I regularly visit a life coach, who is working to instill a mindset within me that I can do and have anything. And yes, many days he makes me believe it.

But I’m not there yet.

Why?

Well, I have another friend. Unlike the “life coach” types, everything in his life revolves around money. He’s miserly, he’s not friendly, he’s not the type I’m told “attracts success.”

Yet he’s a master negotiator. He knows how much to offer for the nice things he wants in his life and always gets a great deal.

By great deal, I mean getting a Lexus two-seater convertible for 20% off of the asking price.

I, on the other hand, have an uncanny knack of finding the listings from people who aren’t interested in negotiating... at. all.

Ten years ago, when I was house shopping, I found a cute little house that I thought would be perfect. I took into consideration its neighborhood, its condition, and what it needed, and made an offer that I and my agent thought was reasonable.

And, if memory serves, about 15-20% off the listing price. The seller was insulted. The seller took the house off the market immediately after my offer and decided to use it as a rental. My agent had never seen anything like that before... so I’m guessing it’s a rare occurrence. Yet, that’s what I seem to draw into my life... those rare occurrences.

Yet, I was inspired by my friend’s recent purchase. I’m currently looking for a new car myself. No, I’m not looking for a $15,000 auto, but something practical and reliable. Specifically, at this moment, I’m looking at a 2009 Hyundai Sonata.

I test drove the car, I noticed that it is a remarkably clean car—yet it does have a few dings plus some definite hail damage. Plus, arrived on site armed with the book values.

After I made my offer, I was educated about how the blue book values are not a true indicator of market value and that this car was aggressively priced and he was unable to match my offer.

I know I should always be prepared to walk away. I was, and I did. However, in this case, we both did. Time will tell if I'm going to end up in that car...

What the seller said made sense to me... and maybe that’s the problem. Plus, of course, Craigslist proved his point. A quick search of all the similar area listings revealed his and one other to be priced the same (at well over book), and the same car going for close to $10,000 still.

So, I get that the market really does drive the prices, and perhaps I need to consider purchasing a new car while I’m on my road trip next month through lower priced markets... but I’m also clearly not the master negotiator my friend is.

My life coach says I can have it all. I need to believe that fully.

Being a Have-Not is exhausting... it truly is time for change.

What i'm listening to:

The Beautiful Ones
Prince & the Revolution
Purple Rain

So, last night I set my first rendezvous from Tinder. She’s a cute girl and seems to have a quirky sense of humor, which I adore. I let her know I was going to be in her neighborhood, and she suggested we meet up for a drink after I finish up with business.

Who can resist an offer like that, right?

Well, she went radio silent today. No big deal... everyone’s on their own journey, and I can appreciate that. I’ll likely never know why she flaked...

However, experience has demonstrated that I still tend to attract those with less than stellar self-esteem... no matter how attractive she is. And since I come from that world, I totally get it.

You agree to meet someone. The “what if’s” start rolling.

What if he doesn’t like me? What if he freaks when he sees me in person? Oh my God, what if he DOES like me? What if he wants to sleep with me? What if I want to sleep with him? What if we go. too. far...

I know, I’ll just block his number/ignore his texts/pretend my phone died/whatever flavor of the month for flaking works.

And it’s always ALWAYS so much better to just say, “Hey, I changed my mind.”

But, as a former resident... when you don’t even respect yourself enough to take a chance on something special, you don’t respect your own time—much less anyone else’s. It doesn’t matter that this guy took time out of his busy life to get to know you. Maybe you’d rather hide at home with a pint of Häagen-Dazs and think things like, “He wouldn’t have liked me anyway,” or, “I wouldn’t have liked him anyway.”

I get it. I’m not even disappointed. Okay, perhaps a little. But mostly, I’m just sad... for her and others like her.

Girls, stop running from life. Embrace it. Take a chance. Have some fun.

The worst regrets are the missed opportunities... not the screwed up ones.

What i'm listening to:

Only Happy When It Rains
Garbage
Garbage

Some days, I just love observing others...

Tonight, I had dinner at my favorite sushi place, and the couple at the next table were clearly having their first date.

