack of books "to read" must have ended up in my basement, so I just grabbed one off of the shelf and started it. We'll see how it goes.

The last couple of books have given me plenty to think about (which may surprise some!), and I intend to post comments on them in the near future.

Tonight, my acting class meets. Words cannot describe how much I'm looking forward to it. If any class were to offer me a "transformational experience," this would be the one.

What i'm listening to:

Fantasy
Aldo Nova
Aldo Nova

Waaay back in the 80s, there was a show on television called Night Court. I don't remember much about it, except that at the time it was on preceded my irritation at Harry Anderson and John Larroquette I possess today.

Beyond that, I don't remember much... save that I watched it.

The one Night Court moment I remember clearly involved Richard Moll's character, Bull. I don't even remember what the plot of this episode was, I just remember that Bull was standing under a light bulb, and when he had this idea, his expression synced up with the illumination of the light bulb perfectly.

And I fell out of my chair, because I was laughing so hard. Probably swallowed my gum too, since I tended to chew a lot of gum back then.

Yeah, it felt kind of like that.

I am taking a history class that centers around the subject of "The Grand Tour." For those who are unaware, this is where English gentlemen (and some women), who were not the firstborn heirs, would travel across the European continent to see what there was to see.

Part of the readings for this class involve the writings of a fellow named Smollett, as well as the writings of a fellow named Sterne.

Now Smollett, in my mind typifies most people I know. He is in rather poor health, and decided to travel from England to Italy and back... and it is quite apparent in his book that he hates everything. All he does is bitch about prices and policies and people and dirt and people and whatever else he can find to bitch about.

Sterne (also a sickly man) on the other hand, did not write about that. In fact, for his travel journals, he didn't really write about anything. The reader gets no idea of Calais or Paris or Versailles. He writes about the people.

His writing focuses on what he finds important. He goes through life interested in how people respond to him, he studies them, and how they react to him.

He enjoys life, even though his condition is more advanced than Smollett's. He completely abandons the minute descriptions of trip details that are the norm in that era, writing absolutely nothing about the places. However, he goes into great detail about the ladies he "crushes" on, and the ladies that his servant falls for.

Who would have guessed that my enlightenment would have come from the eighteenth century?

In the reading of these books and the subsequent discussion, I realized the crux of my problem. I don't want to be like Smollett. Too many people are like that.

I want to be like Sterne. The history class is made up mostly of women, and I could see and hear that the women in the class found Sterne very attractive, and were repulsed by Smollett.

It was amazing.

I went into the class at a low point, which carried into the break. During the break, I made eye contact with a lovely "9" in my class, but did not feel that my game was there.

But the realization of who I want to be more like was transforming. After class, I ended up walking the same "9" to her car, all the while discussing the class, the readings, and people we know like Smollett... making fun of people like "Smelfungus" (Sterne's pet name for Smollett).

It was magical. This is going to be a great thing.

One of the "self-improvement" DVD's I watched over the weekend offered the following nugget to consider:

If you're not relaxed OR having fun, consider that you're NOT PRESENT.

I have seen so much of this in the people I hang around with, but now I actually feel like I get it.

Now I know what's missing, and what to focus on, and the reasons why.

And, now that I've made a note of it, I can refer to it when I don't feel present.

This is truly a breakthrough!

What i'm listening to:

Room at the Top
Adam Ant
Manners & Physique

This weekend consisted of a stream of reminders why I've always been afraid to try new things.

Saturday night, I was told by a friend that I'm depressed. I thought it was funny, because I didn't feel depressed. Today, on the other hand...

So, maybe he saw it coming. However, I was able to turn my night around... until I did something stupid which ended the night quickly.

I'm not going to go into details. I'm just trying to get around it and move on. Let's just say that I tried something new and bad things happened.

I've been keeping an eye on a couple of friends who are "living the dream," and just kind of observing. I suppose you could say I have the attitude of, "If they can do it, I can do it."

Well, they are "doing" it, but the results aren't anything stellar... or really even what I'd expected.

Of course, my mileage may vary. And probably will.

