Life truly is remarkable.

There is so much beauty out there.

To admire.

To take in.

To plug in to.

Incredible. Simply incredible.

I am still reading. A little.

Books affect me more than they used to. Some, it’s like their written about me. I find that alarming, not comforting, that either so many people have the same problems, or that I’m so damaged.

As such, I find I process what I read more. Which is good, I think.

After all, in the five years since I’ve been reading extensively, I find I am not retaining as much as I’d like. My eidetic memory is turning into swiss cheese. Decaying.

Which might be a relief. If only I could forget some of my sins. Yet, I suppose that’s why they are sins. We. Must. Atone.

However, this year I didn’t read solely for the sake of reading. And I find that this year’s books—especially ones that affected me—have also stuck with me.

Am I actually growing? It will be interesting to see…

For the record, here are the books read in 2021:

1. The Way of Men - Jack Donovan
2. Reality Unveiled - Ziad Masri
3. The Mist - Stephen King
4. The Obstacle Is the Way - Ryan Holiday
5. Men Without Women - Ernest Hemingway
6. Live First, Work Second - Rebecca Ryan
7. Son of a Wanted Man - Louis L’Amour
8. American Eve - Paula Uruburu
9. The Infinite Game - Simon Sinek
10. Private Dancer - Stephen Leather
11. A Dreadful Man - Brian Aherne
12. The Trial - Franz Kafka
13. Revival - Stephen King
14. Lost in the Meritocracy - Walter Kirn
15. Riveted - Jim Davies
16. Where the Red Fern Grows - Wilson Rawls
17. Women’s Infidelity - Michelle Langley
18. Death of a Citizen - Donald Hamilton
19. No More Mr. Nice Guy - Robert A. Glover
20. Women’s Infidelity II - Michelle Langley
21. I Should Write This Stuff Down - Bruce Behymer
22. The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman
23. Outwitting the Devil - Napoleon Hill
24. Falling Angel - William Hjortsberg
25. Iron John: A Book About Men - Robert Bly
26. Under the Sweetwater Rim - Louis L’Amour
27. Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montgomery
28. Idlewild - Nick Sagan
29. The 48 Laws of Power - Robert Greene
30. The Trumpet of the Swan - E.B. White
31. The Albuquerque Turkey - John Vorhaus
32. Curse of the High IQ - Aaron Clarey
33. Firestarter - Stephen King

Today is the day.

I suppose it’s only natural to have a lot to process over this. To feel numb. To mourn.

Mourn what, exactly?

The end of a colossally bad decision? One that ultimately proves the last seventeen years never happened?

At some point, I may want to talk about it. Even sooner, I suspect, I’ll want to celebrate freedom.

Freedom from the shithole.

The shithole I ultimately had to pay someone to take.

Good riddance.

Take a day to mourn. Bask in the comforts of strangers. Celebrate. And move on.

In a week, it’ll feel like today was the best day… regardless of how it feels today.

The world is still here… even though primitive human emotions still hold sway over rational thought.

What i'm listening to:

I Have Nothing
Whitney Houston
The Bodyguard

You broke my heart. In an instant. When you asked. For cinnamon rolls. To go with your chili.

You’re so beautiful, but it’s not going to work.

Bill: So-crates — “The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing."

Ted: That's us, dude.

I am back.

Out of necessity.

Writing is one thing I do for no one else. No one, but me.

Perhaps I write to keep myself sane.

Yet, do I need to “publish” it? No, I don’t NEED to.

I am more likely to, however, if I keep the journals in this platform.

If I drop my MacBook? The entries are safe. If I misplace my written journal? The entries are safe.

If I forget to pay my internet bill? Well…

That may be the price of sanity.

So, I’ll continue to write. About nothing. Or something.

And burden my handful of readers. And bots.

You’re welcome.