They were adorable.

She had something pulled up on her phone, it must have been something like, “Interview questions for a first date.”

Not a bad idea for breaking the ice... but some of the questions were a li’l too much like job interview questions. I’d think asking a question that creates silence isn’t a good idea.

Some of the questions: What’s your favorite holiday? What would your best friends say about you? If you could choose, what would your last words be?

I get that not everyone has the talent for bursting out of awkward silences, plus I get that some of those websites out there have some extra clever questions (What combination of fixings make the perfect burrito?), but I’d be horrified if my first date started feeling too much like a job interview.

However, they were a cute couple and clearly attracted to each other... very in to each other.

I do have to give him props for a fun idea. He paid the bill while she was in the bathroom, then when she came back they chatted for a bit longer. Suddenly, he put his shades on, grabbed her hand, and said, “Let’s go!”

She’s hesitant. “What about the bill?”

He’s insistent and smiling, “Let’s just go!”

I hadn’t seen that move live before... it was fun. Shows a sense of humor and a taste of danger. If they hit it off, it’ll be something to mention at their wedding.

Almost makes me want to get back out there... almost.

What i'm listening to:

Midnight City
m83
Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming

Perhaps, I shall take this day off every year... to celebrate my freedom from the soul crusher...

Yes, I shall.

What i'm listening to:

Freedom '90
George Michael
Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1

I ran into a friend at the coffee shop today. I hadn’t seen her in ages, so we talked for a little bit, and it was good to catch up. She’s looking fantastic, and clearly life is treating her well.

I know everyone has their own journey, but from my point of view, she always seemed to have everything so together.

Anyway, as I stated earlier, we caught each other up on our lives. I mentioned that since I’m off the Facebook, I feel a bit disconnected. She responded that it’s probably a good life choice.

It is.

Remember when Facebook was all about what’s going on in my life? In your life? Or at least what you wanted to share?

An occasional rant, but overall good vibes?

Before the meme overload, the videos (too video, didn’t click), and all of the social justice warriors?

Just you and me and six hundred of our closest friends sharing lives... connecting.

Yeah, that was pretty cool.

The best thing about having a penis is sharing with those who don't.

What i'm listening to:

Mad Hatter
Melanie Martinez
Cry Baby

So, I’m sitting in the coffee shop, attempting to do some work... and discovering that I’m still an old soul.

Across the dining area there’s an attractive young mother chatting with a friend. How do I know she’s a mother? Because her older boy is out of control, jumping from chair to chair—but at least he’s reasonably quiet.

Then there’s the toddler, who’s constantly squirming and crying and squirming and crying in her arms.

Oh, good... now she’s feeding him. Silence, at last!

Which brings me to reason #34,726 why I should never have children: children should not be seen nor heard.

I’ve actually gotten used to offending, even horrifying, people when they’d ask the question, “When are you going to have kids?”

My answer? “As soon as I’m successful enough and set enough to have a house big enough where the baby and the nanny can have their own wing and I never have to see them.”

Is that so wrong? Personally, I’ll always believe that the world could do with more people who adopted this attitude.

Instead of the government rewarding those who continuously pop out children, reward those who choose not to drain this planet’s resources with their hell-spawn.

*sigh* I can only dream...

And now the kid is screaming again... time to move to the next venue.

About two hundred years ago, there was a li’l show on television called Moonlighting. This show featured the enchantingly beautiful Cybill Shepherd as former model Maddie Hayes, and a handsome newcomer named Bruce Willis as wise ass detective David Addison.

The show was a runaway hit. This show defined how to make an action-packed dramatic comedy. It had it all.

But, like so many shows... it lost its way.

And, I’m certainly not the first to write about this show’s meteoric rise—and subsequent almost-as-meteoric fall. Most Moonlighting fans pin the show’s downfall to that exact moment when Maddie and David broke all the romantic tension of the show and slept with each other.

I do not belong to that camp. The show was failing faster than you can shoot a Bic pen through wood before that.

Others blame the production issues that were occurring shortly before that story line. Scripts were falling behind. There was infighting amongst the cast and crew.

