Friends hurt you. Friends cancel plans. Pancakes don’t.

Tonight, I was reminded of something I’d lost in the last decade.

Never settle.

It’s so easy to let go of the dream. To become complacent. To lose that drive. And in the process, it becomes too easy to lose your identity. To lose who you are.

This. This is where I am right now. But now that I’m aware of it, it’s never too late to find my way back. To find that one thing. That one thing that drives me.

To find passion. To chase dreams. To never settle.

My life coach, a couple of friends, and a few other mentors all suggest putting together a “dream board.” For the uninitiated, this is a board you paste goals of everything that’s important for you to achieve. Then you place the dream board someplace conspicuous so it is constantly reminding you of your dreams... and helping you to get there.

After all, I don’t want to be rich for the same reasons as the other men—the cars, the houses, the women.

Okay, maybe they are the same reasons.

Tonight, I was reminded of that beautiful blue-eyed blondes with just the right amount of freckles between their breasts exist. Tonight, I was reminded that such beauty is common. Tonight, I was reminded that if I know what I want... there is no reason I cannot have such a beauty in my life. Sharing my life. Sharing my dream. Sharing my happiness.

Why can’t I have it all? Why can’t you? Yes, you.

It’s time. Time to find myself. Time to go after what I want. Time to get it.

Stay driven.

What i'm listening to:

The Beautiful Ones
Prince & the Revolution
Purple Rain

Today, a friend of mine posted a funny comic on the Facebook. It featured a man and woman stuck in an elevator. The guy is being smooth and suggesting they may as well get to know each other. The woman responds by telling him about CrossFit, and the last panel features the guy banging on the doors shouting for help.

Hilarious, because it’s true!

I have a few friends who CrossFit, and every single one of them absolutely loves it. And for good reason... every single one of them looks fantastic! However, the way they talk about it is not unlike when the Mormon boys or Jehovah’s Witness girls catch you at the edge of your porch as your trying to leave the house to run errands. They love it so much, they cannot wait to share it with the world... and with a religious fervor.

This is not a bad thing.

None of it, actually. The Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses possess a passion and a drive more than most of us will ever know. Whether you observe your faith or not, can you think of anything that drives you to the point you cannot wait to share it with everyone?

Then there’s the CrossFit people. My god, they look good! And CrossFit is work... I mean, actual WORK. There is nothing easy about it. But unlike any other program I’ve ever seen, they keep working. It’s hard work, and they LOVE it!

And have I mentioned how great they look?

CrossFit has stoked a fire in these people to be healthy, and it’s working.

Now, I haven’t participated in one of these workouts. I’ve been invited, and I’ve been told it’s a total shit-show and like going through hell. I, like most of us, think about that and haven’t convinced myself to join a club... yet.

And then there’s the financial commitment. But ignoring that for this moment...

Consider how many of us have joined a gym. How many of us have even hired trainers? How far do we get? Some of us, like myself, get to a target weight, exhibit reasonable gains, and find a level of happiness of where we’re at. Then either complacency sets in, or some change that strips the gym from the equation. Before we know it, it’s a month later and we’re lying on the sofa with an open carton of Do-Si-Do’s, washing them down with root beer and binge watching the entire run of Sanford & Son.

I do NOT see this happening with CrossFitters. Ever.

Maybe I’m wrong, but there are a LOT of overweight and undernourished people out there. A lot of unhealthy people out there. A lot who my last trainer would call “skinny fat.” A lot of unhappy people out there.

And then there’s the group that’s so unhappy with society’s treatment of fat people they try to convince us that fat people are beautiful, making the right choices, and are entitled to keep on keeping on. But that’s another argument that’s already been made somewhere else.

Every CrossFitter I know appears happy... deliriously happy. Almost in that “O” face or an “I drank the Kool-Aid” way. And they keep getting more and more cut.

Seriously, they look incredible.

Now I find I’m thinking it may be time to join up. At one time, I was close to getting a six-pack and thought that was the dream. So, what am I craving now? An adonis belt.

Plus, if it’s truly about nutrition and regular exercise, why not?

It’s never too late, is it?

What i'm listening to:

Shame
The Motels
Shock

I once worked for this lady who had a knack for asking questions about the most unlikely scenarios... only to have these scenarios actually play out. It was quite uncanny how the “crazy” she was able to conjure up came to life. Like something you might find in a movie.

Perhaps, at this point in my life, I have tapped into this. I feel like I can no longer make plans with anyone inside my social circle. I think that, deep down, I’m actually expecting them to flake.

I’m no longer ever surprised when the cancellation happens, but I am still continually disappointed. Maybe it’s me? I don’t know. Possibly.

Maybe I’m broadcasting that expectation, however subconsciously it may be lingering. So, if it is me, how do I fix it?

I get that I am not a “family guy,” and I no longer have to worry about how much money is available to hang out, but I’m afraid that somewhere in the last few years I lost something.

At one point, I was the Bigger and Better Deal. I never had to worry about others cancelling last minute.

Now, I’ll have to step out of my comfort zone and get that back. If that means I’ll have to make new friends, so be it.

