There was a time when I was an angry young man. The world was terrifying, and I believed I was powerless to control... well... anything. It seems I was frequently one disaster away from moving back in with my parents.

I believed I was a nice guy, and that alone meant the world owed me something. Why should I change?

Then I discovered that old adage, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I discovered I didn’t like my life, but I didn’t have to continue holding on to the things I didn’t like about it either.

I quit playing video games. I quit watching television. I started reading. A lot. A lot of self-help books. Some of them were very “woo woo,” some of them, not so much.

Change began. So, it turns out, people can change.

The caveat is, s/he has to want to change. And it is a battle. Every. Day.

As a society, we have made it entirely too easy to simply drift through life. We’re taught to be kind, not to judge, and to help when we’re able.

And there are those who are truly less fortunate. Bad decisions notwithstanding, everyone deserves another chance. But there will come a time when those chances will be squandered, if you aren’t taking advantage of them to the fullest.

There are also those who are taught to take advantage of everyone who will give them an opportunity.

Note that I didn’t say, “take advantage of opportunity.”

I wish I could. But the hard reality is that there are those who are convinced the world owes them success, and the people on the planet are obstacles to overcome. All they know how to do is to take advantage of the kindness—without affecting any real change.

I have a friend who calls them grifters.

grif·ter n 1.) a person who operates a side show at a circus, fair, etc., especially a gambling attraction. 2.) a swindler, dishonest gambler, or the like.

Essentially, a con artist.

Perhaps he’s right. Some may not even realize they are manipulating those around them, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

Everyone has an agenda. Everyone. This is why it is critical to ally yourself with others who’s agendas are similar to your own. Challenging agendas will likely never be overcome.

I can sacrifice my agenda/dream/goal for a moment to truly help someone out, but that agenda/dream/goal will always be underlying... creating resentment... and tension.

Every day, I understand just a little bit more it’s not about being selfish. It’s about loving yourself first so you can be selfless.

Did you ever meet someone who made you think, “How on earth did you mess your life up. so. bad?”

Don’t get me wrong. I have made my share of bad decisions. My ongoing relationship with karma reminds me of many of these daily.

Yet, for the most part, I own the consequences of these bad decisions from my past. I also actively seek better decisions and the rewards that may (or, let’s be honest, may not) come with them.

Maybe karma rewards me... maybe it’s coincidence... maybe it’s my imagination.

Maybe it’s ego that leads me to believe karma dropped this gorgeous Mexican girl with those beautiful freckles into my life tonight. I digress.

Maybe that means I’m healthy.

It seems that too many people in my life try to evade the consequences of their bad decisions. Those that don’t ignore the consequences entirely.

Today, I heard the tearful tale of someone who answered the phone call from a number she didn’t recognize, only to hear the voice of the wife of the man she’s been fucking with (and who’s been sending this someone money and planning a secret rendezvous) and she was called out on talking to this man behind his wife’s back.

Oh, did I mention the wife has a no contact order with this someone? So, she was trapped.

What does this mean?

Well, it means if you’re fooling around with someone’s husband, and his wife files a no contact order, that there might just be consequences if you continue fooling around with this guy.

Why are people so terrified of what will happen?

Then again, who the fuck am I to say anything?

This someone has invaded my life, and filling it with hate and toxicity. And I need to extricate her from my life. Or myself from hers.

And I don’t know how. All because she has burned every. other. bridge. She has no one and nowhere else to go.

Hmmm... something about consequences. Yet, she continues down the same path—expecting others to change. And to protect her. And to take care of her.

I’m not that person. I can’t be. I can’t help her.

One benefit of my former life I miss—perhaps the most—is the frequent air travel. As mentioned before, I’d gladly spend the rest of my life on the road... meeting new people and seeing great places.

Am I seeking escape? Perhaps...

I am still amazed at how tech-savvy and social-media-infused our society has become. In flight, no one really talks anymore. Everyone stares blankly into their screens... craving that next rush of endorphins from that funny meme or shocking video.

We can’t be bothered to get to know the person sitting next to us. Why risk the rejection? Why find out she does (or doesn’t) want to talk? There’s a world of people we know (or don’t) hiding behind their screens and only sharing the funny and/or shocking on the Facebook.

So, what’s a former social-media-junkie like myself to do?

Especially since I project.

In my case, I have a hard time opening up the lovely young lady sitting next to me, because most of the time I don’t want to be bothered. If I feel that way, why doesn’t everyone else?

That is a flaw in the human condition: if I believe something is true for me, why wouldn’t it be true for everyone else?

Then, there are those moments fate intervenes. Today, there was another plane blocking our arrival gate. I mentioned I had a grueling ten-hour layover to endure, and she told me she was battling a one-hour layover with her connecting flight departing a different terminal.

I hope she made her flight. We connected... for about twenty minutes. I like her.

