Up and down. Up and down. Up and down.

I am so ready for this to end! I'm not sure how that can happen though. I still love her, and i feel like i always will. I still don't know why she felt she had to end it, and i probably never will.

I don't know what turned her love into hate.

If she ended it so she could pursue an affair... well, that hurts, but it doesn't change the fact that i love her.

And for some reason, i still feel that doesn't change the fact that she loves me.

I still think that it is her love for me that is preventing her from wanting to contact me... guilt, and not knowing exactly how she feels for all parties involved.

Here i am, the hopeless romantic... months ago, the emphasis would have been on romantic, but perhaps now the emphasis should be on hopeless... i keep thinking that all i need to do is find someway to sweep her off her feet, as i have done in the past. I just need to show her how devoted i am to making this work and making her happy.

I have been trying to keep my mind off of her. Really, i have! I just somehow keep coming back to her. It is worst when i wake up in the morning.

She just had this special way of waking me up in the morning. Mornings really were awesome for us...

Then i think of how cute she is when she is concentrating on something, our little yes/no arguments that more often than not led to unbridled passion, how beautiful she looked just at that moment.

What i had with her, i'm not certain i want with anyone else. Perhaps that is where my greatest problem lies.

If only i knew how and why she could fall out of love with me... or even if...

What did i do to deserve this? Will i ever believe in love again? How can she not be feeling the same feelings?

What i'm listening to:

If You Leave Me Now
Chicago
Chicago X