There are so many women out there, almost all of them are beautiful in one way or another.

Yet, it makes no sense to fixate on one. None. Whatsoever.

So, why do I?

Occasionally, one particular woman truly dazzles. She’s like looking into the sun.

Will there be another? Unquestionably.

Yet will I be ready for her?

Hmm…

History would suggest that I won’t. Yet…

There's no such thing as a good influence. All influence is immoral, because the aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly. That's what we're here for. A man should live out his life fully and completely, give form to every feeling, expression to every thought, reality to every dream. Every impulse that we suppress broods in the mind and poisons us. There's only one way to get rid of a temptation and that's to yield to it. Resist it and the soul grows sick with longing to the things it has forbidden to itself.

Perhaps this is why I am so sick. With longing. I know what I want. Yet…

Yet I am currently talking to a few wonderful young ladies. Each one is beautiful. Amazing. Enchanting. Not her. Not the one I want.

Is that so wrong? How else will I be ready for the next dazzler?

Or will I ever?

When the excitement of meeting one who’s soul reaches out and touches mine… how can I not be eager? Excited? How can I cure the ache in my soul when I frighten her? When she inevitably rejects me?..

How can I contain my excitement? And channel it appropriately?

So many questions…

What i'm listening to:

Strangers
FLETCHER
You Ruined New York City for Me