I still can't help wonder how something so perfect could go so wrong.

The last six months i was more in love with her than i have ever been. I guess i didn't convey that very well... because she didn't believe i was totally into the relationship.

Perhaps she lost faith because she thought i did.

I know i'm dwelling, but i think i'm starting to move on. I know i wasn't totally to blame, and i never gave up on us... but maybe i didn't do enough.

And now i'm just so totally worried about her, because i still recall the stories she told me of her life when we were apart for two years... before the devotion and love and wonder!

Now i just have to have faith... faith that she will be ok, that she will not give in to temptations, will not be a victim of her own naivete, and faith that time will heal these wounds. Faith that she will see i always loved her and that i would do anything for her.

As well as faith that i will move on... and keep her fond memory in my thoughts. And faith that i can give her the time she needs...

Ok, today sucked.

Yesterday, i was actually in good spirits... but it was a rather long day, so i didn't get anything posted before i decided to go to bed.

I kinda wish i had. I think that i'll manage to get some of the good stories posted later.

Tonight, i'm sitting here sipping my absinthe... finished watching season 2 of the US version of "The Office", and now i'm watching the UK version from the beginning. Another good thing that came out of the weekend!

I'm starting to accept things i think. It is hard, and i'm fortunate to have a great support system to help me find the strength.

I have to keep in mind that i'm not the one who chose to forget the last three years. I'm not the one who treated her like shit for the last three weeks. I didn't play this game and make her jump through hoops while i had no intention of trying to make this work.

Yet, i'm still sad. As much as she loved me... she has to feel something still. I know i have proven beyond doubt there was nothing i wouldn't do for that girl... but somehow she was able to find something.

Something that cannot have been an issue for long... or she wouldn't have wasted three years of our lives! Not that i think it was a waste... i have no regrets of the moments we shared!

I have received some good advice from my good friend Amy... so hopefully i'll find the strength to stick to it. Find the strength to move on and find someone who appreciates everything i have to offer. And thanks to Joe & Erin for helping me see that i don't deserve to be treated this way for what has happened.

Odd, i've considered C to be my best friend for sooo long... i guess she should have had my back.

Anyway, my cocktail and "The Office" awaits!

What i'm listening to:

Bad Touch
Bloodhound Gang
Hooray for Boobies