There is a stunningly beautiful young lady in my life. She’s also smart, witty, and not vacuous. I actually enjoy getting to know her better.

She’s also vegan.

I don’t care that she’s vegan. She’s not trying to convert me. She may be judging me every single time I take a bite of bacon (mmm, bacon) in front of her, but it doesn’t show.

Yet, I just don’t get it. Why do “normal” and healthy individuals consciously avoid eating food that nature intends to nourish our bodies? Why are they so convinced that us omnivores are killing ourselves with our food?

First, if being vegan is so great, why does vegan food have to pretend to be real food?

Vegan shrimp? You say it tastes like real shrimp. How do you know? Why is this a thing?

High fructose corn syrup tastes like real sugar, yet the body seems to know it was gypped. Same with other artificial sweeteners.

Hundreds of thousands of dollars are spent each year on vegan foods that pretend to be real foods. “Meats,” “cheeses,” “milks.” Why? If you’re so insistent on eating plants, stop pretending and eat plants.

And honey. We’re abusing the bees? Really? What if we’re saving the bees from dying out?

I suppose this is the price of human enlightenment...

Then there’s population control. Nature strives for equilibrium, and abhors being out of balance. Without natural hunters, some species get out of control, invasive, then become pests.

Can you imagine a world with no predators for mosquitoes? Or possums? Or mice? Yes, humans have been responsible for over-hunting in the past and driving species to extinction/near extinction, but with care we can keep populations in control and still eat meat and wear furs.

Do vegans honestly refrain from killing mosquitoes? Or flies?

Finally, have we been removed from the food chain for so long, that we can actively deny our nature and our bodies’ cravings and not eat what we’re designed to eat? And tell others that what they eat is killing them?

No, beautiful. I will take my lesson from the other animals in nature. You do you, boo.

A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep.

A final argument to follow our nature and eat what we’re born to eat.

I heard an interesting nugget earlier this month, “You can be comfortable, or you can be outstanding. You cannot be both.”

Of course, sharing this on the Facebook resulted in plenty of “I love comfort” comments.

As I move along towards enlightenment, I’m learning that ignorance truly is bliss. There’s something, um, comforting about not knowing what you don’t know.

I suspect eighty percent of the planet resides in this category, but have no way to back that up. No worries. They’re happy. Or they’re unhappy. They allow life to live them.

However, now that I’m firmly in the category of knowing what I don’t know... I’m terrified! It’s amazing how much there is to learn! About life. About yourself. About money. About power. About women.

While knowing what you don’t know is a metric of sorts for self-discovery, it’s also uncomfortable. I’m certainly learning the value of affirmations—and faking it ’til you make it.

As far as my current career is concerned, I’m still learning. A lot. Everyday. A lot.

Am I getting better? Definitely. Am I comfortable? No, not at all. Yet, I’m getting through each shift, and learning more with each shift.

It’s easy to forget that with starting over with each new career path, or journey through the wilderness, that we’re not instantly an expert at anything.

After achieving mastery at any skill, it’s hard to remember that the next skill will require just as much work to master. This makes sense to me after reading it on the page. Yet, why is it so hard to accept in my mind? Why do I get so frustrated when I’m not good at something?

Everyone must start somewhere, right?

So, while I’m approaching a level of adequacy on my current journey... today I receive an email. A dream job just posted.

A job that promises good pay, great benefits, upward mobility, travel, and is ideal for someone who’s not tied down like myself.

A transient’s dream: I want to ride the rails, and get paid.

I’ve learned an incredible amount of information about myself. About starting over. Perhaps the timing is perfect. Let’s ride.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

Just finished a run.

Noteworthy? Perhaps not, except that it is my first run in years. Perhaps since leaving university.

And?

And, I feel great! It felt amazing being back out there, just me and my music. Me vs. myself. Old school: no phone, no social media, no apps... just a 12-year-old iPod nano strapped to my bicep.

That is the ultimate battle. I know I need this. Most days I don’t want to run, or exercise, or whatever.

But I need to balance my wants (or don’t wants, in this case) with my needs. It’s time to let my ambition free again.

Time to let my narcissism loose again. Time to do things for myself, because me.

After all, taking care of yourself is not being selfish.

I am astonished at how tempting it is to post something about this on the social media. To get those token validations: “good job,” “don’t quit,” “keep it up,” “you’ll feel great.”

I know. I already feel great. So, I’m posting it here. In a place where no one will read it. For me.

And tomorrow? We’ll see... I’d like to keep this up. We’ll see.

What i'm listening to:

Be Good to Yourself
Journey
Raised on Radio

Being negative and pessimistic is a self-fulfilling prophecy. And being positive and optimistic is also a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I heard this nugget while driving in the car this morning and it struck me as incredibly profound.

