It's hard to explain the waves of thoughts going through my mind right now. I've had so much going on at one time for so long that I'm starting feel the burn.

And it's not good. Here I sit with this nagging urge to graze. I generally don't overeat... in fact it's pretty rare.

I know why I'm "grazing," but I'm not sure what I'm going to have to do to re-balance my act.

I need to act. I need to find a way out of my inaction... out of my stupor. My ambitiousness is so high, so motivated when I'm not at work, but as soon as I walk through the door it is like my will to live is just sucked right out.

And I'm not sure that consuming sugar in the form of Zingers is a good plan, but I'm doing it anyway. Bleah!

Last night, I was watching television, and on the program I was viewing, one of the characters was giving her valedictorian speech. One thing she said jumped out at me... that opportunity is rare.

Is it?

I don't think that opportunity is rare. I do think that it is sometimes elusive, but I think that for anyone who is up to the challenge, opportunities are everywhere. Most people just don't know how to recognize them.

Luck can be attributed to a lot, but personally I think luck is given too much credit. If anything, luck is a catalyst (in either a good or bad way) that inspires one to think differently. Circumstances and coincidences challenge someone to rise up and overcome... and ultimately achieve his or her dream.

Or, they challenge someone to lie down and give up.

Which challenge would you take? Really?

I posted a while back about how people are so afraid of "failure" that they are actually afraid to succeed. It's uncanny the way most people are so afraid to fail that they embrace failure.

I know. We can smell our own! I'm just working on having the faith to take the necessary leap and start reaching for my dreams.

It's time to wake up. It's time to reach again. It's time to escape.

What i'm listening to:

Temptation
Corina
Corina

Today, I had a nice surprise. I'm underneath my car working on the transaxle when my cell phone starts playing spy music. The Golgo 13 theme to be exact. Anyway, that can only mean one person is calling me.

I haven't heard from "T" in a looong time. She was wondering if I'd be interested in meeting her at the golf course. Of course, I was under the car busy adding a layer of grease to my hands... but had nothing going on afterwards, which seems to be rare these days.

But I don't golf. She knew that... she wanted me to drive the golf cart, and be her caddy. Since I've seen both Goldfinger and Caddyshack, I figured I could handle that. Besides, with her anything is possible!

Turns out, she's been away for a couple of months... finally got rid of her psycho boyfriend, and managed to pick up another one. She also mentioned hanging out at the nursing home... there is a relationship there, but I didn't even want/care to know.

I didn't talk too much... about me anyway. I told her about my recent trips to Oregon and Wyoming. I told her about the party I was at where I got hit on by a couple of people who play for the other team... which wasn't cool.

She asked if I had a girlfriend. So, I told her I had eight. ;^)

Then I told her that she could probably be girl number five, 'cos I don't really like the other three... she asked if she could be number one.

After going back and forth a bit, I conceded at number three. Then she shanked her shot and changed the subject.

Since I opted not to bring it up again... this is a girl that I know wants me, so I'll just let her work on that. I have got to play it cooler than I have in the past.

Besides, I think she's fun, but she is a little too psycho for me. So, I'm happy she has been dating, but I'm not going to pass up the opportunity when she asks me to join her in the bushes.

At least I was on my game... which is awesome, because I definitely wasn't when I was wandering the mall this afternoon. She was laughing at me, occasionally I would say something that would make her shoot me the "You didn't just..." look, she was smacking my ass, running her hands down my chest, touching my leg.

It was all good. When we parted, she said she'd call. We'll see, either way, I'm happy! =^)

What i'm listening to:

Shut Up and Drive
Rihanna
Good Girl Gone Bad

The events of the last few days has made me wonder about people. What makes people do what they do?

I know psychologists and sociologists have been trying to figure this out for generations, but are we any closer to an answer?

Of course, to think about animals, one realizes that they act merely on instinct. The don't really think, at least not like humans. They aren't consciously aware of the souls of other animals.

So, in this sense animals aren't really evil. Even though a cat will toy with a terrified mouse, it's not really evil. At least not consciously. It is focused, with no concern for how the mouse feels. Only that it will kill and probably eat the mouse.

People, on the other hand, are conscious of everything they do.

