In case you didn’t know, I have a strong aversion to coffee. It smells and tastes vile and wretched.

Family members said my tastes would change as I got older.

They lied.

Yet, I also suffer from low-grade narcolepsy. And frequently sleep thirteen hours in a day.

Hmm… I wonder if there’s a connection there?

Impossible—after all, Mountain Dew doesn’t affect my sleep needs either.

On that note, I need a nap.