Thursday, October 19, 2017, 9:13 am

Because me

Just finished a run.

Noteworthy? Perhaps not, except that it is my first run in years. Perhaps since leaving university.

And?

And, I feel great! It felt amazing being back out there, just me and my music. Me vs. myself. Old school: no phone, no social media, no apps... just a 12-year-old iPod nano strapped to my bicep.

That is the ultimate battle. I know I need this. Most days I don’t want to run, or exercise, or whatever.

But I need to balance my wants (or don’t wants, in this case) with my needs. It’s time to let my ambition free again.

Time to let my narcissism loose again. Time to do things for myself, because me.

After all, taking care of yourself is not being selfish.

I am astonished at how tempting it is to post something about this on the social media. To get those token validations: “good job,” “don’t quit,” “keep it up,” “you’ll feel great.”

I know. I already feel great. So, I’m posting it here. In a place where no one will read it. For me.

And tomorrow? We’ll see... I’d like to keep this up. We’ll see.

What i'm listening to:
Raised on Radio Be Good to Yourself
Journey
Raised on Radio

Thursday, October 12, 2017, 9:56 am

Spreading smiles

Being negative and pessimistic is a self-fulfilling prophecy. And being positive and optimistic is also a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I heard this nugget while driving in the car this morning and it struck me as incredibly profound.

This statement is so true. Everyone who hates life, and there are many of them, are given every reason to hate life. Too many people I know are miserable victims.

Victims. That’s the key. Why do people enjoy playing the victim so much?

Why do so few realize that real change comes from within?

It seems cliché, but the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” truly reveals the simple solution. Yet, just because it’s simple... that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Everyday, I still struggle with the nagging, negative self-talk. Every. Day. The struggle is so real.

However, I’ve noticed that my good days are incredibly good. Positivity is worth the work.

I know that when I walk into the city water office with a smile and joke with the lady while paying my bill that I have made her day. The smile says it all.

There really is nothing like making a woman smile.

By holding onto the thought, “You are dazzling. Who are you and why aren’t you my girlfriend?”—even if I don’t actually express it in words—I can make every beautiful young woman’s eyes sparkle. Every. Single. One.

There is enough worry, doubt and negativity in the world. Why not spread a little joy?

The smile you create on her face says it all.

What i'm listening to:
Unwritten Unwritten
Natasha Bedingfield
Unwritten

Sunday, October 8, 2017, 11:13 am

Church of the numbed mind

Television is society’s addiction

Never have I ever lived anywhere that so many people are so dependent on television. The few remaining sanctuaries continue to dwindle.

My current favorite coffee shop installed one a few weeks ago. Always on. Mindless droning of headline news and sports. It’s like people in this area of the world cannot live without it.

Seriously.

A wise man once said, “If you spend more than two hours a week watching television, your life is passing you by.”

Let that sink in for a minute. Profound, isn’t it? It’s so true!

Yet, here it doesn’t seem to matter. Here they spend more than two hours a night, four or five nights a week watching college basketball. I honestly don’t get it.

It falls back to what I’ve discovered on awareness—something I AM making progress on in my life. More and more people in the world are asleep. Society uses television and social media to keep them asleep.

After all, why should an individual think? Especially when society and the media can do their thinking for them. Keep the masses polarized. Keep them divided. Small groups have no strength.

They remain asleep.

People will not realize the power they hold within them to accomplish ANYTHING! People can remain unmotivated and lazy, and let society continue to take care of them and tell them what they need.

No wonder no one knows what they want. Sure, the television shows them what they can have, but also provides an outlet to live vicariously... and consume enough of your time and resources to ensure you can never have what you want.

Headline news, collegiate and professional sports, video games, reality programming. Imagine, if you will—if you CAN, for a moment, a world without it. What can you do? What dreams can you reach? How much time will you have?

What do you want?

Expanding on yesterday’s point as well... it’s not wonder no one is interesting anymore. How many people do you know who talk about television shows? With such passion and fervor? And those video games? How exciting!!

Horse shit.

There is so much more in the world than what entertains numbs our minds on the television.

Everyone should switch it off. Strive to become interesting. Strive to actually make a difference in this world. For yourself. Escape Huxley’s Brave New World and create your own.

Do it.

What i'm listening to:
Two Vines Keystone
Empire of the Sun
Two Vines

Saturday, October 7, 2017, 9:32 am

Interest

Frankly, my darling, I cannot be interested in you. Why? Because you aren’t very interesting.

My God, you really are a beautiful girl, but...

Why? Why are you so incredibly uninteresting? Why are you so predictable?

Since raising my standards several months ago, I find I am attracting what I seek. It is funny how that works. Yet, my standards are also constantly evolving. I suppose that’s healthy—and necessary.

I’m discovering there are such dazzling women out there. Truly. Absolutely breathtaking.