Which is why I'm deeply troubled about the abduction and murder of the recent high school graduate in Kansas City. Another bright light snuffed out for no good reason at all. So much potential lost.

So, I find myself spending more resources than I probably should trying to rationalize what happened. Trying to figure out why anyone would do this to someone else. What makes a guy like the one who did this? Was he abused as a child? Merely neglected? Were there no warning signs? Did he have any friends? Or did he have trouble getting dates?

Did this young lady turn him down at some point? Or did he just randomly choose her? Did they know each other?

If someone is not "socially educated" enough to actively meet people (read "girls") and make friends and find dates, etc. there is always something one can change about himself. One fundamental flaw of people is that they rarely see that they can change themselves... and think that society must change.

Now, that doesn't explain this character... but it may scratch the surface. However, now he has done something he will carry with him for the rest of his life. He changed himself, and not for the better. He gave up and rather than make a decision to change for the better, he ended someone else's life and forever changed the direction of her family's and friends' lives.

This also makes me think of the story from a month or two ago about the grade school child who was suspended from school for killing a mother duck and her ducklings that the school had adopted. He did it becase he "felt like it."

Again, what creates a person like this? Granted there are somethings I've done because I "felt like it," and some of them are probably considered sinful, but no life was taken, no one was hurt, no property was taken.

Yes, there are things that I want. But there are rules, and personally, I enjoy the challenge of acquiring the things that I want by playing by the rules. That is part of what fascinates me about the law, and has me working towards law school. Will what I learn in school help me as I establish my own business, make new friends and socialize and date beautiful women? Yes.

And what I don't learn from teachers in school, I can learn by reading books, attending seminars, listening to interviews and audiobooks, etc. A feeding of the mind, if you will.

While I'm on the topic of rules, I'm going to touch on the Paris Hilton thing for a moment.

Ok, most of my friends think I'm insane, because I have a thing for Ms. Hilton. I'm not sure what it is about her, but I'm drawn to her.

Setting that aside, I do feel sorry for her because she's being jerked around. No, not by the legal system... she did the crime, she should do the time.

However, the sheriff should not have let her go into home arrest. Especially in an unnecessarily overpublicized case like this. It makes the entire system look bad, and it draws more attention to the circus than it deserves.

The sheriff defied the judge presiding the case, and some sort of pennance should be handed down for that. In the meantime, Paris, who is innocent of what has happened since turning herself in to do the time (except maybe for wanting to go home, but who in jail doesn't want to go home?). Stripped from her "celeb power," someone made the decision she's to stay in jail, making an explicit order that she will not do house arrest. Someone else, whether through pity or a legitimate excuse, allows her to leave after she's settled in and probably doing fine... with more conveniences than you or I would have in jail. Even if there was a legitimate excuse, the paperwork should have gone through the proper channels BEFORE she's allowed to go home.

So, of course, the media circus is all revved up talking about "celebrity privilege" and "celebrity justice" and making a mockery of the entire system... including the judge who did the right thing (and had to do the right thing again) and Ms. Hilton who also did the right thing (although she should keep her mouth shut instead of playing the sympathy card... did she really learn anything about why what she did is wrong?).

And this is the world we live in today. Is it any wonder I rarely read the newspaper or watch television? I think I'm much happier in my "mindfeed" materials than in current events. MUCH happier!

The Internet will truly be powerful when they figure out how to add smell.

Seriously though, as awesome and vast (and occasionally vacuous) as the Internet is, there are still some limitation.

For instance, do you know where to go to find a sound bite of the muffled trombone used for the teacher's voice in Charlie Brown's classroom?

Or the sound used when Samantha twitched her nose?

Or can you find out the identity of the smokin' brunette on the Huey Lewis video for "Stuck With You"? Who is she? Did she have a career other than this lone appearance?

It has made many strides in its short existence however. I remember when it was virtually impossible to find a particular image. It used to be much more challenging to find out who sang a particular song, or even learn the name of it based on a lyric.

Now, there is such an abundance of lyric sites, it's easiest to just google the lyric... even if you get it wrong, one of the lyric sites probably has it mis-entered, since everything is user-contributed anyway.

Hell, you can even look up old girlfriends online... unlisted or otherwise!

