dilletantism, romanticism, charlatanism
There’s a game being played in this town. It must be a game.
With the way construction is “planned” in this town, eventually it will be impossible to get anywhere. At that point, the head gamemaker... erm... city planner wins.
I wonder what she wins?
In a town where it only takes twenty minutes to get anywhere, that time should never approach forty minutes. It must be by design. After all, it could never be gross incompetence.
This space is starting to turn back into an emo bitch-fest. That is unfortunate. It’s time to turn that shit around. Where to begin...
First off, this quote from The Founder is still speaking to me:
Persistence. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent won’t; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius won’t; unrewarded genius is practically a cliché. Education won’t; the world is full of educated fools. Persistence and determination alone are all powerful.
It’s so true. If there’s something my character is lacking is any sort of persistence... or perseverance. Why is that? I’ve read so much on change and awareness and mastery, it should be possible to change this within myself. Time to figure it out.
But, is perseverance really my problem? I watched a Snap-rant the other day that started on the average person’s lack of perseverance, but then went off on a tangent... albeit an appropriate tangent. Perseverance isn’t the problem. Some of us don’t even get started. We’ll throw good money at some sort of training that will open doors previously closed. Great training, with great ideas and techniques, yet I don’t know if it’s “buyer’s remorse,” or something else, but some of us pay for something and don’t. do. anything.
Nothing.
What the fuck kind of obstacle causes this kind of stagnation? Laziness? Perhaps. Fear? This is more likely. Fear of failure? No. Fear of succeeding. Fear of the unknown.
Yet, it is so apparent that the road to a rich life requires managing a few risks. I’ve said it before, but saying and believing are not the same thing. “Risk is your friend.”
I have a shit-ton of bad programming to overcome. Most of the people I’ve looked up to in life have never really taken a chance on anything. They play it safe, letting someone else pay their wages. Never escalated to any sort of managerial role... for whatever reason. No desire for the responsibility that will accompany the pay off.
And no drive to jump off that cliff that might start a new business... and bring a truly rich life.
I must overcome this bad programming. There must be more to life than working for a meager wage and planned days off and that constant shadow of the possibility of losing said job/wage... and looking for the next one.
Which may pay less than the previous.
Leading to my next obstacle. Why must I take myself so seriously?
A decade ago, I blogged that taking herself less seriously would save Britney... shortly afterward, that’s exactly what she did (you’re welcome).
Last night, I stumbled upon this Dostoyevsky quote in The Game:
I am now eking out my days in my corner, taunting myself with the bitter and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot seriously become anything; that only a fool can become something.
So, I need to become the fool and embrace risk. Not just typing out the words. I need to do this.
Beatnik Beach
Why is it I insist on doing everything wrong. I consume all of these books with wonderful ideas and fantastic roads to change.
But I don’t change.
The old ways don’t work. But that’s what I do. I do it the way I’ve always done it. But it doesn’t work.
Makes me wonder if I am just stupid sometimes. What does it really take to wake me up?
I have all of the tools right in front of me. The tools to build a rich life. A life with money. A life with power. A life with women. And I know how to use them. I’ve used them before.
I used to rule the world, the seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own.
That song speaks to me. It has for a while now. It’s time to wake the fuck up. It’s time to get back on top of my game. Time to stop doing it the way I’ve always done it.
Take a chance. Use the tools. Make life great again.
Be bold. Be social. Be strong. And wake up!
Sausalito Summernight
I really do hate everything about the summer. Heat, humidity, sweat. Mowing, trimming, yard work. Swimming. Long days.
The only thing that keeps me going... is winter. Just hope we get a winter this year. One more winterless year, and I’ll have to move to Banff.
Big Log
I might actually achieve this year’s goal of reading fifty books. Just finished book #40.
Yes, that is a snapshot of 38/39 books read this year... the missing one was given away as a gift.
I am going to take a small break this week, however. Good things are happening. It’s time to take advantage.
No More Tears
This is Odie. A beautiful li'l dog who gives no fucks. Seriously, you can't help but fall in love with him and his personality.
And he's gone. Because a bad dog owner failed to keep his/her German Shepherd contained.
I am profoundly sad for Odie. An avoidable and senseless tragedy, if only people weren't so stupid.
Yes, people. The German Shepherd will likely be destroyed as well... another avoidable act.
Rest in peace, li'l buddy. I'll remember the joy you brought to our lives.
It’s time.
Time to skip town.
I feel it. Every instance of the day, I feel it.
As I drive to work, or to her house, or to the grocery store, or the movies, whenever the car is pointed west, I just want to keep going.
Colorado. The mountains. Maybe some snow.
I have the cash, but I also have obligations. We’ll see how much longer the obligations hold out over the drive to... well, drive.
The Walker
A friend and I have a running hashtag: #rebuild2017. It’s symbolic of the rebuilding of our lives. He’s discovering life after divorce. I’m working on evolving and being less of a jackass.
Being the narcissist that I am—this post is about me, not him.
As long as I can remember, I have struggled with my own mind. In my defense, I’ve only recently become aware of the problem.
I had no idea the path to a richer life required actually living life: be aware, experience everything, stop thinking before you do. This is the path I’m working on, but I’m correcting decades of bad programming.
Some days, I do okay. I am evolving. I am less of a jackass... at least a little bit. I am doing things now. I am aware of those moments of overthinking, and I acknowledge that awareness and let it go. Most of the time. I know now that this is a never-ending journey. Mastery takes practice. Every. Day.
2017 is half over. I’ve read thirty-eight books out of my year’s goal of fifty. My passion for reading is reignited, which is good. This evolution into mastery will require revisiting many of the books I’ve read, and devouring any new books I find on the journey.
And when I socialize, I love telling people about what I’ve learned that makes a difference in my life. I practice what I can. Yet, some road blocks remain.
We all have this one person: in my case, this one girl. I’m not sure what it is about her...
Sure, she’s attractive. She has a great personality. She’s certainly got issues. And I struggle with my former self when I’m around her.
Years ago, when we met, there was a definite spark. There may still be, but she’s not the same. Now she’s the one who’s stuck in her head. She’s no longer enjoying life. She’s lost her passion. At least it looks that way from my point of view.
And now, she wants to spend more time together. Will we be good for each other? Can my positive changes affect her? Or will her current drama knock me off course?
I think I know the answer: I have to be strong. I have to continue on my path—and if I lose her, that’s a risk I have to take. No attachment to outcomes, only the journey.
Yet, she still has this effect on me. And I’m afraid she knows it. Time to be strong. Get out of her world. Bring her into mine. Or don’t.
First Crush