I have been avoiding writing. The reasons for this are multi-faceted, but below the surface there are mere excuses. It's amusing that I'm making excuses for not writing, because I've discovered how to NOT make excuses for other areas in my life.

So, here we go. I'll begin again by writing about my excuses for not writing... get them out there so they can go away.

I have one lingering project that keeps me from receiving my diploma. Only one. However, it is a 20-page paper... one that must be interesting, unique, and not merely a regurgitation of someone else's research. No manipulations of other people's interpretations, but my own interpretations of primary source material.

I don't really care what other people think anymore, but I find that I still judge myself pretty harshly. In my own self-judging, I was afraid of being hypocritical. If I'm not writing my capstone paper, what business do I have blogging? Or column writing?

While I still consider that a valid argument, it doesn't provide incentive to get it done... only gives more power to my fear of writing. So, today I'm deciding to write through it. Whatever it takes. I used to enjoy writing... even if I'm not very good at it. Besides, I have a friend who leads a local writing workshop and she continuously reminds me that it is through writing where it gets better.

I keep hearing it from my instructor as well. In fact, she lectured me yesterday about letting go of my fear of being imperfect and reminded me that rough drafts are rarely perfect... and usually pretty terrible. Edit, edit, edit.

One perfect draft... even one acceptable draft, is unlikely.

Then there is the blank page. Looking at a blank page on a computer is pretty scary. That desire to write the perfect words is so strong, yet again, so unlikely. I need to just write. Even if what I'm writing largely sucks, much like this blog entry.

Somewhere along the line, I've lost the value of practice and experimentation. I need to embrace that and apply it to writing. After all, when I think about those things that I'm really, really good at... it didn't freakishly happen the first time out.

Anyway, I'm brimming with ideas I think would be fun to write about... My capstone is about gender and racial portrayals in the early days of advertising; I have a column idea explaining why I cannot break up with Facebook; and I sooo much has happened in my life since that zOMG moment I still need to share. It's time to get it out there!

What i'm listening to:

Off the Wall
Michael Jackson
Off the Wall