Tuesday, May 2, 2017, 10:36 am

Do not disturb

Somedays, I think that the person who came up with “Do Not Disturb” mode on today’s smart phones was thinking of me. My phone simply lives there.

It’s the ultimate detachment. It brings back the charm of the early cell phones with text messaging, “Oh, look! I have a message!”

I actively look when I have a spare moment. The message doesn’t actively pull me away from the wonderful conversation with my coffee shop date.

As it should be.

Stop being a slave to notifications.

Seriously, your life is passing you by. Live it!

What i'm listening to:
Please West End Girls
Pet Shop Boys

Tuesday, April 25, 2017, 6:57 pm

A perfect date...

Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

What i'm listening to:
Tigerlily Carnival
Natalie Merchant

Friday, April 21, 2017, 4:02 pm

Detaching from outcomes

As a child, the public school system and my parents and society in general indoctrinated me with the absolute horrors of sex. I really think the goal was to make kids terrified.

Of course, it wouldn’t work on all of the kids... but on the introverted kids who always overthink things, it worked. Too well.

As an adult, in the dating world, it has presented me with a terrible dilemma.

You see, as an adult I am still learning to detach from outcomes... from expectations. And I’m learning that the release from outcomes and expectations is quite. simply. wonderful.

I now understand life is not meant to be 100% planned. It is frequently better to just flow with the tide and see where you end up.

And you end up in some beautiful places. With some beautiful women. In some incredible situations. And you get... lucky.

Very. lucky.

So, you decide to prepare for the next opportunity. Protection. It’s responsible. It’s the thing to do, right?

It turns out that there is a fine line between letting go of outcomes and carrying a condom in your pocket. And it’s enough to salt your game.

By simply carrying the condom, you’re telling your subconsciousness you’re expecting to have the sex.

And that’s enough. It changes your body language, the way you present yourself, your actions, your words. And she can pick up on that.

If her self-esteem is low, or if she’s incredibly horny, it may not matter so much.

But if she’s so hot. Or she’s unsure about how far she wants to go with you. It’s enough. She can sense that you want something from her. She becomes an object. She goes on guard. She decides that cucumber will suffice for the evening.

And you’ll go home alone.

Which explains why so many “players” in my life managed to get in “trouble” so many times. They go in without expectation. That freedom alone increases their attractability ten-fold. They are SEXY.

Some girls carry protection... they don’t want to get in “trouble” either. But many don’t. And if you don’t, and things happen.

Acceptable risk? Perhaps.

I have a friend who’s facing the same crux. But he has an advantage. He’s a total transient right now. Everything he has is within reach. Meaning condoms aren’t necessarily with him because he’s ready for sex, they’re with him because, well, where else would they be?

There must be a balance. Maybe it’s just managing the mindset. Taking the release of expectation to the next level.

It’s time to find out.

What i'm listening to:
Loud S&M

Saturday, April 8, 2017, 9:43 am

The lonely plight of the enlightened

As long as I can remember, I’ve always been a deep thinker. Maybe what I think about is nonsense, maybe it’s not, but it’s always there. I am always watching what’s happening in my life from a viewpoint outside of my person. Weird, right? It’s a bit like watching a movie... albeit, not a very good one.

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot about happiness, embracing my introvertedness by being me first, reinvention, and getting in flow. However, one trap I fall into by reading too much and devouring knowledge is that my focus shifts to the reading and learning.

As if I’m preparing for a test.

In high school and college, I was a test taker. Math tests, science tests, history tests, I could ace them all with little to no preparation. After high school, I abandoned mathematics and the sciences because it seemed there was only one right answer (maybe two) and the rest were wrong. Following that realization, those classes that had previously been my strengths bored me.

In college, I became a history major. I feel like now, while I enjoy learning about history... even find passion there at times, I became a history major for the wrong reasons.

I was fascinated with the essay exam. Here was a test with no clear cut right answer. Here was a test where not knowing the answer didn’t necessarily equal failure. Intriguing, right?

