I decided to give the Tinder app on my phone another shot. Why not, right?

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve discovered that Tinder is apparently no longer for “hooking up,” at least not in this area of the midwest. Nothing like reading Match profile after Match profile, all clarifying “no hook ups.”

Yet, these gals are getting it wrong. Most have text asking guys to message with questions or even just to say, “Hi.” Unless I’m missing something, Tinder doesn’t allow you to message someone who hasn’t swiped right for you.

It’s not supposed to.

I played with Tinder a few years ago, and ended up messaging back and forth with a lonely gal who was there for conversation. As if you cannot find conversation in other places... Facebook (oh, but I can’t accept a friend request if I don’t know the person), for instance.

So, how do you use the app to actually MEET people? Time will tell the tale.

How I envisioned the app working is: See girl you find adequate, swipe right, get match notification when she swipes right, share little white lies to each other to boost attractability, get logistics, hook up.

I know people who do this? What is in their profiles? Where are these girls? Why are all the girls I see looking for:

Spontaneous, fun girl who loves the outdoors, KU Basketball and trying new things. Feed me pizza and I’ll love you forever. If you don’t want to take the time to get to know me, swipe left. Not here for pen pals or Snapchat sexting. Looking for friends first, then we’ll see where things go. Oh, and I probably swiped right for your dog.

Talk about mixed messages... that don’t matter anyway, because she swiped left on your profile.

Of course, what you write for a profile matters... a little. If you don’t have a solid picture showing that girls at least “like” you, they won’t take the extra tap to see what you’re about. Some of us DO have a face for radio.

So, you have to write something catchy. Something that states intent without stating intent. Something truthful enough to pull off. Although the end goal remains the same: the hook up. Channel your inner Tucker Max.

As someone who has great success meeting women in real life, the Tinder experience leaves me a bit cold.

And I may have figured out why.

Women are not wired to be attracted to looks. They want a sense of humor and someone who’ll make them feel safe and secure. Yet, the quick swipe nature of Tinder encourages them to make quick judgements, and the extra tap to read what a guy is about is an obstacle. So, most girls swipe right on “hot” guys. The “hot” girls anyway.

Men, on the other had, are clearly what the Tinder interface is designed for. Men are looking for the perfect combination of tits, ass, and appearance. If she’s “hot,” we didn’t do the extra tap to see if she’s looking for a saint, sinner, hook up, or a billionaire hubby, we just swiped right.

And girls & guys alike wonder why catfishing runs wild.

It seems there might be a way to use Tinder to bridge this gap... hmm.

And don’t even get me started on the bots. If anything, the bots teach you how to message the real girls, because once you ascertain you’re chatting with a bot, you can say anything.

Fool, why aren’t you saying ANYTHING to the real girls. Be you. Be funny. Meeting others isn’t supposed to be so hard.

Maybe no one likes sex anymore.

But it’s fun, so I’ll keep on swiping for now.

What i'm listening to:

Get Out of My Way
Kylie Minogue
Aphrodite

Many moons ago I wrote a post about breaking a tooth, and how it might affect my appearance.

Since I am a baller on a budget with inadequate health and dental insurance, I have taken steps to get my teeth taken care of. I’m back under a regimen of cleanings and whitenings and exams to monitor the progression of decay of my teeth. Basic Adulting 101, right?

However, the tooth in question was in a state of advanced decay when it broke. The only long lasting option presented to me was to pull it and get an implant... and with how implant technology has evolved. No one will ever know.

However, implants are expensive. Even with adequate health and dental care. So, in the course of life and career transitions over the last couple of years, we’ve been in a “wait and see” mode.

Well, this week the remainder of the tooth above the root broke off. I officially have the hockey mouth I feared. And, while I still intend to get this taken care of as soon as I am able, the biggest a-ha is...

No one has noticed.

Even looking in the mirror... unless I catch a smile from just the right angle, it really isn’t that noticeable.

Interesting. Maybe I can focus on areas other than my vain personality.

What i'm listening to:

Cherry Bomb
John Mellencamp
The Lonesome Jubilee

Dammit.

