Perhaps, for the first time, I understand increased awareness.

This. This is how blocked I have been. My entire life. Profoundly sad, really. No wonder I am alone. In my head. Safe. Because they know me in here.

No. I’m not really safe in here. Only demons live inside my head. Telling me why I’ll never keep her. Or have her.

Or succeed. Or fail. Because, why try?

I’m safe. Because, they know me in here.

Everything. Is a lie. God damn it.

Anyway, today, I am listening to a song. It’s an old song… one I’ve known practically my entire life.

Yet, never had I ever imagined—actually imagined—the sight, the sounds, the smell, the taste, and OMG, the feeling! of “makin’ love at midnight, at the dunes, on the cape.”

Not once.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? Correction, was.

Breathe. Let it go. You see her now. On the sand. Inviting you.

Now I understand. Truly. Don’t let this go.

What i'm listening to:

Escape (The Piña Colada Song)
Rupert Holmes
Partners in Crime