So, starting tomorrow the "silly season" has officially begun. For those who are unawares, i consider the silly season to be that timeframe from Thanksgiving day through St. Valentine's day.

I have to admit i'm not sure how i feel about that. You see, i've always been kind of a Scrooge anyway... and really have only start enjoying the holiday season a couple of years ago.

But things are going to be very different this year.

It doesn't help that i'm normally down this time of year either. I hate being cold, i don't particularly care for winter (but i do LOVE the snow, figure that one out!), and i while i've always thought the holidays were nice, the over-commercialization of them really leaves me cold.

And i hate being cold.

Oddly, during the before time, the period of time within the silly season is when our relationship always thrived the most.

This year, i prefer to think of it as a time of transition. The growth is about to stop for the season (hopefully that will apply to my belly too!), and i'm about to enter a state where i intend to figure out what the next big steps are going to be in my life.

Granted, i've done a lot of that over the past several months... and i really am working on acting vs. thinking about acting.

Really!

The semester ends in three weeks, and following that will be the first real break i've had from school since the before time.

I'll finally have time to get my house in order. Finally have time to devote to meeting new people, taking music and dance lessons... and starting a new career path.

It really is very exciting.

And i'm getting really, really annoying with my use of the word "really" today. Oh well, hardly anyone reads this yet anyway... and if/when people finally do, well, they can criticize me for my writing.

Until then... who cares! =^)

Anyway, this year i'm actually looking forward to this time of year. Very exciting things are already happening in my life... and there's so much more to come.

I don't know if meeting that special someone is just around the corner or not. Hell, i don't know if i've already met her... i guess we'll just have to wait and see.

What i'm listening to:

I've Been Thinking About You
Londonbeat
In the Blood

Tonight, i sit here eating a slightly freezer-burned pudding pop and contemplate my current options for battling loneliness.

Tomorrow night, i'm supposed to go see D. I would like to ask her to lunch and/or dinner for this weekend... even though i feel i have an idea what she will say, which leads me to thinking about my convincing arguments why one date is just what both of us need to get our feet wet again.

Last night, i met a lovely young woman on the treadmill next to mine at the gym. She's an advertising major who's currently working as a Hooters girl and kicks my ass on the treadmill. Her friendliness really added to her appeal, and being brunette and all-natural certainly doesn't hurt either.

And she went 70 minutes at a 15% grade. Wow! =^O

Almost certainly out of my league... almost. However, she was carrying on a conversation with me without running away screaming. I'll take the lucky chips when i can! =^)

I'm concerned about the next few days. Because of the holiday, the gym will be closed until Monday. My last chance will be tomorrow, so i'll be skipping out of work a wee bit early to get my shoulder workout that's due in.

I'm very pleased with how i'm looking... and more importantly, how i'm feeling.

And i'm a little disturbed that the 'h' key on my beloved iMac is causing me some grief tonight. Hopefully i haven't missed any here. =^\

Anyway, it is late and i have an early day in the a.m. so i'm going to wrap this and call it a night.

There's nothing quite like discovering you managed to smash a glob of ear wax onto your ear buds.

Bleah!

What i'm listening to:

Halcyon and On and On
Orbital
Mortal Kombat Soundtrack

About a month ago i was chatting on the phone with a good friend. I asked him what his definition of cheating was?

You see, for some it is a kiss on the lips. For others, it is only cheating when there is intercourse. For a chosen few, there are instances where intercourse doesn't mean cheating.

Anyway, his definition was pretty good... in my mind anyway. He said that a kiss should be considered cheating if there is a sexual meaning behind it.

So, if i were dating someone... yet i kiss D on the cheek (so far, it is only the cheek... but clearly, i am attracted to her), that could be interpreted as cheating.

I have another friend whom i would never ask that question to. I already know the answer. I also know he's on his second marriage.

And now for something completely different. I was speaking with my mum on Saturday, and she had a li'l nugget she stuck in my head.

Apparently this young lady i was quite friendly with ten years ago is available. Mum says she looks great!

Not surprising... "H" always looked great! =^)

Anyway, i'll have to look her up when i visit Mum in a couple of months. Who knows what could happen?

At the very least, i'm really looking forward to getting re-acquainted with an old friend. Certainly i cannot have too many friends!

Definitely something to look forward to!

What i'm listening to:

Bridge Over Troubled Water
Simon & Garfunkel
Bridge Over Troubled Water

I saw D today. Actually, i saw her last week, and she was terribly busy at work so she asked me to come in tonight and see her.

