Something else occurred to me today.

You no longer smile when my name appears on your phone.

This. Is unforgivable. Is it?

I am truly sorry. How did it even get this far? Not even a month ago, there was pure joy at yet another notification.

It’s all gone. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

What is left to do? Or say? Goodbye? It seems fucking childish to disappear without acknowledging this. No, ghosting isn’t the solution, forever and ever left to haunt each other.

Or is there a path? To the pure joy we experienced? Ahead.

God damn it, that wasn’t fair to you. Is there anything worse I could have done than to deprive you of that joy? Yet, how do we settle arguments/fights when we’re apart? Without destroying joy?

Life is a constant. No ebbs. No flows. Can this knowledge and awareness alone quell doubt? Insecurity? Whatever nonsense creeps in and makes her dread the notification? The same nonsense that agonizes her when the notification doesn’t appear?

What is next? Start here:

Do NOT message her, unless:

1. It brings joy or delight.
2. We’re arranging a meetup.