Life in the north woods of Wisconsin is changing me.

I don’t mind, to be honest.

I find I’m becoming a morning person—lately, I’m up around 5:30 am. And I’m becoming more outdoorsy. I’m losing weight. And I’m running.

No, I’m not ready for a marathon yet… nor even a 5k… but what started as a four-mile daily walk—something else I never used to do—has become, well, more.

You could say, I’m losing the COVID-19 and returning to the best shape of my life. Even if I’m still basking in my solitude™.

Experiencing the great outdoors of northern Wisconsin, however, has introduced me to a truly evil insect. Seriously.

I find myself daydreaming of the glory days of DDT, or wishing for some Delta-9 nerve gas. Anything to create a poison cloud around my person.

It doesn’t have to be big, by any means. All it has to do is drop any insect that enters it dead. to. the. ground.

Instantly.

Or at least cause it to pass out.

Instantly.

If you’ve ever lived or visited this far north, you may have figured out that I’m referring to deer flies. Wretched and annoying little creatures. And why do their bites take five weeks (and counting) to heal?

So, I’ve been conducting a li’l research on how to cope with these buggers. Off doesn’t help. Information from a web search says that deer flies do not smell, so stinky repellent won’t keep them away. They’re attracted to your movement, not your scent.

As a fledgling runner, I cannot hope to outrun them. Hell, were I experienced, I couldn’t hope to outrun them. After all, they’re called “deer flies” for a reason. And deer are pretty fast.

Another option is to get up before they do. Yes, that’s funny, but yes, that’s really a thing. I did discover that the deer flies are less “bad” if I go for my run sometime around thirty minutes before dawn to about an hour after… at which point the sun rises above the trees. Odd, considering I seem to encounter most of these nuisances in the shade.

Next, I adopted a hoodie. Wearing long pants and a hoodie are actually quite effective—the only caveat being if a curious deer fly manages to find her way, and get trapped somewhere inside the hood.

Okay, there’s another caveat. Running in seventy degree weather with a hoodie causes a level of sweat that I’m not accustomed to. Plus, it adds considerable weight to my frame for the run.

Frankly, I’m just tired of being hot and sweaty. It’s been enough of a deterrent to keep me from enjoying my run many days.

Those days, it is beginning to feel something is missing.

Kelly was right when she said the days she decides not to run or workout end up being “off” days. Have I mentioned that she has inspired me to pursue this?

Today, I tried something new. I found a spray that has no scent (at least that I can detect). Apparently, it has an ingredient derived from black pepper, which the deer flies do not like the taste of.

Definitely worth a try, so I covered my head, arms and legs with a layer, threw on a t-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts, and headed out. “Go big, or go home,” right?

Well, the flies were still out there. And they still pursued me. I could feel them bouncing off the back of my head, and occasionally landing.

However, they didn’t stick around long. And there were less. I made it four miles, and have yet to find a single bite.

Fingers crossed, that this solution will continue to be effective. And I can continue to enjoy my trail runs.

If not? Well, bring on the black market DDT. Or Delta-9. Where is Goldfinger when you need him?