I was raised to keep promises. If I say I’m going to be somewhere, I’ll be there. Yes, shit happens, but sometimes the shit isn’t going to get shittier if you’re not there—especially if there’s nothing you can do about it. If someone’s not dying (including myself) and Rome isn’t burning around me, I’ll be there.

I’d just like to have friends I can count on in a similar way. Money doesn’t matter. Bring your kids. I’ll pick you up.

But, nothing feels dirtier than allowing you to flake. It’s rewarding bad behavior. It sends the message that it’s okay to flake. It isn’t. It’s one thing if it’s a potential date and you aren’t really feeling it. It’s something else entirely if it’s someone you like and enjoy spending time with. Which brings me to that question for my friends: Is it me?

Do you treat all of your friends with the same lack of respect? Some of you, I believe that you do. What about your business? Do you cancel on clients and leave money on the table? Again, I know that some of you do. And that makes me sad.

Eliza Dooley was right.

When Siri is the only one who’s there for you, it makes you realize being friended is not the same as having friends.

At least follow this pro tip: If you don’t commit to plans, you never have to cancel.

On another note: I’ve finished ten books already this year.

What i'm listening to:

Head Underwater
Jenny Lewis
The Wall

There are few things these days I truly rant about. However, as someone who has seen so many “favorite” restaurants come and go... I’m truly amazed at just how many mistakes local businesses make.

Competing with chains is hard, or is it? Dealing with people is hard, or is it?

As a customer, I don’t think I’m extraordinarily difficult. I know what I like, and I go where I can expect it. Give me a great product with a smile, and it’s very likely I’ll drop $200 a month at your business.

Take that product away? I’ll take my $200 a month elsewhere. Take the product away with a smile and/or a lame excuse? I’ll take my money elsewhere AND tell my friends.

Currently, I’m reading a book I picked up at a conference called Reinvention Made Easy. It’s not your typical marketing book, in that it sugar coats nothing. The message can be summed up from the following quote:

Whatever excuse you choose for avoiding change, it will lead to your extinction.

So many business leaders seem to forget that what worked for them yesterday doesn’t always work for them tomorrow. I see them turn inward. I see them disregard their customers... occasionally going so far as to flat out tell customers they’re wrong.

Now, I may be mistaken... but it seems to me if you chase off enough customers, it may get increasingly difficult to pay your people, keep the lights on, and stay open.

Okay, so allow me to take a look in the mirror. The product in question is a tea latte. Can’t get enough of them. It doesn’t seem too unreasonable to expect to get tea from a coffee shop. Logical so far, right?

I mean, every coffee shop seems to offer them. Ones that don’t are the exception and not the rule.

And, for what it’s worth, this coffee shop is still offering tea. They’ve switched brands for the second time in a year on some quest that I’m not in the know on. The new tea is loose leaf, I guess it’s amazing. Great! I’m down to try new teas!

“Wait, no Earl Grey? Okay, I see the company offers something that offers similar flavor notes, yet is even more natural. Oh, you didn’t order that one. Okay, well make a tea latte with... um... that one. Really? What do you mean, no you can’t?”

Yet, I keep going back. They’ve been doing this for a year now. They switch companies. They run out of Earl Grey. They get some in. They complain about calling the tea latte a “London Fog,” because that’s a Starbucks drink, and “we’re not Starbucks.”

Well, Starbucks has a finger on the pulse of customers. Starbucks will still be here after you’re gone... in spite of the fact I’d MUCH rather support a local coffee house that I’d like... and that it’s becoming more and more obvious doesn’t care for me or my money.

Plus, as I mentioned earlier, I can get my tea latte at every. other. coffee. house. in. town.

I’m always sad when local businesses fail, but that does bring up another lesson from my current reader:

The value in failing is that it removes us from our false beliefs regarding success.

Profound.

Cheers, I’m going to get back to enjoying my latte now.

What i'm listening to:

Young Lust
Pink Floyd
The Wall

I want to see you, but I can’t call you. I want to need you, but I can’t have you.

It’s sad that after spending so much time and energy (and money and other resources) being “social” and transforming myself into five pounds of fun in a ten-pound bag... that I’ve returned to my non-social and reclusive ways. I’m finding it’s like allowing a slow-carb cheat day turn into two, then three. It’s really, really, really hard to get back to that mindset, that lifestyle.

So. How do I find my inner Kid Chaos?

*blank stare*

Do I even know? Will I eventually lose the ability to be fun? I know that if what I’m doing feels unnatural, it’s not something I will continue. However, I remember all of those great times with so many wonderful girls.

I started out knowing nobody, and that is certainly no longer the case. While I crave the “fresh start,” my logistical situation does not lend itself to my getting this handled anywhere but right here, right now.

Actually, it’s time to take a step back. Start socializing again. There are some great tips in The Happiness Project book on making new friends... utilize those. In fact, there will be advantages to making new friends, and instantly “friend zoning” any new lady acquaintences.

And be present!

Being present is the constant theme that keeps returning in my notes, in my journal, and here. Why do I struggle so much to get out of my head? This anxiety is what I really need to get handled.

Kid Chaos is in there somewhere. I think some new friends may be just what I need to bring him back to the surface.