Swipe left:

• if you’re into average dudes
• if you’ll put me behind your kids, pets, parents, a televised game, any/all of the above

Swipe right:

• if you want to awaken the tsunami between your legs
• if you’re truly looking for adventure

Seriously, only beautiful women looking to escape the mediocrity need apply. I’ve met a lot of women. Any who’ll throw out the blanket statement and put ALL men behind her kids, pets, parents, or a fucking sporting event has clearly never had great sex.

Ask how I know.

And yes, I know those of you who HAVE had great sex. And you’re not putting your man behind your kids, pets, parents, or a fucking sporting event. You’re bringing him a Sonic slushie as a surprise to work. Or showing up at his door wearing nothing but a trenchcoat.

You, are truly looking for adventure, and looking to release that tsunami. And you, are welcome in my life. Swipe right.

I’ve read women have 206 bones in their body. Wouldn’t you like one more?