My childhood is dying.

At least, I can relive the zany antics online.

What i'm listening to:

Palisades Park
Freddy Cannon
Palisades Park

One struggle that is my constant companion is the battle between the abundance and the scarcity mindsets. I know a lot of why I struggle with this is upbringing and my tendency to hang on to so many of my limiting beliefs... things that don’t make any sense, yet I can’t convince myself to let go of.

This is quite likely the one area I need to grow in the most. The biggest thing I need to get handled.

I get it though.

I grew up in a really small town. There weren’t many options for dating and/or fucking. If you do meet a girl you kind of like and you know just about all of the girls you’re not with, it encourages you to endure everything and stick with her through thick and thin.

And you put up with a lot of bullshit.

And you dread the idea of dating. Because when you live in a place with a shallow gene pool, you don’t have a lot of options. Correction, you don’t SEEM to have a lot of options. You really appear to live in a world of scarcity.

Then there’s jobs. Again, that overwhelming feeling of scarcity looms over you like a black storm cloud. You train yourself to endure a #shittyJob through whatever it may throw at you, because you know there’s nothing else out there. Nothing available. Correction, there SEEMS to be nothing else available.

You totally forget there is an entire WORLD out there.

Yes, it may require moving. It may require shifting outside of your comfort zone. It may require escaping from your current life. It may require escaping from all of the bad advice you’ll receive. It may even require escaping from your own mind.

Enter the abundance mindset.

I no longer live in a really small town. There’s no reason to become so attached to the outcomes that keep bringing me such misery... that keep bringing me false feelings of failure.

If my girl is no longer “doing it” for me, there’s always the next one. If my job is no longer rewarding, there’s always the next one. If I’m starting to feel like I’m failing my own life again... maybe it’s time to step outside of my comfort zone and realize there is so much more out there.

Life isn’t set.

Sure, the world needs ditch diggers too. Sure, many settle for working as ditch diggers.

And maybe they’re happy. And if they’re not, maybe they simply lack the ambition to do more. And if not, maybe they’re just afraid. And that’s okay.

But if you want change... real change... you need to start with yourself.

If your girl did you wrong, leave. “Next, please!”

If your job sucks, leave. “Next, please!”

If someone offends you, leave. “Next, please!” Seriously, it’s not my job to ensure I don’t offend you.

If you don’t like my blog, leave. “Next, please!”

Consider this: there is so much world out there you’ve never even experienced. Why settle for a destiny of unhappiness and the feelings of being trapped when someone who truly loves you, some gig that truly rewards you, and some life that truly inspires you may be as close as just around the next corner.

Or the next town.

Or Florida. Wyoming. Spain. Somewhere. It doesn’t really matter.

There is so much out there. Just be open to opportunity. And you’ll know. You’ll know when you’re happy.

What i'm listening to:

If This Is It?
Huey Lewis & the News
Sports

What is it about clarity?

Maybe this says something about my current #shittyJob, but I find my moments of clarity painfully few and far between.

Then, on those occasions I take a 3-day weekend, get in the car, and drive—it happens.

Beautiful. Remarkable. Clarity.

It’s like seeing the matrix. Everything becomes so obvious. Everything I’ve missed. Everything I need to do. Everything to find the good life. Everything to live the good life.

I take notes. I take action. Get some balls rolling. Take advantage of this newfound motivation.

But, inevitably work calls... and I find myself back at #shittyJob. The fog settles in. The co-worker negativity sets in. The motivation slips away... replaced with dreams of a #goodJob. The apathy that settles in realizing that #goodJob doesn’t equal a good life, yet no desire remains to get on the life path.

Only to get by.

Oh, if only I could bottle up that clarity for moments like this.

I need it. Imagine, the ability to drink some instant clarity after enduring ten hours of drudgery at #shittyJob and find a just a little. bit. more. Spark that desire.

Hopefully, simply being aware of these dips can make this happen, wake me up, enable me to escape this life and find/live the good life. We shall see.

Is NZT a real thing yet?

What i'm listening to:

Pamela
Toto
The Seventh One