Even in this small town where I reside. I know, I’m amazed too.

So, now I want the beauty. The Beautiful Ones. That’s fine.

I want to get to know her... only to find she’s totally predictable. She’s not interesting, nor interested in anything unusual or unique. She’s clearly not sexually adventurous.

The latter can be corrected, that is, if she’s at least curious. I’m more than happy to assist on the journey there, in fact I believe it’s a purpose in my life.

But can a girl become interesting? Passionate, even?

This lack of passion is something I notice in everyone—near and far. It’s almost like the glut of information, both good and bad, waters down their passions. Social media waters down her beliefs. Never before has their been a need to be “liked,” to be accepted.

To be divided. Polarized.

It’s certainly a different world to date in, where you can potentially learn more about a future date through a quick look on the Facebook then you could in twenty years of marriage only ten years ago.

Wow.

And again, I’m not dismissing the idea that I’m not interesting—which may contribute to her not opening up, nor sharing her passions.

I’m aware of this shortcoming in my life, which propels me ahead of many of the chodes. But there is much more work to be done. Internally and externally. Time to find my passions, and make them contagious.

And, go ahead and raise those standards. If she cannot be interesting, there’s always the next one. Beauty is more common than I imagined. Maybe I’ll find beauty and passion will be a combination I can discover and add to the richness of my life.

No, not maybe. These women are out there. Let’s make some magic happen.

Don’t make me waste my time. Don’t make me lose my mind... You were so hard to find. The beautiful ones, they hurt you every time.

What i'm listening to:
Purple Rain The Beautiful Ones
Prince & the Revolution
Purple Rain

Tuesday, October 3, 2017, 7:45 am

It's October 3rd

On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.

Ever have one of those days where you have so much to say... then lose it on the drive to your favorite coffee shop? Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

You could say, I’m having one of those days that reminds me we adapt... or die.

Okay, it’s not that tragic.

While in traffic, I had clear thoughts about life, about the journey, about what to do today, about lunch, about this girl.

Oh, wait... yes, this girl. So frustrating. Yet, I still haven’t learned to move on. How to say, “Next, please!”

There are so many girls out there. There’s no sense in developing one-itis for any of them. None.

Yet, that wasn’t what derailed my train of focus. Not entirely, anyhow.

Upon arriving at my favorite coffee shop, my favorite table in the dark corner is overrun with a display. A promotion. A giveaway.

It’s for breast cancer awareness, so it’s a good cause... one I’ll likely support, even though I have no interest in the prize. By the way, is it unethical to support a cause, win the prize, then sell that prize?

So, today I sit in the sunlight. Today, I’ve learned just how dirty my notebook computer is. Seriously dirty.

Plus, I’ve learned that the cute college girls are beginning to find this place. It’s that weird season of sweaters AND shorts.

sigh

So, today I’ll just take a “fuck it all” day. I’ll read something I want to read. I’ll listen to something I want to listen to. I’ll hit on the girls I want to hit on.

Happy October 3rd.

What i'm listening to:
No More Tears Road to Nowhere
Ozzy Osbourne
No More Tears

Monday, October 2, 2017, 1:12 pm

It's not you, it's me

I posted this as a status to the Facebook the other day. I meant it, but not in the way you might expect.

It’s about my journey of self-discovery.

Sometimes, when I go out and socialize with friends, there are too many awkward silences. Yet, with the right people, some friends open up. For instance, I have an extroverted friend who loves his whiskey, and he’ll talk to anyone—in fact, that’s how I got to know him.

One night, I was out with a couple of friends from work and we met up with him at a local bar. What conversation! My co-workers are interesting, with real life stories! Who knew? We must have talked and talked and talked for hours. About everything.

Same friend from work, I take him out with some other “social” friends of mine. Nothing to say. In fact, he seems downright bored from the conversation. I feel bad. Maybe I shouldn’t?

Another friend, this one from college. We show up at a pool party with another “social” friend of mine. Hostess greets us, then does her thing. Does nothing to work the groups together. Does nothing to ease the friend making process that I’ve read happens at social events. We get bored and leave.

Same friend, he’s actually quite extroverted and socially savvy, joins me for dinner with a couple of my lady friends. There’s a lot of lively conversation, but as he points out—it’s all about food, travel and gossip. Very shallow, or to his word: vacuous.

Since that evening, I’ve been observing just how vacuous my friends are. But are they?

Once in a while, someone fascinates me with a terrific story. OMG! You’re interesting! I love it!

Then reality sets in. I’m not interesting.

So, that’s where I was going. All this time, I thought people in my life aren’t interesting. Turns out, I’m not interesting.

Oh, I have some terrific stories—yet they’re all events that have happened to other people. Yes, there are a few interesting things I’ve experienced, but I feel like there should be so much more.

Like perhaps I should be less “vacuous.”