This statement is so true. Everyone who hates life, and there are many of them, are given every reason to hate life. Too many people I know are miserable victims.

Victims. That’s the key. Why do people enjoy playing the victim so much?

Why do so few realize that real change comes from within?

It seems cliché, but the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” truly reveals the simple solution. Yet, just because it’s simple... that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Everyday, I still struggle with the nagging, negative self-talk. Every. Day. The struggle is so real.

However, I’ve noticed that my good days are incredibly good. Positivity is worth the work.

I know that when I walk into the city water office with a smile and joke with the lady while paying my bill that I have made her day. The smile says it all.

There really is nothing like making a woman smile.

By holding onto the thought, “You are dazzling. Who are you and why aren’t you my girlfriend?”—even if I don’t actually express it in words—I can make every beautiful young woman’s eyes sparkle. Every. Single. One.

There is enough worry, doubt and negativity in the world. Why not spread a little joy?

The smile you create on her face says it all.

What i'm listening to:

Unwritten
Natasha Bedingfield
Unwritten

Television is society’s addiction

Never have I ever lived anywhere that so many people are so dependent on television. The few remaining sanctuaries continue to dwindle.

My current favorite coffee shop installed one a few weeks ago. Always on. Mindless droning of headline news and sports. It’s like people in this area of the world cannot live without it.

Seriously.

A wise man once said, “If you spend more than two hours a week watching television, your life is passing you by.”

Let that sink in for a minute. Profound, isn’t it? It’s so true!

Yet, here it doesn’t seem to matter. Here they spend more than two hours a night, four or five nights a week watching college basketball. I honestly don’t get it.

It falls back to what I’ve discovered on awareness—something I AM making progress on in my life. More and more people in the world are asleep. Society uses television and social media to keep them asleep.

After all, why should an individual think? Especially when society and the media can do their thinking for them. Keep the masses polarized. Keep them divided. Small groups have no strength.

They remain asleep.

People will not realize the power they hold within them to accomplish ANYTHING! People can remain unmotivated and lazy, and let society continue to take care of them and tell them what they need.

No wonder no one knows what they want. Sure, the television shows them what they can have, but also provides an outlet to live vicariously... and consume enough of your time and resources to ensure you can never have what you want.

Headline news, collegiate and professional sports, video games, reality programming. Imagine, if you will—if you CAN, for a moment, a world without it. What can you do? What dreams can you reach? How much time will you have?

What do you want?

Expanding on yesterday’s point as well... it’s not wonder no one is interesting anymore. How many people do you know who talk about television shows? With such passion and fervor? And those video games? How exciting!!

Horse shit.

There is so much more in the world than what entertains numbs our minds on the television.

Everyone should switch it off. Strive to become interesting. Strive to actually make a difference in this world. For yourself. Escape Huxley’s Brave New World and create your own.

Do it.

What i'm listening to:

Keystone
Empire of the Sun
Two Vines

Frankly, my darling, I cannot be interested in you. Why? Because you aren’t very interesting.

My God, you really are a beautiful girl, but...

Why? Why are you so incredibly uninteresting? Why are you so predictable?

Since raising my standards several months ago, I find I am attracting what I seek. It is funny how that works. Yet, my standards are also constantly evolving. I suppose that’s healthy—and necessary.

I’m discovering there are such dazzling women out there. Truly. Absolutely breathtaking.

Even in this small town where I reside. I know, I’m amazed too.

So, now I want the beauty. The Beautiful Ones. That’s fine.

I want to get to know her... only to find she’s totally predictable. She’s not interesting, nor interested in anything unusual or unique. She’s clearly not sexually adventurous.

The latter can be corrected, that is, if she’s at least curious. I’m more than happy to assist on the journey there, in fact I believe it’s a purpose in my life.

But can a girl become interesting? Passionate, even?

This lack of passion is something I notice in everyone—near and far. It’s almost like the glut of information, both good and bad, waters down their passions. Social media waters down her beliefs. Never before has there been a need to be “liked,” to be accepted.

To be divided. Polarized.

It’s certainly a different world to date in, where you can potentially learn more about a future date through a quick look on the Facebook then you could in twenty years of marriage only ten years ago.

Wow.

And again, I’m not dismissing the idea that I’m not interesting—which may contribute to her not opening up, nor sharing her passions.

I’m aware of this shortcoming in my life, which propels me ahead of many of the chodes. But there is much more work to be done. Internally and externally. Time to find my passions, and make them contagious.

And, go ahead and raise those standards. If she cannot be interesting, there’s always the next one. Beauty is more common than I imagined. Maybe I’ll find beauty and passion will be a combination I can discover and add to the richness of my life.