Then again, I like them all.

Why are so many guys, perhaps moreso the “intelligent” guys, so intimidated by beauty?

After wandering around a major airport for the past seven hours, I can attest to how ridiculous this is.

Spend a day in the airport. Beauty is common. Beauty is everywhere.

Share a smile with her. Start a conversation. Create a connection.

Or don’t. And wonder why you never get what you want in life.

Today, is another good opportunity to move forward. Forgive myself any perceived failures. Step out of my comfort zone. Accept and neutralize the toxicity in my life. Edge toward that goal of a transient life. Of meeting new people. Of loving all women. Of steering the ship. Of following my destiny.

Stop existing and living the life of the walking dead. Live life.

What i'm listening to:

Sweet but Psycho
Ava Max
Sweet but Psycho

A couple of weeks ago, I tried float therapy. What a zen experience!

For those who are unaware, in float therapy, you float in a pod filled with salt water for a pre-determined period of time. They provide relaxing playlists, or you can bring your phone/iPod and play your own... which is what I did. After having experimented with breathwork several years ago, this seemed the ideal opportunity to play one of them—in a totally relaxed situation.

So, for an hour, I floated in this sensory deprivation chamber. Granted, with the playlist, it wasn’t true sensory deprivation—I may try that next time.

It was incredibly relaxing!

Occasionally, I’d float into the side of the pod and bump myself awake. You have surprisingly little control over staying still.

A couple of times, I floated into the speaker... the soundtrack of nature sounds and relaxing music rising to a crescendo as my ear drifted closer and closer to the speaker.

Then there were those moments when my joints would crack in the weightlessness. During my tour, I was informed a float is like getting a chiropractic adjustment—without the chiropractor. He wasn’t wrong.

The salon offered hour and ninety minute packages. I found the hour to be sufficient, as it is plenty of time to meditate, relax, and work out the kinks of life and everyday stress... but I’ll likely try ninety minutes anyway.

Two thumbs up. Highly recommend!

Today, I’m halfway through my self-imposed Facebook break.

Most days, I don’t miss the Facebook. Occasionally, I need to look something up—something that was on a wall, a friend’s birthday, the family chicken noodle soup recipe—but overall, the Facebook no longer provides much value to me nor my life.

Then, there are the groups that people use to interact with each other. I’ve been invited to a couple of them, and I feel like I’ve missed a lot of what the Facebook used to be... from a decade ago.

I started in December, overwhelmed by the nothingness that lives there. At the time, I was thinking one year. Then, when the new year started, I decided on #facebookFree2019.

If I can go more than a year, why not five hundred days of no Facebook?

And here we are. Halfway.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been wondering what I’ll do when the 500th day passes next April.

Will I reactivate the same account? Will I purge the friends I need to purge?

Or will I start over? There are benefits to the clean slate... if the Facebook overlords will let you. They’re a bit draconian when it comes to the “one account per person” thing.

We shall see.

Next spring.

Lesson for whole life. Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?

Lately, I have been seeking balance in my life.

It’s odd. I think there are moments when we find balance—we can even hold onto it for a bit—yet nature, being as chaotic as she is, blows us down and we have to regroup. And recalibrate.

Of course, decisions we make play into this. Good, bad, and otherwise. Whatever the decisions, finding balance requires that we accept the consequences for our decisions. Acceptance is key to escaping insanity.

Looking back at past entries in this space, I see that I needed a balance between abundance and scarcity. Yes, it is true there are other women out there... each one is lovely on her own. Yet, it is okay to like her. It is perfectly acceptable to miss her when she’s gone.

I like Clarissa. A lot. She’s no longer my girl, but she’s beautiful and fascinating and kind. She cared. Plus, she brought me cream slushes to work. I may never know what exactly happened, but she is wonderful and I wish her only the best.

Memories of her always make me smile.

Yes, there have been others since, and will continue to be others, but each one is special.

We require balance in other areas as well. I am sad for people who watch the news and are so afraid of dying that they forget to live their life. It is increasingly difficult to find harmony when these people are in your life.

And diet. I have been enjoying life free from ketosis for six days now, yet I strive to find a balance of healthy eating and cheat s days /s meals... to continue to enjoy the feeling I get when I’m not eating like a jackass, and occasionally enjoying one of Paulina’s amazing Tres Leches cupcakes, when appropriate.

Life is a journey. Balance helps make the journey extremely pleasant and zen-filled. I look forward to each day... and what it brings.

I always wonder where it goes when that happens.

Her heart “breaks” for all of those lives taken so young. Lives unfulfilled.

From events that prove beyond doubt—there is no tomorrow.

Yet, there is always an excuse not to do it (something, whatever) today. Let’s do it tomorrow. Wednesday. Next week. September 1. New Year’s.

I don’t understand.

There is no tomorrow. You have nothing but time.

Do. It. Now.