I've been doing a lot of reflecting/journaling about my progress on my yearly goals. Some are going well, some... not so much. I think it is important to be accountable for my progress.

Ok, so here is the list of books I've finished this year:

• Confessions - St. Augustine [March 13]
• Perfect Nightmare - John Saul [March 15]
• Bridge to Terabithia - Katherine Paterson [April 22]
• Peter Pan - J.M. Barrie [May 30]
• Rich Dad, Poor Dad - Robert Kiyosaki [June 5]
• Black Creek Crossing - John Saul [June 18]
• How to Talk to Anyone - Leil Lowndes [July 20]
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling [July 22]
• The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress - Robert A. Heinlein [September 5]
• Confessions of an Heiress - Paris Hilton [September 9]
• The Game - Neil Strauss [September 15]
• A Long Way Down - Nick Hornby [September 27]
• The Colorado Kid - Stephen King [November 16]
• The Volcano Lover - Susan Sontag [November 19]
• England's Mistress: The Infamous Life of Emma Hamilton - Kate Williams [December 6]
• Gerald's Game - Stephen King [December 20]
• Sanford Meisner on Acting - Sanford Meisner [December 31]

Confessions doesn't count for the yearly goal ( 18 ), because I started it last year, but the main purpose of this post is to provide a reference for my goal.

I read the article about the "forever" stamp back in April. It made me think to myself that it was a brilliant idea.

I mean, think about it. You buy a roll of stamps. In this day and age of Internet Banking and email, it's possible you use a couple dozen of them before they hike up the rates and you need to buy a sheet of two-cent stamps.

Along comes the "forever" stamp. The stamps you buy today are the first class rate. If you lose the roll under the couch cushions or discover them in the attic in fifteen years when it costs seventy-three cents to mail a letter... you're covered!

No messing with the low denomination stamps anymore, ever!

But, there's a caveat. If you buy a forty-one cent stamp that doesn't have the magic word "forever" on it, it's worth just that. Forty-one cents.

So, in order to take advantage of not using penny stamps, you have to buy the "forever" stamps. Even with the cool ones with actors, historic figures, breast cancer awareness, comic book characters, or even the US flag... you have to buy the Liberty Bell "forever" stamps to take advantage of the "forever" rate.

I'm not saying buying one kind of stamp is a bad thing, but why offer all of these different kinds if they aren't going to enjoy the same "forever" status? Wasn't the brainchild of this idea thinking about keeping the lines down for penny stamps? Maybe thinking about getting rid of penny stamps... or at least printing less?

Have they gained anything by having only one stamp enjoying "forever" status? What can they be thinking?

What i'm listening to:

Why Can't I Have You?
The Cars
Heartbeat City

I've been dreaming up a storm lately. Over and over.

Ok, I'll stop... besides I'm not dreaming about mirrors anyway.

Last night, I had a weird dream. I've stopped reading too much into my dreams, but sometimes I'll pause to think about what might be causing me to have such dreams.

In this particular dream, I was back in my hometown on vacation. I was visiting with people, when I bump into the ex, who's also in town visiting. Suddenly, we both fall back into old habits, making excuses, planning to meet where no one will know. Things I might have taken for granted back in the before time, but wouldn't consciously consider now.

And while that will never happen... I did come to the conclusion that the message behind the dream is to stop, look and listen.

I am falling into some old habits. I haven't progressed on my goals as much as I'd like. I'm well over a third of the way into this year, and the bigger, more lofty goals have (as of yet) gone untouched.

So, it's time to stop. Time to take a look around. Make adjustments, regain focus on the endgame. Begin feeding my mind with positive reinforcements and ideas.

I still have a ways to go... but it's still manageable. =^) I just need to take a moment before circumstances run me down like a train. Need to take that moment to figure out how to retake control.

What i'm listening to:

I'll See You in My Dreams
Giant
Last of the Runaways

Another holiday weekend is in the history books.

Even though last weekend consisted of a couple of parties and next weekend will also consist of a couple of parties, my holiday weekend didn't consist of any.

Which is fine. I enjoyed my run volunteering at the civic theater moving sets and staging backstage. When I wasn't at the theater, I was working on the house. I even recruited a buddy for some assistance, with help I should have it ready by the weekend!

W00t!