So, i did. Again, she was very busy and we didn't get to talk much.

I did finally ask her out though... and she couldn't because she will be sitting in a hospital with a friend this weekend.

She did, however, indicate that i should ask again. Finally, progress! =^)

She really seems to like me, and that's good... 'cos i'm quite fond of her as well.

Anyway, i'll keep my expectations on the low side for now and we'll see how things progress.

The past couple of weeks, i've been doing some of my cardio on the treadmill instead of the track. I'm not sure why, although it started on election night when i was interested in seeing the returns on the television.

Tonight was my first experience actually running on the treadmill. I'm not sure if i like it, but i hope someday i'll get used to it. It sure seems to bounce a lot under my feet, and i constantly feel like i might fly right off the back.

I suppose i will keep alternating between the track and the treadmill. Probably depending on the view from each on a given evening! ;^)

Finally, last night i had another bizarre dream. This one made the previous night's look pretty tame... although it was very strange. In the dream, i proposed to an exotic dancer (who looked familiar, but unlike anyone in my life), and ended up giving her the ring i bought for C (tacky, but this is dreamland... and it really is quite beautiful).

I was at this strip club with all of my co-workers... including a couple of the executives. In the midst of my betrothed and i celebrating, and emergency staff meeting is called. It is going to take place on the company jet.

So, i'm on the plane with my co-workers, my young lady is in the club showing off her ring, and then i'm the one who notices the plane is making rather tight circles. In fact, it seems to be spiraling.

Then, suddenly i'm watching the whole thing... from a bar (not the strip club) on an episode of "Blind Date," and wondering how they got separated and if the plane is going to crash.

Then i wake up. Fortunately, i wake up early enough to head down to the club (not a strip club) and have a couple of drinks.

Quite possibly, the most important thing i've learned since the "before time" is that if i have alcohol in my system, i don't dream... which means i will sleep through the night.

Fortunately, that can equal one glass of wine or an old fashioned before bed. Besides, after what my mind has been through this summer, i don't think i'm at risk of developing a drinking problem. I never need it, and most nights i don't want it.

Anyway, here's to hoping D and i get to have our first date soon!

What i'm listening to:

The Trick Is to Keep...
Garbage
Version 2.0

It had it all, action, adventure, the hero, his girl, the nasty villain, the impossible situation for our hero.

Well, i'll give you three guesses who the girl was... you won't need 'em tho'. I will say, however, that as the dream progressed, she became very idealized. Not quite into a Mischa Barton/Reese Witherspoon... but not quite herself either.

And the villain? Well, he was FAR from his mid-50s! Farther than i am in fact. And he was very built, and very tall, and even somewhat witty. I suppose you could say he was "idealized" as well.

Our hero? Well, perhaps he was a little more than reality too. Let's just say i did some things in the dream that i did or would have done in my younger days that i probably wouldn't do now.

I suppose my action movie/dream isn't important... and i'm not sure i want to remember it, except for one very big thing i noted.

In the dream, she knew how to push my buttons. She did just enough to wrap me back around her finger, to attempt to "rescue" her from the situation she is now in, because she realizes (for whatever reason) that i am the one she will always love.

Which highlights my big fear.

You see, in my waking consciousness... i'm doing very well in my transition. I rarely think about her. I have little desire to be with her again. I don't really respect her judgment even if i have to respect her choices... because i firmly believe she is throwing everything good in her life away.

Exactly what she did in the dream. Except, in the dream she plays the prodigal and returns.

Which is probably what they mean when they say love is irrational. If she were to call me tomorrow... tell me she made a huge mistake... tell me she needs me now... tell me she's not worthy, but that she's sunk lower than bottom... what, what would i do?

And what if the real life villain, like the one in the dream, isn't at all willing to let her go... even if it means killing our hero.

What would i do?

I only hope and pray that i am smarter than that. I have moved on, i deserve... DESERVE... someone who CAN love me back. Someone who would never do what she did. Someone who has faith, and understands what love is... or at least knows how to love someone.

Who wants to be with me as much as i want to be with her.

Again, the fairy tale. I refuse to settle for anything less... for money, convenience, or ease, or anything else... i'm better than that.

At this point in the game, to go back to her would be a equivalent to giving up on everything i ever wanted... just like she did... because i now know she is faithless and dead inside. She gave in to the temptations of evil (yes, i still believe this guy is the embodiment of evil), and it killed the young woman i fell in love with and was willing to marry.

Someone who i still mourn everyday and will forever love... but someone who no longer exists.

Last night was another night of discoveries.

