Identity is a strange thing. Where does it come from, after all?

A co-worker ran into me on a patio outside a downtown pub. I was chatting with this couple I know. She was particularly striking.

He said, “You know, you’re always surrounded by the most beautiful people.”

It was true. I suppose it still is. I recall another comedy event I attended a few months prior. I used two dozen tickets. And yes, my friends were fine as fuck. The entire room noticed.

And my best friends will be the first to tell you. The hottest girl in the room? I’ll be right there chatting her up.

Today, I am contemplating life… without.

How tragic is it, to build an identity based on external factors.

Don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I’m still drawn to beauty. I will continue to attract the beautiful women. To have them orbit my world.

It’s time to find myself within solitude. To regain my own emotional ballast. Because I’ve been entirely too consumed with this relationship I’m in.

Can I desire her? Enormously? Without allowing her to become my entire emotional world?

A most profound question I was exposed to yesterday…

We must maintain our own emotional color. She did not sign up for becoming our entire world. Who would want that responsibility?

What a joy is it to say that she can be the most exciting part of your day without becoming the only reason your day is exciting!

Without a life you’re inviting her into, we can lose our independent center of gravity. A life keeps us emotionally nimble. It’s not always that serious.

Because, fuck. When did she become important?

And make no mistake. She is important. We may be beautifully misaligned. Not every connection needs to proceed.

So, I am learning to experience life without. Again. Enjoy her when she is here. Enjoy life when she is not.

It really is that simple.

We have become important to each other. Occasionally, that feels heavy. It doesn’t need to, however.

And it doesn’t help that other people assign their own labels to what we are doing. Hell, I’m not even sure hers and my experiences of this relationship are the same. How would anyone else know what we’re doing?

And, does it even matter? Especially if her and I both enjoy what we’re doing?

Mind your business and stay in your own lane.

And excuse me while I slip out and enjoy my day. I’ve got better things to do.