Also, of note, I had some successful interactions with a couple of lovely females on Monday. I had a "Hooters" girl eating out of my hand... or at least off of my plate. I learned that she is a business major who's taking summer courses like myself. It was a fun and flirty time.

So, why didn't I get a number? I'm really not sure. Some moments I think I'm ready, but others, that thought just doesn't surface. Everything else is there now, so it is definitely time to work on that part of my game.

Then, last night, I met this amazing blonde at a local sports bar. I'm still becoming accustomed to having girls actually be "into" me... but this interaction went amazingly well. There were pats on the ass, she stroked my chest a couple of times and kept pointing at the 1up mushroom on my shirt, and she even took a hairbrush out of her purse and brushed my hair.

Who knows where it would have gone? It was also the first time I had been cock-blocked, by her brother and the friend I was with. Her brother, ok, I get that... my friend, well, he wanted her for himself.

So, she got frustrated and left the group and sat with a table of tools. I wrestled with wanting to lead her away and staying with my friend, her brother and the rest of the group I was with. I stayed, even though I should have went with her.

But instead, we just exchanged looks across the bar. It wasn't a situation I was prepared for, so I probably could have handled it better and at least snagged her number... but I fell in with my friends.

So, are there rules about things like this? My friend said he thought he had a shot with her, but he'd have to clear it with her brother because they are friends. I *know* I had (have?) a shot with her, and I just met the guy last night, so am I bound by these rules as "friend of a friend?"

Am I overthinking things as usual? More than ever, I realize there will be other girls, but I can't just let every single girl who's into me go because of circumstances.

Sheesh.

Anyway, her brother really didn't like it when she started getting close to one of the tools she was talking to, so he pulled the "have to get up early" card, and they left.

My friend and I went to another club, where he ran into a group of girls he knows. I haven't figured out why he likes this sports bar so much, because there aren't any good looking girls there, and he always manages to spend his entire evening talking with one who keeps reminding him that the "window of opportunity is closed."

I'm *so* beyond that, and was really rather bored during the three hours spent there.

Better nights are ahead though. It should be an exciting journey! =^)

The "man" has finally arrived!

What i'm listening to:

Foolin'
Def Leppard
Pyromania

That's what thousands of Jericho fans are sending to CBS studios. I have to admit I'm impressed with their efforts, but I'd be lying if I thought it would do any good.

I did watch the show, but I've been so jaded by network execs swinging their axes that it really doesn't even phase me anymore. It used to, but really, what good does it do to get upset about cancelled shows?

If they want to show their reality crap, then I guess I didn't really need to watch television anyway! =^D

There are a handful of shows that I really enjoyed and thought they should have received a full run:

Wonderfalls quickly became and will always be my favorite show. It was quirky, funny, a bit twisted, and it had great acting and fabulous writing. Fox killed it after four episodes, but the remaining episodes leaked onto the Internet (I think a network in Canada aired them), and later they released the run on DVD, with plenty of features, and the commentary featured several jabs by the cast and crew at Fox for giving them a chance.

Good Company was a quirky little office sitcom with a great cast, including a then relatively unknown Lauren Graham, Jon Tenney, Jason Beghe, Wendie Malick Terry Kiser and Seymour Cassel. CBS axed it after six episodes. Unlike Wonderfalls I seriously doubt this will ever surface from whatever vault it's in. In many ways The Office is very similar to this one... just better.

Wolf Lake featured a secluded town where werewolves live. City detective John Kanin (Lou Diamond Phillips) follows a lead that his missing fiancée (Mia Kirshner) might be here, and settles into this small town slowly discovering just how strange it really is. CBS axed this one after four episodes, but aired the remaining episodes on their UPN network. Again, probably one for the vaults, not the retail shelves.

John Doe was a wonderful "thinking man's" escape. A man is discovered off the coast of Seattle and he knows everything except who he is. Yes, everything. He makes a lot of money following stock patterns, can play anything on the piano, knows some of the most trivial things. He befriends a police detective and together with other sidekicks they solve random bizarre crimes. One would think that in this day of CSI a show like this could work. FOX gave this one a full season after a summer of extreme promotion, but then pulled the plug after the cliffhanger... a lot like Jericho.

Of course, there are others: Firefly, Futurama, Birds of Prey to name a few (very few).

I've given the Jericho fans campaign some thought, and I think they are going about it the wrong way. Do people really think CBS cares if people watch them? Only the chosen ones with those Nielsen boxes matter at all, and those drones are consistently responsible for giving us mindless game shows and reality television.

