Why is it that I am afraid of being successful? I've always been proud of being analytical and logical... but is it logical to continually sabotage myself?

I think procrastination is a sure sign of self-sabotage. I want to do well in school, but I still tend to not give my assignments the amount of time they deserve. I turn them in late, I turn in revised first drafts, I start them too late. I even overthink them and make the assignments much harder than they need to be.

Yet, I believe I want to be successful. I need to learn to walk the walk... not just talk the talk.

It's perfectly logical to be afraid of failure, but I truly believe that it's not failure I'm afraid of.

Another case in point. I'm ready to date. Very ready. The charm is back, the confidence, the charisma. I managed to score a date with "D" on Friday night, only to back out of it... and while I sincerely hope she doesn't think I'm a flake, how can she not?

"R" wants me to call her, but will I?

These women WANT to spend time with me... so why am I starting to push them away? Fear of failure? I don't think so... because I AM failing. It's like it is easier to fail than it is to succeed...

It has got to be a fear of success.

Why is it so hard to step outside of myself and conquer this fear? Damn it, man! Stop overthinking yourself to paralysis and be successful!

Last night, I listened to the song Red Light Fever by Liz Phair. Sure, I've heard it before, but last night was the first time I really listened to it. It's like she's singing that song right to me!

Scared the lights will turn green
You'll have to be seen
You'll be like anybody else
Scared the lights will turn red
You're stuck in your head
Too scared to commit to even her
How you gonna make it through?

What i'm listening to:

L-L-Love
Astaire
Don't Whisper Lies