I needed to see you, so I rolled up in front of your house. You saw me and ran across the street and into my arms.

It’s only been six weeks, since we last saw each other, yet this time was… different.

Your eyes were so bright as you chattered on and on about what’s been going on this summer. We shared pictures on our phones of our respective summers. And we finally filled the void of having no photos together.

You looked so fucking incredible, and I told you. And I still can’t get over how excited you were. You confessed you want me to come back. That life isn’t the same without me. You even inquired about the logistics of coming to see me.

Over the summer, you even reconnected with your crazy ex, out of a moment of desperation and loneliness. I reminded you that you can call me anytime—even if it’s to tell you to, “Stay away from him, you dumb bitch.”

Then I had to go. Since, we have messaged a little. We’ve exchanged the selfies we took. Then nothing.

I may never understand why there’s so much electricity when we’re together, yet so much disinterest when we’re apart. Why is ghosting our norm? We only play games when we’re away from each other. I don’t understand why.

And then, there’s you…

You were so excited about seeing me. You’re sending selfies in a cute pink dress while I’m still three cities away. You’re messaging me about food and logistics and where I’m staying.

You came over to my flat. I discovered you weren’t wearing a bra or panties under your dress. I discovered your ticklish spots. And you stayed the night.

You told me about your entire summer. And I told you about mine. We shared photos on our phones, while consuming a Sonic cream slush and a couple of beers.

Yet, in your case, the rapport acts as a fire extinguisher. There’s no fire. No passion. We’re going through the motions. And I don’t know why. Well, maybe I do.

Perhaps, my ability to see the Matrix after taking that red pill is truly making me tragically single. Perhaps.

Or, perhaps there is still a girl out there that is truly my girl. One who is looking for an adventure and an evolution, in addition to an extraordinary experience. One who understands my life and where I am in my journey.

For now, I’ll just enjoy my experiences with my sweethearts as well as my periods of solitude.

For now. I just wish the signals were more... consistent.

What i'm listening to:

I Feel It Coming
The Weeknd, Daft Punk
Starboy