While this certainly attributed to accelerating the show’s decline, I’m not a member of this camp either. In fact, the what killed Moonlighting precedes the production issues, missed deadlines, and the bad blood.

Give me some latitude here, because I’m actually going to call Moonlighting the anti-Apple. Yes, as in Apple Computer. More specifically, the second Steve Jobs era Apple.

Wait, what?

Yes, your humble author is making this obscure connection...

Steve Jobs, after regaining control of Apple, became notorious for giving the customers what they wanted BEFORE they knew they wanted it... to which end, he rarely, rarely accepted feedback in Apple products. How many people suggested an iPod should do this... an iPhone should do that... a computer should never do that?

As Moonlighting began, Glenn Caron did exactly that. He conceived a clever, witty show with rapid fire dialogue that gave audiences what they craved... before they even knew they craved it. Which launched the show into the stratosphere.

But Caron and his writers paid TOO MUCH attention to what people were saying about his show. People loved the instant chemistry between Shepherd’s Maddie and Willis’s David. People loved that David always had a clever comeback to whatever the situation or conversation.

If you rewatch the show now, you can see this happening early in the second season... a little over a year before they fell behind, and nearly two before our heroes shared a bed: the writing changed.

Caron and his writers played up David’s dialogue, taking him over the top. Every time the audience reacted to something David did, the writers took it to the next level... past the point of suspended belief.

They broke the fourth wall, and when that was a hit, they took that over the top too. They wrote themselves into a corner... and as a result, Maddie and David’s romantic chemistry suffered. Watch those season two episodes again and tell me the writers aren’t trying too hard.

Of course, this show was produced in an era where no one imagined mass audiences could watch a show’s entire run again... and long before binge watching was a gleam in anyone’s eye. But if it’s this apparent now, it’s easy to see how faithful viewership was already dropping off during the show’s ascent.

By the time the masses were taking notice, Moonlighting had already lost most of the charm that made it so popular. Sad that so much of the charm was replaced by gimmicks.

Sad, indeed.

And clearly, I’m still spending way too much time inside my head if I can write drivel like this on a sleepless summer night... time to go outside and play.

What i'm listening to:

Cool for the Summer
Demi Lovato
Confident

Last night, I stumbled on an unwatched movie in my queue and decided to give it a shot.

I haven’t always been a Neil Simon fan... and perhaps it’s safe to say I’m still not. The one exception that springs to mind is Barefoot in the Park, but there are three distinct reasons for that. 1.) The first time I saw it was a local theater production, and the female lead was insanely hot. 2.) In the movie, Jane Fonda was also insanely hot. 3.) Most importantly, the character that drew me into the play/movie amidst all of the fighting and panic was the character of Victor Velasco... a passionate man of the world who lives life on his own terms with no fear—something I can identify with and the kind of person I strive to become.

Anyway, I enjoyed Barefoot enough to seek out other Neil Simon works, which lead me to last night’s entertainment, Last of the Red Hot Lovers. Even in typing that, I mistyped “not” for “hot” and was super tempted to leave it.

I always enjoy Alan Arkin, and in this movie he was superb. But the movie felt more like a tragedy than a comedy to me... again, I think that’s just a trait of Simon’s movies.

I felt incredibly sad for Arkin’s character, Barney. He was more of a mouse than a man, and with each woman he invited to his mother’s home for an affair, I became ill at how trapped he was in his head, and how it ultimately ruined each attempt.

Since Simon is known for writing about his own life, I wonder if he was as tragic in life as his characters are on stage and on the screen.

Yes, Barney Cashman is a tragic character. I read once that the best characters are the ones that learn nothing from life’s little lessons. Well, that may be so, but frankly, I just find them pathetic.

Someone, please, stop me before I decide to watch another of Simon’s tales... or tell me if any of them include a vivacious, inspiring character like Victor Velasco.

And if you don’t hear from me in a week, I will be at the Nacional Hotel in Mexico City... room 703!

What i'm listening to:

Wot’s It to Ya?
Robbie Nevil
Robbie Nevil