Then, today I stumble upon a snap-rant that asks me to consider my biography. Were I to commission a biography, or write an autobiography, would anyone read it?

Currently? I doubt it. Sure, I’ve had a couple of adventures to Greece, but mostly played it safe on these trips. Same with my excursion to Montreal. I have a terrible story about drinking too much vodka that’s not worth retelling. Another about why you shouldn’t drive your girlfriend’s car to a party.

Mostly though, I watched television. I know nearly every episode of Moonlighting, Taxi and WKRP in Cincinnati by heart. Not something I’m proud of, nor would want in my eulogy.

I can tell you within seconds who sings a particular song. Often even if I’ve never heard the song (as long as I’ve heard the artist, obviously). Fun at parties, but no practical application here.

I have figured out a little about happiness, perception, and making a young lady smile. I may even know enough to get her into bed with five little words. Honestly, this is a step in the right direction.

Yet, I’m still striving to be more interesting. There’s that word again. More. Gene Simmons said it was the most important word in our vocabulary. What would Gene Simmons do?

I’m moving in the right direction. I’m becoming more social. I’m transitioning to a more social career. I’m going out with friends more. I’m meeting more women. I’m screwing up less.

I am making life more interesting. This is getting handled.

Yet, for now, it’s not you. It’s me.

What i'm listening to:
Timothy B Boys Night Out
Timothy B. Schmit
Timothy B

Thursday, September 28, 2017, 11:05 am

Evolving

The new gig is going well. There is so much to learn, but everything about it is enjoyable. I’ve always enjoyed challenges, and I’ve only recently discovered I enjoy people—social nuances and finding what makes a person smile.

Will this become my career? I don’t know yet.

I have a dream I’ve been entertaining since the spring. I think it’d be cool to open a gourmet PB&J restaurant. We’d have a full line of breads, nut butters (crunchy & creamy), and jellies/spreads to choose from. Oh, and sriracha.

You haven’t tried crunchy peanut butter with sriracha? Shame on you.

I’m also fascinated with social media. Cracking the formula of social media influence to make a restaurant or bar not only successful, but hyper-successful.

It’s a fact in this area restaurants close every week. Some new and green that may have never had a chance. Some long-standing and successful that just give up. What if I can help them grow their business? What if I can help them see clientele and money they never imagined?

A major part of my reading project has been to devour books on self-esteem and writing, and also on marketing, social media, reinvention, restaurants and management.

There are people from my past I’m reaching out to—talented managers who understand the value of their teams and who are natural leaders.

Leaders. Not bosses. Anyone can be a boss.

Anyone can be a tool too. But I digress.

So I’m learning how restaurants work. How to bartend. How to interact with my teams. How to interact with people. How to make people smile.

That many of these people are lovely ladies—well, that’s just gravy.

I’ve always had a knack for understanding how business works, no matter my level in the organization. Now, I also understand what managers do—right or wrong. And I’m learning how to handle them.

I want to run my own business, and lead my team to share in the spoils.

Well, how bow dat? I finally listed a want. A real one.

A toast: to success—and my magnificent cock.

What i'm listening to:
31 Minutes to Takeoff Cooler than Me
Mike Posner
31 Minutes to Takeoff

Friday, September 15, 2017, 7:08 am

A course change

Why am I so nervous today?

I’m starting a new job today. Down a new career path. Seriously contemplating abandoning the old career path.

I’ve grown weary of spending countless hours in front of a computer. Building things for others. To their specifications. There’s so much more to life than what’s on the screen.

I want to live. I want to work with people. I want to do something that matters.

I don’t know if this is only part of the wilderness... a developmental detour, if you will. I don’t know if I’ll return to creating cool products. Part of me would like to, and I seem to have a flair for it.

Yet, I seem to have a flair for making people smile as well. Perhaps today’s beginning is a new path for me.

Charm and delight? That’s right.

Yes, perhaps.

Change is neither good nor bad. It simply is.

Trust the process. Continue through the wilderness. Live.

What i'm listening to:
reputation ... Ready for It?
Taylor Swift
reputation

Tuesday, September 12, 2017, 12:29 am

But I'm tired...

No no no no no.

Not tonight. Get out of my bed.

Don’t you dare crawl into my bed.

Aww... fuck it.

I need a new mistress. Seriously.

Monday, September 11, 2017, 5:43 pm

Fifty books later...

It is done.

I have finished fifty books since January 1.

My reading speed has increased considerably. My writing has improved as well. And I’m on pace to finish another 20 books (21.8, to be exact) before the year ends. We’ll see what happens.

A few months ago, while I was in the thirties, my chiropractor suggested I should read a li’l less. It seems “reading posture” is bad and requires more frequent adjustments.

Anyway, the journey continues. I still have plenty of books on the shelf awaiting my attention...

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