No, in order to be effecting, one cannot stop watching CBS. If all of these fans were to watch CBS, take note of every sponsor and advertiser and begin a combination letter writing/boycotting blitz of CBS's money-makers... that might have a chance. Gone are the days of letter writing campaigns that saved Star Trek and Herman's Head. Gone are the influences of an exec's wife that saved M*A*S*H. If you want to send CBS a message, you have to hit them in the wallet.

I would like to see another season of Jericho, but with it's cancellation I only have three shows I'll follow next year. That leaves a lot of free time for me to socialize! =^)

Which isn't bad in itself! People watch entirely too much television anyway!

What i'm listening to:

25
Veruca Salt
American Thighs

Turns out it was a good day for my impromptu visit to the coffee shop.

I stopped by because I was out of cash, and used my full punch card on a Chai icer. While I was ordering it, I noticed a lovely young brunette smiling at me from behind her laptop.

I had ordered the Chai to go, but was this something to pass up? I've recently learned about the "three second" rule, which is essentially deciding how what you do in the next three seconds will affect the rest of your life.

So "Ellen" is a theatre major from the University of Kansas who's getting over a bit of a cold. I suggested that she check out the current performance at the civic theater and to look for me afterward, which she said she might just have to do. She also mentioned the show she's going to be in in July, which is definitely something to look forward to.

We chatted until the coffee shop closed and kicked us out. We talked about school and finals and England and wi-fi and air conditioning and taking up space... we talked about quite a bit.

Maybe I'll see her again someday soon. I'd say it's very likely! =^)

I'll keep you posted.

What i'm listening to:

Cherish
Madonna
Like a Prayer

What do I have to do?

Seriously, these munchies are driving me crazy! Is my job becoming so incessantly boring that I've developed a constant need to shovel food in my mouth?

Why is that all I can think about... what can I munch on?

How irritating!

Oh well, tonight marks my return to the gym. I did manage to workout a couple of times while on vacation... charming myself into a free week at the local gym (while making a great case for them to start a "traveller's membership for people who pass through that tourist town).

But, I haven't made it to the gym since I've been home. Yes, the house work is important, but I need to get back into a routine before the effects and faster metabolism start wearing off.

After all, I don't think I've had ten workouts since being sick last. If my "seven week" theory is valid, I have that to look forward to in the next 10-14 days.

Bleah.

I just have to stay motivated and remind myself that it is all worth it. I'm very, very close to the next step in my life. =^)

What i'm listening to:

Gloria
Laura Branigan
Branigan

Today's must-read: Ten simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life. I'm not sure I agree with the one about life and career going "as planned," but I do think it is important to keep an open mind and allow your plans to adapt to the changing world. Just throwing the plan away and focusing on reality isn't keeping your eye on the prize. How do you achieve your goals if you throw them out?

2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.


5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.


1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.

What i'm listening to:

7Twenty7
Roxette
Have a Nice Day

Everything's off.

No, I'm not giving up. It's just an observation that I'm off track on some of my more important goals.

I've been so focused on housework (spring cleaning and all that), so I've been neglecting myself. I feel pale, I look pale, I haven't had a workout in a couple of weeks.

And, my jeans don't fit.

I'm starting to understand how EDO's get started. I'm trying to eat right, and at least stay on my "diet" (I hate to use that word, but it is), but I'm finding that I'm grazing at work.

It's frustrating, because it's mostly apples, bananas, grapes and granola bars. And my < 100 calories of dark chocolate per day.

I suppose my metabolism is beginning to slow... since I'm starting to fall back into my sedentary lifestyle. I desperately need to hit the gym, and I need to free up my schedule enough to do so.

Bleah! It won't happen tonight, but I am free tomorrow night.

However, I am getting back into my reading habits. As I mentioned earlier, I'm really focused on housework and keeping my inner slob under control. Thanks to my new digital camera, I'm taking plenty of pictures. I'm working the current show at the civic theatre.

I'm not socializing so much right now, but that will change soon. As long as I don't get too concerned about having to wear some of my larger Levi's. =^(

That concern is hard to hide. I've been so proud of myself for having a flat stomach... and now the muffin top is returning.

Desperate times?

What i'm listening to:

You Can't Put Your Arms...
Roxette
Have a Nice Day