dilletantism, romanticism, charlatanism
There’s not a woman that I crossed paths with that I haven’t fallen in love with—whether it was for ten minutes or ten years. What would have been better, a lifetime of denying that?
What Makes You Beautiful
Today, I am grateful for coffee shops… and the parade of beautiful girls that frequent them.
After a conversation yesterday, I became aware of how much deeper true gratitude runs. It is a true appreciate for what you have that also enables you to appreciate what you have not—and what you’ve lost.
It enables me to realize that while I am sad about missed opportunities and lost connections, I have still gained from the experiences behind them.
My perspective is shifting, another thing to be grateful for, and I’m finding true joy beyond the superficial “I’m thankful for…” platitudes that inundate us today. It truly is a blessing in life to be able to shut off the firehose and sit in appreciation of… life.
For it will—one day—end.
I don’t even know your name.
Yet, I’m enchanted by you. We talked and shared drinks for nearly an hour. Several times, to emphasize a point, or perhaps to convey our connection, our energy, you touched my shoulder, my arm. And I, your leg, your arm.
All I could think about, is what you might be like in bed. And you could feel it. The twinkle in your eyes. The way you pushed out your breasts.
Oh, your lovely breasts.
You shared so much of your life story. And I mine.
You called me eccentric. You may be right. You called me out on my need for reading glasses. I know you’re right.
And then you were gone. And I don’t even know your name.
You did, however, tell me where to find you. And to come see you. And I will. Of course, I will. You’re a fucking beauty.
I’m betting you’ll fantasize about me tonight. I know I’m fantasizing about you. We’ll meet again.
Heat Waves
As a student, I have discovered one absolute truth:
The more I learn about women, the less I know.
Wait… let’s try that again.
The more I learnabout women, the less I know.
At first, I set out to become a student of women. Yet, as in high school, I find I am a poor student. Nevertheless, I tend to run with my small victories.
Should you meet me out in the wild, you’ll see that women love me.
Then the time came to expand my studies to include life. If you’ve spent any time reading this space, you’ll discover that a considerable amount of my life has been… unhappy. Woes with women. Woes with career. Woes with life.
Finally, there’s pleasure. Oddly, with pleasure came more unhappiness—and a need for balance.
A balance between my love for food and my desire to be healthy. A balance between my need for money and free time. A balance between bringing her to orgasm and… well, let’s say I haven’t found that counterbalance yet.
Yet, even though I have forgotten more about pleasure than she has likely ever known, I think it is safe to say that I still know nothing. True wisdom? Perhaps.
I hate thinking.
And I do too much of it.
If I’m losing you—and her—it’s because I’m thinking. I don’t know what to say. What to do. And I lack the faith to just say it. And do it.
And this space swings from something one might enjoy reading and actually getting something from… to yet another dying emo blog.
Because emo blogs don’t really exist anymore. And for good reason.
What a waste of electrons!
For many, writing down their mistakes and shortcomings are a great way to work through them.
For many.
Yet, looking back, I don’t seem to actually learn anything. Same problem. Different day.
I don’t need pepperoni pizza with drizzled chili-infused honey on it today. I DO need to bite her in THAT spot. Right. There. And keep stacking that cash. And doing those push-ups.
At least, I seem to be thinking less. And maybe that will make all of the difference.
The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing.
That’s me!
The internet has practically become a utility.
Even moreso. Who imagined you could eventually order a girlfriend the way you’d order your groceries... or a pizza?
We hardly even have to leave our homes—to work, to play, anything!
We can use it to prove we’re at the gym. Technically, we don’t even have to work out.
We’re almost to peak laziness.
However, it hasn’t truly arrived until I can deposit this mountain of cash into the bank without leaving the comfort of my couch.
In other news, I suppose I should open a local brick and mortar bank account this week.
My cellular telephone hasn’t had service for nearly 36 hours.
What decade is this? Why is this still a problem? Why am I paying for a phone that doesn’t work?
Oh, wait...
I’m kind of okay with this.
She can call back.
I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.
Last night, I was traveling to my new home from my old, and decided to try a new route.
Google maps sent me down many small two-lane roads with turns to another road at most intersections. I crossed six railroad crossings—three of which I had to wait for an actual train, one of which reversed about 70 cars in.
I did get to see a dozen or two cranberry plantations on my adventure.
And the deer. So. Many. Deer. It didn’t matter what the speed limit was, the deer were controlling my speed—keeping me at 45 mph or below.
Which is good, because I passed at least three speed traps.
I must have crossed I-94 at some point, but I never noticed.
Surely, there has got to be a better route. It may be time to check an actual paper map before taking the scenic route on the next adventure.
Update: it turns out, after looking at a road map, that is the best route from La Crosse to Wausau. And I-94 merges with I-90 right where I exited the Interstate.
There’s this meme I stumbled upon last winter that treads the line between funny… and stalker-y
He blocked me on everything, so I applied to his job… see you in the morning
Yeah, it kinda feels like that. I am back in town from my summer adventure for a couple of days to tie up some loose ends, only to discover she’s back at my job.
Well, if I come back after the summer, that is.
Life comes at you fast.
I’m still shook. I don’t even know what to think. Why does she still get under my skin, anyway?
Well, I hope the new/old gig works out for you, baby girl. Have a great summer.
I want to see you, but I can’t call you. I want to need you, but I can’t have you.
Then again, maybe I don’t want to see you...
And, maybe it’s true when they say you really can’t go back.
Fall in Love
I had a revelation yesterday.
I am continuously approached by beautiful women.
Have I noticed this before? Or am I that oblivious?
It’s so obvious. The Mexican beauty who keeps me fed. The beautiful new bartender who feels compelled to tell me her life story. The gorgeous army girlfriend who ventures across the room and talks for thirty minutes. The dazzling Jamaican who brings me home on the second night.
Yet, I am oblivious. How. do. I. not. know. what. to. do. about. this?
I get in my head. I don’t steer the conversation in the obvious direction. I put up walls.
Why would I let a beautiful young woman in my life?
Read that last question again... what am I, an idiot?
Will I really give any girl a chance to win me over? Or will I continue to listen to the haters (voices) in my head?
Why do I hear my grandmother’s voice telling me I’m older than her parents?
Does this really matter? After all, love is truly blind, deaf, dumb, and stupid.
Truly. Then again, apparently I am too. We can smell our own.
Sure, I’ll give any girl a chance to win me over... but girls don’t want to work that hard—especially if they’re having to jump through hoops and crawl through the swamp.
Okay, so now I’m aware of a bit more of my power. Awareness is curative, but it will only go so far.
The next big question: what will I do with this awareness? This power?
Talk to Me