No, not maybe. These women are out there. Let’s make some magic happen.

Don’t make me waste my time. Don’t make me lose my mind... You were so hard to find. The beautiful ones, they hurt you every time.

What i'm listening to:

The Beautiful Ones
Prince & the Revolution
Purple Rain

On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.

Ever have one of those days where you have so much to say... then lose it on the drive to your favorite coffee shop? Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

You could say, I’m having one of those days that reminds me we adapt... or die.

Okay, it’s not that tragic.

While in traffic, I had clear thoughts about life, about the journey, about what to do today, about lunch, about this girl.

Oh, wait... yes, this girl. So frustrating. Yet, I still haven’t learned to move on. How to say, “Next, please!”

There are so many girls out there. There’s no sense in developing one-itis for any of them. None.

Yet, that wasn’t what derailed my train of focus. Not entirely, anyhow.

Upon arriving at my favorite coffee shop, my favorite table in the dark corner is overrun with a display. A promotion. A giveaway.

It’s for breast cancer awareness, so it’s a good cause... one I’ll likely support, even though I have no interest in the prize. By the way, is it unethical to support a cause, win the prize, then sell that prize?

So, today I sit in the sunlight. Today, I’ve learned just how dirty my notebook computer is. Seriously dirty.

Plus, I’ve learned that the cute college girls are beginning to find this place. It’s that weird season of sweaters AND shorts.

sigh

So, today I’ll just take a “fuck it all” day. I’ll read something I want to read. I’ll listen to something I want to listen to. I’ll hit on the girls I want to hit on.

Happy October 3rd.

What i'm listening to:

Road to Nowhere
Ozzy Osbourne
No More Tears

I posted this as a status to the Facebook the other day. I meant it, but not in the way you might expect.

It’s about my journey of self-discovery.

Sometimes, when I go out and socialize with friends, there are too many awkward silences. Yet, with the right people, some friends open up. For instance, I have an extroverted friend who loves his whiskey, and he’ll talk to anyone—in fact, that’s how I got to know him.

One night, I was out with a couple of friends from work and we met up with him at a local bar. What conversation! My co-workers are interesting, with real life stories! Who knew? We must have talked and talked and talked for hours. About everything.

Same friend from work, I take him out with some other “social” friends of mine. Nothing to say. In fact, he seems downright bored from the conversation. I feel bad. Maybe I shouldn’t?

Another friend, this one from college. We show up at a pool party with another “social” friend of mine. Hostess greets us, then does her thing. Does nothing to work the groups together. Does nothing to ease the friend making process that I’ve read happens at social events. We get bored and leave.

Same friend, he’s actually quite extroverted and socially savvy, joins me for dinner with a couple of my lady friends. There’s a lot of lively conversation, but as he points out—it’s all about food, travel and gossip. Very shallow, or to his word: vacuous.

Since that evening, I’ve been observing just how vacuous my friends are. But are they?

Once in a while, someone fascinates me with a terrific story. OMG! You’re interesting! I love it!

Then reality sets in. I’m not interesting.

So, that’s where I was going. All this time, I thought people in my life aren’t interesting. Turns out, I’m not interesting.

Oh, I have some terrific stories—yet they’re all events that have happened to other people. Yes, there are a few interesting things I’ve experienced, but I feel like there should be so much more.

Like perhaps I should be less “vacuous.”

Then, today I stumble upon a snap-rant that asks me to consider my biography. Were I to commission a biography, or write an autobiography, would anyone read it?

Currently? I doubt it. Sure, I’ve had a couple of adventures to Greece, but mostly played it safe on these trips. Same with my excursion to Montreal. I have a terrible story about drinking too much vodka that’s not worth retelling. Another about why you shouldn’t drive your girlfriend’s car to a party.

Mostly though, I watched television. I know nearly every episode of Moonlighting, Taxi and WKRP in Cincinnati by heart. Not something I’m proud of, nor would want in my eulogy.

I can tell you within seconds who sings a particular song. Often even if I’ve never heard the song (as long as I’ve heard the artist, obviously). Fun at parties, but no practical application here.

I have figured out a little about happiness, perception, and making a young lady smile. I may even know enough to get her into bed with five little words. Honestly, this is a step in the right direction.

Yet, I’m still striving to be more interesting. There’s that word again. More. Gene Simmons said it was the most important word in our vocabulary. What would Gene Simmons do?

I’m moving in the right direction. I’m becoming more social. I’m transitioning to a more social career. I’m going out with friends more. I’m meeting more women. I’m screwing up less.

I am making life more interesting. This is getting handled.

Yet, for now, it’s not you. It’s me.

What i'm listening to:

Boys Night Out
Timothy B. Schmit
Timothy B