My affinity for procrastination is ascending to a new extreme... i have three papers due this week. Two of them i've known about since June. Yet, somehow i'll still find other things to do.

Like blogging. Meh.

Perhaps that explains why i blog while i'm at work? ;^)

I also discovered that i need to do a better job buying socks. I have some awesome fitting socks from way back that seem indestructible. Seriously, they are seven years old and still have no holes... or any indication that holes are on the way. Hell, the ex bought me socks three years ago as a stocking stuffer and they have all since been thrown out. Holes in the heel and ball areas. Not comfortable.

So, i bought a package of socks at Target... but they move all over the place when i run and tend to bunch up in my shoes. Not comfortable.

Those, i was wearing last night for my workout. Nothing quite like having to stop the treadmill five times to rearrange your socks. Meh.

So, why don't i run out and buy more of these wonderful socks i'm wearing today? To be honest, i really don't remember where i bought them. Or what brand they are. Or anything about them. They really don't have any identifiable markings... other than green thread sewing the toe shut and grey patches under the balls and heel areas.

Maybe that's enough. The socks i bought last month have red thread... but can a person discern that through the packaging?

Finally, i discovered that Tuesday night is the night a lot of pretty girls on campus workout. I have a buddy who told me that working out around hot women is a bad thing... and results in a lousy workout for him.

For me, it gives me an energy boost... a desire to show off (now that i can), and i don't consider it a distraction like he does. If anything it is a pleasant diversion between sets. =^)

At least i remembered to take my nano to my cardio workout last night. The previous night, i discovered the hard way that my iPod battery isn't quite enough to get through an eight hour work day and then an hour or two at the gym. I suppose that's fair though... i got my iPod before they were cool, so it's getting pretty old.

And it does get used every day.

Anyway, my fifteen is over... time to get back to work!

What i'm listening to:

Goodbye Stranger
Supertramp
Breakfast in America

There is this quote that has been stuck in my head since last night.

"When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures." - Roger Moore in The Spy Who Loved Me.

I will spare everyone the recollection of the dream that put this quote into my head.

However, the dreams have been pretty interesting lately... frequently, they feature someone i wish they wouldn't, but maybe they've been trying to tell me something.

No, i haven't forgotten the mission. I'm not neglecting it either. Let's just say i'm restructuring my schedule, and my finances... and i am taking this week and weekend to get caught up on my schoolwork.

If only i didn't have this affinity for procrastination. Bleah!

And sleep... imagine what i could get done if i didn't have to sleep!

Of course, i could "if" myself into endless frustration... and be in a state not terribly different from the stupor i spent the summer in. That would be bad!

So, on that note, i'm going to cut this short. Soon, however, i plan to delve deeply into some treasures. ;^)

Very soon.

What i'm listening to:

Shine a Little Love
Electric Light Orchestra
Discovery

Ok, so now i must be dreaming. I've settled on what my next car is going to be. However, i've never had a car loan and i don't intend to start now, so it's time to start saving money and/or get the money-making machine rolling.

Good thing i drive a Toyota now... she's probably got another 400,000 miles left or so before she'll have to be replaced! =^)

That'll leave me plenty of time to work out the financials and do some research to figure out if this is really what i want.

So, the rebuilding process of my life is well underway. It's kinda scary when i look back and see how careless i was about some things. Ok, maybe not scary... 'cos i've learned to take some risks and that risk is my friend.

I've learned a lot about how i interact with women i encounter on the streets. I've learned a lot about what to do (and not to do) with money i have... and don't have.

Maybe i've even figured some things about love. At least i can be reassured that i now know what love isn't. =^)

I've discovered sooo much good music out there, and i'm slowly getting the ability to listen to my old playlists back. It's all coming back to me now... only stronger, better.

I've *almost* got my focus back, which is helping with my schoolwork.

And after 2 1/2 months of bouncing between 163 and 167 pounds, i *finally* achieved the holy grail of my weight goals over the weekend! 162 pounds!

So, have i finally found the right combination of eating healthy and working out? We'll see... i'd like to be down to 160 by Thanksgiving and 155 by Christmas. One hundred fifty-five has been the target since high school... but i'd long since written it off as unattainable.

Now it's within reach. Hell, all of my dreams are!

And i not only feel good... i've never looked better! I don't know that i've ever *known* i look good. Now, i'm bordering on narcissism. Trust me, that is not a bad thing!

I suppose now is a good time to get back to my Monday. W00t!

What i'm listening to:

Private Suit
Bettie Serveert
Private Suit