I have to wonder if we'll ever see the Internet of Johnny Mnemonic's world, complete with gloves and "eye phones."

It is exciting to be a part of the "information age," isn't it? ;^)

What i'm listening to:

Rhythm Nation
Janet Jackson
Rhythm Nation 1814

It's on.

It's so on.

There's no time like the present!

I've survived another weekend. Prior to Friday's play, I met up with a friend at a sports bar, and had my ass handed to me in a game of Disney's Magic Tetris. For what it's worth, I'd never played the game before, nor played head-to-head Tetris... and the strategies are a wee bit different.

When the pieces changed into shapes I wasn't expecting, well, that was the beginning of the end for me. I did have fun though.

I miss Super Mario Kart battle mode though. =^\

My "date" didn't show up for the play at all... so in my efforts to prevent an empty seat at a sold out show, it ended up empty after all.

The performance was awesome, however... and the highlight of the evening.

The after party... well, these days it takes a LOT to make me uncomfortable. After sharing an umbrella with a lovely young lady transplanted from New York it all went downhill.

Too bad really, she's very cute!

Saturday's party was much more to my liking. Good people, good food, good conversation.

Yesterday, I attended a wine tasting, which was something I'd never done before. At least not one where we actually filled out cards and ranked wines. All in all, not a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon!

Of course, if you really know me at all, you know that I didn't party all weekend. Not even close! Most of the weekend was spent planning and reading... plotting my next few steps.

Because it is time to take them.

Bring it.

What i'm listening to:

It's a Sin
Pet Shop Boys
Actually

Ok, so I had made plans to go see a play with D tonight... taking the initiative and thinking that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't "flake out" on me.

Something that just reaffirms my notions that I've played the game with that girl way too many times. Perhaps, it is time to move on. Perhaps... but that is a topic for another post.

Anyway, Wednesday night, I came up with this brilliant idea to share the ticket with someone from my theatre class. At least, I thought it was brilliant. I imagined being in front of the class, which is about 70% female, and offering these tickets, and telling anyone who's interested to approach me during the class break.

Before I even finished speaking, some guy in the back shot his hand in the air. Then, before I could mention that I wanted to talk to people during the break, the teacher acknowledged him and suggested we move on with business.

So, some guy ends up with D's ticket. I can live with that... although I can't think of a reason to take him to the party afterwards. Too bad.

During the break, he comes over for the ticket. I tell him the performance is at 8pm on Friday (tonight). Here's the kicker. He has to work at 9pm. So, he says he'll clear it with his boss to be an hour or so late. Since I'd already given him the ticket, I didn't take it back.

I had hoped that D's ticket would have gone to someone who would actually see the whole show. It is an awesome show!

But this guy has the audacity to not offer it up to someone else who might be interested in seeing the whole show, but to tell me that he's just going to catch the first forty minutes.

Wait, it gets better.

His work schedule requires him to work 48-hour shifts through every weekend of the class. So, he arranged it with our instructor to use this live performance for his report... but he's not even going to see the whole thing.

So, he said I'll have to "fill him in" on the second act.

Excuse me? I'm scarcely nice enough to give a ticket away. I gave it away because I didn't want the seat to be empty because it is such a fabulous show and it's sold out. Now, not only is it going to be empty for more than half of the show, but I'm supposed to help this guy with his homework because he can't manage his time?

What an ass! Excusable cuss word because it's part of the body.

So, now my question is this. What happened to people with integrity? I can appreciate someone being narcissistic, because I share a LOT of those tendencies. However, this may just be providing me a look in the mirror. Or, perhaps I'm not as narcissistic as I believed.

Or am I just naive?

Oh well, at least I've learned from my mistake. If I happen upon another seat and I offer it up, I will only give away the ticket to someone who will commit to the entire show.

And I don't believe in helping people with their homework who won't help themselves. I wonder what kind of grade he'll get with a paper based on less than half the play?

What an ass! Some people's children, I swear!

Thus endeth my rant. Now I can focus my energies on something more important. Like the party I'm going to crash after the show... ;^)

Otherwise, last night was really fun. My favorite (now ex-)Hooters girl invited me to her next party, and I met a lot of really great girls last night at the Hooters swimsuit competition!

I love stories that are in the process of being written! =^)