For now, I'm just concentrating on the highlights of the weekend. "Mary" surprised me on Saturday night with an immediate IOI, which I didn't blow... so that's a good thing. I also met a lovely girl on extended holiday from Dublin (don't tell her boyfriend, but she doesn't intend to go back), got reacquainted with another lovely young gal from a previous history class, and eased some of the doubts a friend of mine has that I can approach women.

Sunday, I ventured out of the house because I was craving some white-Mexican food ("Mexican" food made by white people, statement not intended to be negative or derogatory... it is merely a fact that it is different from authentic Mexican food), and discovered that the place isn't open on Sundays. So much for living in the modern age.

So, I made the trek across town from there for my usual Chinese take-out location... they took the day off.

I ended up with a crabmeat sub sandwich... which was very tasty, even if it wasn't my first choice.

The Target was also out of Diet A&W Root Beer... which always seems to be the case when it goes on sale. Why is that? Do I really have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn just to get some Diet Root Beer?

I spent the rest of the day watching "self-improvement" DVDs and reading one of my homework assignments. Even though I'm a bit in the doldrums today, I did get something out of those DVDs... so that's a good thing.

Now if I could just fix my judgement. My perception these days isn't worth a shit!

Until I get over myself this time, I'll just keep putting my energy into rebuilding my playlists on my iPods.

What i'm listening to:

Magnet and Steel
Walter Egan
Not Shy

Clearly, I do not have enough to do today!

Anyway, there was a discussion about Britney Spears in the office this morning. What went wrong at the VMAs? What went right? Is her career over?

I'm going to expand on an idea that I read on some LiveJournal entry earlier in the week.

Someone had posted a story saying that Simon Cowell and the other judges from American Idol would gladly help make her a superstar again.

As much as I despise "reality" television, I think they may have something there. The climate is certainly right, and if she could learn to laugh at herself once in a while this could be the big promotion she needs! After all, look at what The Simple Life did for Paris and Nicole!

They could start off with putting her on some diet, with her sneaking out to get burgers and fries, have her hit the gym, dance lessons, time management seminars, blah, blah, blah.

The possibilities are endless. Hell, they could probably make a show featuring Lindsay in rehab and it would be huge.

It's amazing what people would watch, but I might actually watch a show dedicated to the rebuilding of a superstar. A big part of that is because that lifestyle currently fascinates me.

I think a big step, which I've already mentioned, is that Britney needs to have a laugh and quit taking herself quite so seriously.

While I like a couple of her songs, I have to say I'm not a huge fan. From what I've seen in interviews, etc., I don't think she's the kind of person I'd like.

Perhaps that is part of Paris's draw on me. She gets the "joke" of being in the constant spotlight, and most of the time she just has a laugh and doesn't let it get to her. That's very big... we can all use a little of that!

Anyway, babe... have your people give my people a call! =^)

What i'm listening to:

Toxic
Britney Spears
In the Zone

Last night, I made an observation. Actually, I'd been observing for several months now that hot girls don't wear Levi's.

In fact, every hot girl I've talked to lately has been wearing a pair of designer jeans. A couple have even been complimented on them.

I don't know if I'm becoming shallow with my fashion and looks obsession, but I don't really think it's going to matter at this stage of my life. So, I made a conscious decision to be shallow.

I'm not going to date anyone who isn't at least a seven. To put this in perspective, I would classify "C" as a 5.

But, she wore Levi's. For that I should dock her to a 4.5. However, in my defense, in that small town in the great white north I was overwhelmed by this sense of scarcity. I held onto her, because I thought she was the best I could do. At the time it was better than being alone.

Of course, I'll continue talking to everyone... that's all part of the game.

So, why did I pick seven? Why not just be a total ass and say nine or ten?

Because, and this will sound like a total ass, I haven't seen a ten around here... and there are very, very few nines.

Until I make that migration to Colorado, Arizona, or the Vegas... I'll settle for less. =^P

So, I will apologize to all of the "okay" looking girls for the opportunities they will be missing with me... but I'm sure we can still be friends. I'm not above being friends!

Besides, one can argue that there is no such thing as an ugly girl... only a lazy one. Anyone can make herself over into a nine or ten.

That's just who I am and how I feel. I don't make any apologies for it.

What i'm listening to:

Not Ur Girl
Katharine McPhee
Katharine McPhee