I’ve got regrets... but I don’t regret a single day I spent with you.

Wait. I regret one. The one that changed the course of the entire relationship. The one you could never let go of. The one day/morning/moment I can never take back.

You wanted it to work. We both did.

I frustrated you. In that critical first moment. And I broke your heart. And our relationship.

That morning, you asked me to come over before your daughter woke up. You wanted me to kiss you—in between your legs. I went down on you, enjoying every moment of it. You taste so good. I love the way you move when you writhe with pleasure. The way you smiled at me. The way your pussy swelled underneath my lips, my tongue.

Honestly, I can eat you every day of my life. You genuinely wanted me. Right then and there. We were—in that moment—lovers. You loved that I was sexual.

You were so wet. And I will never forget the sensation of your silky thighs sliding along mine.

Immediately afterwards. Why was I unable to perform? I will never know.

The tears in your eyes when you pushed me away. When you screamed at me to “Get out!”

The messages and erotic pictures that followed. You saying that you want this to work. We both left frustrated.

Ultimately, you wrote me off that day. That was the day you no longer wanted me.

Oh, you tried. You dragged it out for nearly a year. Yet, you were unable to release the effect of that day’s images in your mind.

And I’m better. I’ve been horny ever since. Enjoying lovers that aren’t you... when all I want is you. All of you.

And you’re gone. I can no longer have you. You threw that morning in my face in your dramatic break up. The things you said in that break up. How much have you hated me? And for how long?

Now, I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to begin again. To meet women. To seduce them. To get to know them.

It’s true, that I won’t be starting over again from the bottom. If feels like it, but the reality is that I’m somewhere closer to the top. Closer than I realize.

Part of me wants to whore around. Sleep with anyone and everyone. Walk into the room and announce, “Who wants to fuck?!”

Part of me wants to die. There is no life without love. None worth having anyway.

What a shame that one moment completely destroyed your faith in me? Why would I want to do this again?

Love makes us sick, haunts our dreams, destroys our days. Love has killed more than any disease.

Every romantic relationship you’ll ever have will be a failure… except the last one… and you never know you’re in the last one until you’re in it.

What i'm listening to:

Should’ve Known Better
Richard Marx
Richard Marx