So, I mastered the essay exam. Again, I’m a test taker... but somehow still lacking the practical knowledge I was supposed to learn.

Go ahead, ask me what I learned from Dr. Birkholz’s biology class about cells. Ask me how to find the limit of an equation. Ask me how to conjugate verbs in French. I don’t recall.

Ask me what I remember about Ms. Curtiss’s history lessons, and I’ll say I remember how great the girl who sat next to me looked, smelled, and made me feel. every. day. And maybe a little about enlightenment and the French Revolution.

Fast forward to today. I am currently 23 books in my yearly goal, and each book has great information to offer... but even that information, absorbed so recently, is slipping away. Sigh.

Inspiration never seems to last, and the darkness always returns. Focus dissolves as the distraction of a pretty blue-eyed blonde with perfect freckles on her perfect tits presents itself. And I know how to get her too. I have learned so much about making the perfect girl my own... someone to share life with. I have learned so much about never settling.

Yet, unapplied knowledge just slips away. I can never seem to slip outside of my mind long enough to apply practical knowledge and make it stick.

Then there’s the darkness that is always lingering not far... the darkness that, ironically, is a result of my enlightenment. So many people I meet have faith. Faith in God. Faith in people. Faith in the planet. Faith in humanity. Faith in the sciences.

All I see is an end goal. One that is the same whether you’re a happy person... or you’re not.

One may bask at the warm fire of faith or choose to live in the bleak uncertainty of reason—but one cannot have both.

So true.

I know there is an abundance in the world, and I need to lose this scarcity mindset and never settle. But, as mentioned earlier, the Tinder girls are looking for more than a match. They no longer look for sex without strings, they’re hoping to find true love. They may find it.

But for all the abundance in the world, I’m feeling lonely. I have yet to meet the girl who revs my engine that doesn’t lose me with her own limiting beliefs.

It may be time to focus on me again. Start applying this newfound knowledge before I lose it forever. Find me, then maybe she will find me too.

What i'm listening to:
Born in the USA Dancing in the Dark
Bruce Springsteen
Born in the USA

Tuesday, April 4, 2017, 7:49 pm

Low battery

Sometimes, I just have to ask myself how I’ll survive the vampires.

After finishing Quiet, I’ve learned why everyone seems to be a vampire. I’ve discovered that glorious solitude is actually something I need to recharge.

I now know why I frequently need naps after social interactions. Why I avoid questions from others and don’t ask any myself. Why even the briefest and most innocent interruption can disrupt my flow.

I’m just that introverted.

The book did provide some pointers on presenting an extroverted façade and how to plan li’l escapes to get through being social. Those will be put to practical use... definitely.

Overcoming myself is the biggest hurdle I’ve enountered since I’ve learned to be social over the last several years. I do remember when I was learning how to interact with others and carry a conversation, I’d find one of those moments of flow... and when I was in flow, I didn’t get tired. In fact, I slept less at that point of my life than ever.

Hmm... maybe that’s what’s wrong with my growth at this point. I haven’t pushed far enough outside of my comfort zone to hit flow. Without it, I just look forward to escape. To solitude. To a rainy day nap.

Time to step up that game, work on getting better again, and push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. To grow. To re-adopt the mantra that pulled me through the dark times.

Be social.

What i'm listening to:
Dosage Heavy
Collective Soul

Friday, March 31, 2017, 9:22 am

Swiping through

I decided to give the Tinder app on my phone another shot. Why not, right?

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve discovered that Tinder is apparently no longer for “hooking up,” at least not in this area of the midwest. Nothing like reading Match profile after Match profile, all clarifying “no hook ups.”

Yet, these gals are getting it wrong. Most have text asking guys to message with questions or even just to say, “Hi.” Unless I’m missing something, Tinder doesn’t allow you to message someone who hasn’t swiped right for you.

It’s not supposed to.

