It is not lost on me that had I not become emotionally invested—smitten, even—in you, that I’d have already had you.

So, how do I find and focus on the big picture? The grand vision? Life, itself?

How do I become this extraordinary man? The man who’s life is bigger than himself? The one all the girls want?

I am closer. I catch glimpses of it. Here. And there.

I need to maintain it though. Push it beyond the smoke and mirrors that it is.

At this point, I have mastered the illusion. And for a shining moment, captured the attentions/affections of a woman who ticks all the boxes.

Ah, but it only ever lasts a season.

Now the seasons have changed. And I allowed myself to become consumed. Again, my house of cards fell all around me.

I am this close to knowing what I want. The grand vision is coming together. I hadn’t planned on meeting someone who would become part of that, at a time when neither of us were ready for it.

It’s time to take a step (or many) back. To stop worrying about the how—even if the “how” has been drummed into me since my youth—squashing the dreamer filled with desire.

I have been spoiled. I am soft. My life easy. Even with my current trials and tribulations, I don’t know how to adapt. No idea where to begin if I wanted to hop on a boat for overseas and work on myself.

This time, it can’t be an illusion. I must become an excellent man. It will not be easy. It is, however, what I need.

What i'm listening to:

In Your Eyes
The Weeknd
After Hours