Well, congratulate me... finals are done!

I actually think i did well, which is amazing considering the things that have been going on in my life.

And what i have been putting my mind through.

Anyway, i had a pleasant surprise... a major surprise... when i turned on my computer after the final. Let's just say there was an email waiting for me.

Now i'm conflicted.

People who know me know that i don't lie. That's not to say i cannot, but it is mostly to say i will not.

I have been known to exaggerate, to omit, to err... and i am fantastic at keeping secrets and surprising people. However, when i am asked a question outright, i will either tell you or reserve the right to say nothing at all. Of course, the latter can often be the same as an admission of guilt.

Yesterday, i lied. Whether that means i crossed a line i never would have crossed, i don't know... but i was walking down a hallway and someone asked how i was doing.

Until yesterday, i've been brutally honest. I've said i was lousy. Life sucks. Terrible. Miserable.

I suppose i just got tired of saying i'm lousy. Sometimes i was able to say it with a smile that suggests they don't want to know, sometimes it led to an involved discussion.

Of course, yesterday, my response was ok.

I have been working things out, so maybe i'm starting to try to convince myself i'm ok.

That may not have been my biggest transgression.

You see, i have missed C. A lot! In my last email i said some things. At the time, i believe everything was true. I was having a good day, and i said that i was strong enough to go on without her.

I said i don't want to get back together.

Mostly it was a letter about friendship. I've been feeling that i miss her as a friend more than as a lover... and to some degree, truer words were never said.

And that day... a sunny and warm day when i was feeling strong... i probably felt ready to move on. Today, not so much.

Anyway, she surprised me with an email today. I can take some comfort in her words. She's not bitter as i feared. She hasn't moved on yet. She still seems to be the girl i became hopelessly devoted to.

The girl who seems to be making me certifiable.

The girl who has me asking the question, at least to myself: Do i want to get back together?

I don't know if i know how to not be in love with her.

Overall, a good day... but there are new questions for me to ponder.

What i'm listening to:

Turn to Stone
Electric Light Orchestra
Out of the Blue