It is time to get back on my developmental journey. It’s important to always be working to improve yourself and your life.

Like Dave Ramsey says:

Live like no one else so you can live like no one else.

Of course, Dave is referring to money and spending, but this statement can apply in so many other ways as well. It’s no secret I’ve let a couple of young ladies derail my focus over the last few weeks. Okay, months.

So, it is time to circle back to that critical question that pops up a few times in this space. What do I want?

Reflecting on where I am and what I’ve accomplished in life, it becomes increasingly clear that I’m not really good at anything. Nothing that enables me to stand out anyway.

Don’t misconstrue what I’m saying—I tend to be great at what I do while I’m doing it. However, I am a terrible employee. While I am smart enough to know that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I find that I am rarely re-hireable when I change directions... that is, unless I find I connect with a like-minded manager.

Yet, I find I need to pick something to master. A few things actually. It is past time to hone my craft. Of course, this brings up the next question:

What am I passionate about?

The last several years, this is a question that frequently appears. After all, what gets me hard? My life coach says, this is truly all that matters.

Sadly, I don’t know.

For someone who abhors mediocrity, it is unfortunate that I excel at being mediocre.

So, what’s next? I wish I knew. Many gurus maintain that action is far better than the inaction that comes with overthinking, yet somehow I need to point myself in the right direction. At least somewhere useful.

The road needs to lead in a way to enable me to discover my passions. We all have hopes, dreams and passions, but through the numbing of society, school, and growing up, we forget. After all, Thoreau was right:

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

Which leads me to my next self-criticism. In order to truly grow, learn, hone your craft, you need a mentor. You cannot do it alone.

Yet, what is one who tends toward solitude and isolation to do? Especially one who will rarely even jeopardize his comfort in solitude for the love of a beautiful woman? Or the companionship of a good friend?

What does it mean when a beautiful girl smiles and says “Hi!” when she walks by, and the first thought that crosses your mind is: don’t let her in?

Today’s big question: How do I get over myself? What do I do to push outside of my comfort zone and seek out a mentor? Make new, like-minded friends? Not push away that beautiful girl?

After all, if I’m so unhappy with my life, why am I not taking sufficient action to change it?

Clearly, this journey is going to get harder before it gets easier. I’d better pull up my bootstraps.

What i'm listening to:

Not Going Away
Ozzy Osbourne
Black Rain