So, i've been thinking a little bit about what i consider my biggest character flaw.

I'm wondering if being aware of it is truly making a difference. There are days when i think it is... others when i'm not so sure.

Does someone who isn't at all narcissistic even exist? What kind of person would someone be if they weren't the least bit self-involved? Would he or she be successful? Would he or she even be able to survive without putting him/herself first?

I know i've spent way too much time thinking about this. However, last night i was accused by T of not being very nice. As the resulting argument ensued, it appears as though her self-indulgences took precedence over mine... at least in her mind. Of course, i was looking out for myself... so we clashed.

Oddly, i don't think i was in the wrong here. I will say that i respect her attitudes and priorities... but i would have to ask that she respect mine as well.

I'm more than happy to be her friend... and to that extent i'll do anything for her. What i will NOT do, however, is become her punching bag. So, i guess we'll see how things go...

I've been thinking about getting back behind my camera. It has been several years since i've taken any pictures... and even longer since i've been excited about it. I know part of the problem is my impatience... i'm still shooting film, and by the time i get the film developed, i don't even know what i was thinking when i was shooting anymore.

Last night, i met someone who used to work as a model. She's interested in updating her portfolio, which would allow me to finally update mine. I get less excited about shooting in the winter... at least sans snow. But i have some fabulous ideas involving my cute li'l house that i'll have to run by her.

Which gives me yet another reason to get the house in order. Exams are finished Thursday, so i'll finally be out of excuses. =^)

Anyway, i'm supposed to meet "O" on Wednesday so we can show each other our portfolios. It should be fun!

And she seemed to think i was being nice. =^)

Meeting O relieved some of the guilt i was feeling. There's this young lady i met at the rec center a while back... who i've really enjoyed getting to know. Anyway, last night she showed up for her workout as i was putting on my jacket to get ready to leave. As badly as i wanted to stick around and ask how her studying is going and about her plans for the break and so on... the "player" in me told me to leave.

Personally, i hate these games. It's unreal that by showing "too much" interest i'd actually push her away. The women i've dated in the past have always eaten up the attention.

But, they've always left too... so i suppose there's more than coincidence there.

What i'm listening to:

Red Water (Christmas Mourning)
Type O Negative
October Rust