I played with Tinder a few years ago, and ended up messaging back and forth with a lonely gal who was there for conversation. As if you cannot find conversation in other places... Facebook (oh, but I can’t accept a friend request if I don’t know the person), for instance.

So, how do you use the app to actually MEET people? Time will tell the tale.

How I envisioned the app working is: See girl you find adequate, swipe right, get match notification when she swipes right, share little white lies to each other to boost attractability, get logistics, hook up.

I know people who do this? What is in their profiles? Where are these girls? Why are all the girls I see looking for:

Spontaneous, fun girl who loves the outdoors, KU Basketball and trying new things. Feed me pizza and I’ll love you forever. If you don’t want to take the time to get to know me, swipe left. Not here for pen pals or Snapchat sexting. Looking for friends first, then we’ll see where things go. Oh, and I probably swiped right for your dog.

Talk about mixed messages... that don’t matter anyway, because she swiped left on your profile.

Of course, what you write for a profile matters... a little. If you don’t have a solid picture showing that girls at least “like” you, they won’t take the extra tap to see what you’re about. Some of us DO have a face for radio.

So, you have to write something catchy. Something that states intent without stating intent. Something truthful enough to pull off. Although the end goal remains the same: the hook up. Channel your inner Tucker Max.

As someone who has great success meeting women in real life, the Tinder experience leaves me a bit cold.

And I may have figured out why.

Women are not wired to be attracted to looks. They want a sense of humor and someone who’ll make them feel safe and secure. Yet, the quick swipe nature of Tinder encourages them to make quick judgements, and the extra tap to read what a guy is about is an obstacle. So, most girls swipe right on “hot” guys. The “hot” girls anyway.

Men, on the other had, are clearly what the Tinder interface is designed for. Men are looking for the perfect combination of tits, ass, and appearance. If she’s “hot,” we didn’t do the extra tap to see if she’s looking for a saint, sinner, hook up, or a billionaire hubby, we just swiped right.

And girls & guys alike wonder why catfishing runs wild.

It seems there might be a way to use Tinder to bridge this gap... hmm.

And don’t even get me started on the bots. If anything, the bots teach you how to message the real girls, because once you ascertain you’re chatting with a bot, you can say anything.

Fool, why aren’t you saying ANYTHING to the real girls. Be you. Be funny. Meeting others isn’t supposed to be so hard.

Maybe no one likes sex anymore.

But it’s fun, so I’ll keep on swiping for now.

What i'm listening to:
Aphrodite Get Out of My Way
Kylie Minogue

Thursday, March 30, 2017, 10:38 am

Gap-toothed grin

Many moons ago I wrote a post about breaking a tooth, and how it might affect my appearance.

Since I am a baller on a budget with inadequate health and dental insurance, I have taken steps to get my teeth taken care of. I’m back under a regimen of cleanings and whitenings and exams to monitor the progression of decay of my teeth. Basic Adulting 101, right?

However, the tooth in question was in a state of advanced decay when it broke. The only long lasting option presented to me was to pull it and get an implant... and with how implant technology has evolved. No one will ever know.

However, implants are expensive. Even with adequate health and dental care. So, in the course of life and career transitions over the last couple of years, we’ve been in a “wait and see” mode.

Well, this week the remainder of the tooth above the root broke off. I officially have the hockey mouth I feared. And, while I still intend to get this taken care of as soon as I am able, the biggest a-ha is...

No one has noticed.

Even looking in the mirror... unless I catch a smile from just the right angle, it really isn’t that noticeable.

Interesting. Maybe I can focus on areas other than my vain personality.

What i'm listening to:
The Lonesome Jubilee Cherry Bomb
John Mellencamp
The Lonesome Jubilee

Wednesday, March 22, 2017, 6:40 pm

The final gong...


My childhood is dying.

At least, I can relive the zany antics online.

What i'm listening to:
Palisades Park Palisades Park
Freddy Cannon
Palisades Park

Tuesday, March 21, 2017, 12:42 pm

Abundance v. scarcity

One struggle that is my constant companion is the battle between the abundance and the scarcity mindsets. I know a lot of why I struggle with this is upbringing and my tendency to hang on to so many of my limiting beliefs... things that don’t make any sense, yet I can’t convince myself to let go of.

