I fell out of love over the weekend. What an interesting sensation... after a love that has consumed me for the better part of two years. And a seven year obsession.

I think it happened on Saturday night. In her hospital room.

It was just a look. I was intruding. In that instant I knew it was over. And I am okay with it.

Or at least I will be. Because I did love her.

Lord, I loved her. I wanted it to be her.

I will continue to believe she loved me too. Her ego simply wouldn’t allow it.

She was split in two.

It no longer matters. Access revoked. I can’t believe how calm I am. And sad. Actually, I can believe the sadness.

Is it over... forever? I don’t think I believe in forever anymore.

Plus, I’ll give any girl a chance to win me over. Even her.

She really only has to do one, maybe two things. First, show me.

She has to show me her words weren’t just words. I know she’s capable. I’ve seen it when she’s relaxed. When her ego is not in control.

The other? She has to choose me. Every day. As I have chosen her. Every day.

Simple? Yes. Easy... maybe not.

Ego is strong. Pride is strong. Shame is strong. Guilt is strong.

Yet, all of these are useless. She is learning this. I am leaving her a better person than I found her. In spite of everything.

Mistakes were made. On both sides. We may just be a couple of dumbasses. Or monsters. Or both.

So, what’s next? I wish I knew... yet knowing doesn’t change anything.

I really thought we could have some fun and I could save myself before she ruined my life. Now… we have an apartment together. She’s pregnant. And we hate each other.

I’m not certain I ever want to see her again.

I haven’t seen her since that “intrusion.” Her, once again, broadcasting just how much I don’t matter to her.

My best friend, and harshest critic has been especially scathing lately. And it’s not undeserved. And it’s without judgment. After all, he has been there. Hopelessly in love. With someone who could not return it.

I was never good with girls. Getting them. Keeping them. Then, when I got one, I’d enjoy her, yet ultimately waste both of our time.

I suppose, at the time I wanted her. Hell, I’ve written volumes on Cecilia. Nothing on par with what I’ve written on Clarissa, but both ladies were learning experiences.

Anyway, Joe reminded me that, as men, we need to focus on mind, money, and muscle. Get those things handled, and then we can invite women into our world.

Clarissa shone a spotlight on that. I built a life that was ideal for me. A rich life.

Yet, the life I built couldn’t scale. The life that was more than sufficient for my own needs—my own lifestyle—crumbled under the weight of another.

Lord, I loved her. It’s so crazy feeling a void where that obsession resided. Knowing she may never find anyone who loves her like I did. That, however, is not my responsibility. Karma be damned.

Maybe she wasn’t that special. But the way I loved her was.

At least I’m not afraid of her—or anything—anymore. She is more than welcome to try again, but only if she truly wants it. Show me you choose me. Every day. Anything less, is a no.