Everything in my life is derailed. So, the question now is this: How do I get back on track?

I'm burned out. I suppose I should have seen this coming with all of my extra-curricular activities... but I really did enjoy having something going all the time.

A couple of years ago, I made the decision to become a history major. It seemed like a logical decision... since I just eat up anything history related. However, I think I'm more of a history hobbyist. A dilettante, if you will. I enjoy reading about something and thinking, "Wow, I didn't know that." Then I enjoy doing some more quick research and knowing just a bit more about the subject, then moving on.

I guess I never gave much thought to becoming a "historian." Being a historian requires a LOT of work. There's a lot of book finding, reading, analyzing, and then there's a lot of writing.

Then there's attributing credit to sources, and editing, and more reading, more sources, more writing... and it all takes so much time.

Enough time, in fact, that I find I don't have time for much else.

Which is bad... and the source of my burnout. I can feel the depression lurking below the surface. I miss socializing, I miss the ladies. Plus, the longer I go without using my new social skills, the further below the surface they'll sink.

So, this week has been a week "off." I need to work towards that harmonious balance of eating, sleeping, working, exercising and recreation. True, that balance may not actually exist, but if I quit striving to find it I'm going to lose everything I've worked for since the "before time."

And I've been experiencing these headaches. They aren't migraines, in fact, they aren't even particularly painful... it's more of a numbing sensation. I'm certain it's stress-related... a result of trying to do too much.

Additionally, I'm having a hard time maintaining state... hence my depression fears. Of course, I'm sure that's all from the stress I've been putting on myself too.

So, what's next? How do I re-organize an already full schedule to insure I have time to do everything? I suppose the logical first step is to make a list of what I need to do, prioritize it, estimate how long it will take to complete each activity, set reasonable goals and deadlines.

And stick with it. No one thing is so important that everything else can fall away... that's the prize I need to keep an eye on.

You know what, I feel better already! Sometimes, you just need to write things out to figure out the next plan, or to get through a mental block. Hmm... that's a valuable note in itself... since there are plenty of mental blocks I seem to set up for myself.

Back to reframing... it's not that I can't do it, it's what do I need to do to make it possible?

Finally, I'm starting to have the "snow" dreams. I can't wait! =^)

What i'm listening to:

Whip-Smart
Liz Phair
Whip-Smart