Ah... reminiscing...

Why is it, when you’re approaching true change in your life and your self, your mind finds a way to dredge up the past.

All the books, all those songs, all those memories they evoke. Was it really so bad? No, it really wasn’t so bad.

The problem is—yes, yes it was. It really was that bad. If I was happy with the past, I wouldn’t be so desperate to make a change... a lasting change in my life.

I wouldn’t be trying so desperately to focus on the now, which in itself is a losing battle. To experience the now requires less focus, and certainly less desperation.

But I find my mind is incredibly resilient in not allowing me to let go.

Currently, the nation is in the middle of a free satellite radio preview, and as an added bonus, “Road Trip” radio is one of the channels being offered. An eclectic collection (even if it’s not terribly diverse) of music from several genres and spanning several decades that, quite simply, sounds great when you’re in the car and out on the open road.

I’m addicted to it. Even though I’ve listened enough to discover the playlist is not deep. Even though I WANT to be right here, right now. Even though...

No, I find myself turning it on and going back to whenever whatever song takes me back to, whether it was a moment from the fourth grade, or a moment from last Thursday.

And reading. I’ve read so many great books lately, yet I’m finding I want to read something familiar next. I’ve always loved re-reading books, which is why I rarely part with any portion of my library.

As I’ve stated earlier... the mind is super powerful, especially when it feels threatened. I’ve edged so close to the tipping point where I feel I’m about to break through and start experiencing success in life again; only to have the fog of memories settle in and ask me “why?”

Am I alone in this? I swear my mind is so conditioned to protect me from failure, that it’s gone too far and it’s protecting me from risk.

My mind is protecting me from my own success. I’m so close—I. must. break. through.

What i'm listening to:

Surrender
Cheap Trick
Heaven Tonight

If you ever wondered the back story behind Pac-Man:

In 1976, Cosmonaut Nikolai Peckmann was sent alone to an orbiting space station for what would be called Mission Six—to study the radiation levels and strange circumstances that killed all four crewmen of the last research mission.

By the third day, Peckmann’s broken transmissions were coming back to ground control filled with increasing paranoia and delusion. He claimed that the spirits of the dead cosmonauts were coming to claim him, and that he had to keep moving to evade them. He shouted that if he could capture consume these spirits himself while he still had strength, he could move to the next level of consciousness... truly the rantings of an insane man.

Indeed, video recovered later would show Peckmann running around the confined but maze-like station, downing emergency sedatives like a madman... pausing in a corner momentarily, only to throw back vitamin pills and give chase to his invisible demons.

He had exhausted the entire cargo of vitamins, pills, and fresh fruit well ahead of schedule. There was no way another crew could be assembled to rescue him before he starved. After one rather violently garbled transmission, the static cleared and the last live image on record is that of Peckmann’s empty, wilted spacesuit on the cabin floor.

It was determined that another mission to recover any remains or gather any more research would be a waste of the people’s money, and the station was allowed to drift out of orbit and into space—a failure never to be mentioned again. It was ordered and assumed that all video and paper evidence had been destroyed.

Okay, it's entirely possible this entire thing is made up... Source

What i'm listening to:

Sleeping Satellite
Tasmin Archer
Great Expectations

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

What a wonderful way to start the day. Think about it. Each day, you should get up, look in the mirror and ask the question... and realize that it’s you.

The entire world begins with you. On the surface, it may seem narcissistic, but if you dig deeper, starting the day with a good look at your self—loving yourself and embracing your flaws every single day, you enable yourself to love from within.

And from this love, you truly can change the world.

It’s very much like seeing the matrix. Who you are at this moment is who you are. Accept it and you’re prepared to make your world better, which in turn makes everyone’s world better.

Maybe this sounds fluffy, but take a step back and think about it. Real change starts with the man in the mirror.

What i'm listening to:

Plush
Stone Temple Pilots
Core