This is quite likely the one area I need to grow in the most. The biggest thing I need to get handled.

I get it though.

I grew up in a really small town. There weren’t many options for dating and/or fucking. If you do meet a girl you kind of like and you know just about all of the girls you’re not with, it encourages you to endure everything and stick with her through thick and thin.

And you put up with a lot of bullshit.

And you dread the idea of dating. Because when you live in a place with a shallow gene pool, you don’t have a lot of options. Correction, you don’t SEEM to have a lot of options. You really appear to live in a world of scarcity.

Then there’s jobs. Again, that overwhelming feeling of scarcity looms over you like a black storm cloud. You train yourself to endure a #shittyJob through whatever it may throw at you, because you know there’s nothing else out there. Nothing available. Correction, there SEEMS to be nothing else available.

You totally forget there is an entire WORLD out there.

Yes, it may require moving. It may require shifting outside of your comfort zone. It may require escaping from your current life. It may require escaping from all of the bad advice you’ll receive. It may even require escaping from your own mind.

Enter the abundance mindset.

I no longer live in a really small town. There’s no reason to become so attached to the outcomes that keep bringing me such misery... that keep bringing me false feelings of failure.

If my girl is no longer “doing it” for me, there’s always the next one. If my job is no longer rewarding, there’s always the next one. If I’m starting to feel like I’m failing my own life again... maybe it’s time to step outside of my comfort zone and realize there is so much more out there.

Life isn’t set.

Sure, the world needs ditch diggers too. Sure, many settle for working as ditch diggers.

And maybe they’re happy. And if they’re not, maybe they simply lack the ambition to do more. And if not, maybe they’re just afraid. And that’s okay.

But if you want change... real change... you need to start with yourself.

If your girl did you wrong, leave. “Next, please!”

If your job sucks, leave. “Next, please!”

If someone offends you, leave. “Next, please!” Seriously, it’s not my job to ensure I don’t offend you.

If you don’t like my blog, leave. “Next, please!”

Consider this: there is so much world out there you’ve never even experienced. Why settle for a destiny of unhappiness and the feelings of being trapped when someone who truly loves you, some gig that truly rewards you, and some life that truly inspires you may be as close as just around the next corner.

Or the next town.

Or Florida. Wyoming. Spain. Somewhere. It doesn’t really matter.

There is so much out there. Just be open to opportunity. And you’ll know. You’ll know when you’re happy.

What i'm listening to:
Sports If This Is It?
Huey Lewis & the News

Sunday, March 12, 2017, 6:45 pm

Elusive clarity...

What is it about clarity?

Maybe this says something about my current #shittyJob, but I find my moments of clarity painfully few and far between.

Then, on those occasions I take a 3-day weekend, get in the car, and drive—it happens.

Beautiful. Remarkable. Clarity.

It’s like seeing the matrix. Everything becomes so obvious. Everything I’ve missed. Everything I need to do. Everything to find the good life. Everything to live the good life.

I take notes. I take action. Get some balls rolling. Take advantage of this newfound motivation.

But, inevitably work calls... and I find myself back at #shittyJob. The fog settles in. The co-worker negativity sets in. The motivation slips away... replaced with dreams of a #goodJob. The apathy that settles in realizing that #goodJob doesn’t equal a good life, yet no desire remains to get on the life path.

Only to get by.

Oh, if only I could bottle up that clarity for moments like this.

I need it. Imagine, the ability to drink some instant clarity after enduring ten hours of drudgery at #shittyJob and find a just a little. bit. more. Spark that desire.

Hopefully, simply being aware of these dips can make this happen, wake me up, enable me to escape this life and find/live the good life. We shall see.

Is NZT a real thing yet?

What i'm listening to:
The Seventh One Pamela
The Seventh One
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