So, now that the circle is complete... i have a lot of hard choices to make. Am i happy where i'm at? Am i happy with what i'm doing? With the direction my life is going?

There is someone i met just a few weeks ago... and she has been interested in seeing how this drama with C plays out. Now that that's over, i wonder what will happen there? Will she make me happy? Will i make her happy?

What kind of choice will i make if C decides to come back and i'm in the situation she is in right now?

Ok, that's not really the direction i need to be thinking right now. I do have a lot of loose ends to tie up if i'm planning a major life change. I had a plan in place for relocating to be with C if she really wants it. Maybe i should expand on the same plan if i am so happy here? After all, the timetable is not fixed without her... and neither is the relocation destination.

She has made her choices... and while i think they are mistakes, i cannot make my decisions based on being available to catch her when she falls.

As i've said before... if we are meant to be, things will work out without my intervention.

One could argue that if i were to land a job where she is... that would add stress to her current "relationship," to which i would answer there is only one reason my presence will cause her relationship to crumble... she is not with who she wants.

But she is happy with her decision right now, and i respect that.

Now i just have to figure out my new purpose. To borrow from Jack Palance's character in City Slickers, i need to figure out that one thing that matters to me and pursue it.

No, not C... something else... something for me.

I used to know what i wanted to do with my life. I had it all planned out. Then C happened, and our plans started merging with each other. I'm afraid somehow mine got lost in the whirlwind.

Were i a spiritual man, i might figure i'm going through a test... maybe in some ways i am.

Maybe it's just time to find out if this is all that i am... if there is anything more...

Finally... i have reached the end.

The outcome wasn't quite what i had hoped for, but she says she is happy. In the end, i only want her to be happy.

I don't believe her when she says she is happy... but i have always believed in her, so that's what counts.

We are still in a much better place than we were two weeks ago. I promised to be here for her if she ever needs me... i'm not sure i'll get the same promise from her, but at least i know that she still cares.

The end of the road... which isn't as bad as Boyz 2 Men make it sound. All i need to do is turn around and it is a new beginning.

Will i even love this way again? It is hard to say. She's in a relationship that makes her happy... she's not in love, she doesn't see them getting married... but she seems to be in a good place.

I think i'm getting there. There will still be rocky patches, largely because no one has ever loved me like that girl did... and that someone could take that away from her... from me... from us. Well, it may be some time before i can believe in true love again.

Maybe i never will... it clearly doesn't account for much! Ok, that's not fair... and i still believe that if we were truly meant to be then our paths will cross again and we'll be together. Ok, that's terribly idealistic... hopefully i can find peace somewhere in the middle.

At least i was able to get myself back in this process. And we both got some of the closure we needed... it wasn't a mistake.