A wise man once told me, "Risk is your friend."

Today, an evil, evil idea was planted in my head. It is incredibly risky, and has a pretty high probability of failure.

I have options to mull...

I'm sorry to keep dwelling on this. I'm just trying to take it moment to moment, some are good, some are not-so-much. Anyway, this is how i'm coping.

Today is a really bad day. I know they won't always be this bad, but that offers little consolation.

I really thought i would always have her support. I never thought taking steps to secure my future would push her away.

It has been just over a week since we last saw each other. Since we last touched, kissed, hugged...

It seems like so long ago. Where did it go so horribly wrong? Why do i feel so fucking alone?

I have things to do now... and it will do me good to get out of this house. I know we both need our space. I just need to be strong enough. At least it isn't raining today...

Finals. I need to survive my finals!

I haven't yet mentioned, i'm buying a house.

It makes sense. I'm in my mid-30s, have a fair job, and i'm looking to increase my worth. I happened to find this little gem to make it happen.

C said this was a bold statement. Buying a house that is.

You see, perhaps she believed i was far too picky to ever settle on a house. Perhaps she was afraid of how i would react to her wanting to stay in Colorado. Perhaps i didn't seem receptive to moving.

But she didn't speak up. I didn't speak up. If i had known *before* the deal was made on this house, i would have been willing to move to Colorado too... but she never asked. She never let me know what she wanted.

C, i harbor no ill will toward you... in fact, i will always care about you. If nothing else, i hope you take this away from our experiences: always, always speak your mind. You don't know what others are willing to do unless you put the idea out there. And, the more strongly you feel about the idea, the more you need to convey it!

I am happy with this house, and the road it will lead me down. However, i would have been happy to follow you and your dreams as well. I hope you will communicate with the people in your life now and in the future... because sometimes the silence only drives people apart. Share your dreams and your goals and your life plans... and do it before a decision is made and it is too late.