Seriously. Do you even know?

If so, good for you. It’s likely most of us don’t. I don’t. As I’m learning more about myself and ascending toward enlightenment, I’ve discovered this is my road block. In fact, it’s my biggest road block.

This has been the recurring theme in my life. I’d say “currently,” but I think this has ALWAYS been the theme of my life. I don’t know what I want.

Knowing what I don’t want is not. the. same. thing.

Our minds trend toward avoiding what we don’t want rather than seeking what we want. The reason we’re repressed in this way isn’t relevant, because we’re programmed that way. Waxing philosophical won’t help find what we want. Even if we want to understand... understanding repression is a general goal.

Today’s nugget of wisdom I received reminds me to be super specific with my goals. None of this generalities nonsense.

So, what do I want?

Why do we get so stuck in living asleep? Why are we content to live inside our minds? The human condition is the human curse... one I must fight. every. day.

I am struggling to be aware of what’s going on around me. The cool air blowing on my skin. The beads of sweat on my forehead. The feeling of the plastic keys on my fingertips. The mellow music playing in my ears. The plastic of the earbuds resting only mildly comfortably in my tiny ears. The flavor profile of the Earl Grey latte I’m enjoying: the mildly peppery hint from the tea, the bergamot oil, the vanilla, the simple syrup, the cream.

I truly enjoy my tea.

I am learning to acknowledge that the thoughts are there, but it is not easy to keep them from dominating my attention. That is the secret. We can’t turn off the bullshit machine of the mind, but we can be aware of everything else affecting our senses... and aware that it is indeed bullshit. All of it.

Yet, this is one of the joys of being human. Dogs aren’t worried about anything. Dogs don’t have student loan payments, horrible bosses, cell phones, taste in music, or even have to worry about if that girl you’ve been seeing is cool with the fact you’re seeing a few others... even though she likely is.

Dogs don’t have to worry about double standards.

Dog is tired, dog naps. Dog is hungry, dog eats... if human-person is not there to feed in that moment, dog will find something to eat. Dog smells that bitch, dog mounts her. Dog life is simple. No worry.

Humans worry, but more enlightened humans can acknowledge the worry, keep it in check with the rest of his/her awareness... and accept that worrying is no excuse for not living.

So, what does that have to do with what I want?

Because I’m learning that all humans want something. And humans want all the time.

Wait, is that horseradish I smell? Ooh, I want some!

I want to eat. I want to taste horseradish on rare prime rib. I want to fuck that girl who keeps texting me pictures of her tits. I want to make her gush like a fountain.

Okay, variation on the theme. Yet, that is a step in the right direction. Goals.

So, instead of wanting to drive a nice car, it’s better to want that Lamborghini. Instead of wanting an office job with “upward mobility,” it’s better to want to be the CEO of an innovative startup that builds an app enabling runners to participate in virtual marathons from wherever they may reside. Instead of wanting to live in the mountains, it’s better to want to build that double-A-frame cabin in Northcentral Wyoming that is self-sustaining and isolated.

Deciding what you want enables you to figure out how to get there. Then, of course, figuring it out is a double-edged sword. Instruction is not equal to execution. This touches on possibly my second biggest obstacle. Apply what you’ve learned to go after what you want.

Learning is not enough, but more on that later.

No more bullshit. Figure out what you want and make a plan on getting there AND EXECUTE. Get what you want.

What do you want? What do I want?

What i'm listening to:

Hangin‘ Around
The Edgar Winter Group
They Only Come Out at Night