Once upon a time, I was the sort of person who kept a tidy house. Meticulously so.

At the time, I didn't have much in the way of furniture, so it would appear to the casual passer-by that the place was vacant... and ready to let.

Something happened though. At the time, I was an apartment dweller in Phoenix, Arizona. I had a roommate, who was a nice enough fellow, but required someone to constantly follow him around cleaning up after him. He would cook a potato in the microwave every night for supper, then to clean up he would rinse off the plate and fork and put them away.

Needless to say, his dishes and utensils did not co-habitate with mine. Oddly, I'm not a huge germ-o-phobe... but when I saw him do this, I was grossed out. Of course, he did inform me that if I didn't like it I could do his dishes for him.

Nah, it was easier for me to just put my stuff in a different place. Besides, this way I always knew where the roaches were.

Somewhere along the line since then, I began to acquire stuff. One could say that I was transformed into one of those guys who always gets what he wants.

It is true what they say. You cannot always get what you want. All that does is make you want more. Eventually I got to a point where I wanted something, and I would get it. If it was just beyond my reach, or was just something I couldn't get... it wasn't that important and I developed a sense of apathy about things I couldn't get.

I don't really want it/need it. I guess.

And that may just be the root of my problem. I have let apathy replace the passion... I've learned to settle for what I can get. How else can I continue to claim that I always get what I want?

However, what's wrong with setting goals that aren't quite so... comfortable... and taking a chance... and forcing myself to strive to keep getting what I want? Nothing's wrong with it... but how do I motivate myself to go for it?

Anyway, I'm still somewhat of a pack rat. Back in the day when I kept a tidy house, I also did my own cooking every night, followed by the dishes. I ate out rarely. So, it was important to always have groceries.

I still keep a house stocked full of groceries. Friends and family always comment on how I'll never starve... but I really don't cook at home very much anymore. So I have these cans, jars and boxes of food in my cupboards. Some have been there for a long time.

Ok, so I've figured out that it was time to toss the stuff in boxes... noodles may keep, but the flavored powders do not. Cereal certainly does not. What I question is the stuff in jars and cans. I can remember there was a time when canned foods would last generations. I still remember a jar of apple jelly that had been canned twenty years before I was born as being quite tasty!

However, there has got to be a reason they are putting dates on those now, doesn't there? My guess is, it's the chemicals they use instead of sugar, plus any "preservatives" that just chemically break down over time.

So, I've been re-stocking groceries in my house... but I'm not going as crazy as before. I'm learning to accept that I'm just not home cooking as much as I used to... but on the flip side, I've been staying home and cooking more meals to keep them rotating and to ease my food budget for a piece.

I tend to buy quite a bit of junk food though... which I'm not willing to throw out, yet I won't eat in large doses either. I have a drawer that is full of Cherry Ripes and Curly Wurlys, and they are well past the date. Today, I decided to try one of the Cherry Ripe bars... it isn't great, but it isn't bad.

Am I the only one who'll do this?

I also tend to horde Girl Scout cookies... occasionally running out about the time the scouts start selling again. As long as the package isn't open, I haven't had a stale cookie yet! Must be those real girl scouts inside! =^P

Anyway, my house project (for the time being, at least) is to ensure that I won't starve... because stale food is just bleah!

What i'm listening to:

Stacy's Mom
Fountains of Wayne
Welcome Interstate Managers

I want to try something new.

Very new.

It's not that life in the midwest isn't satisfying. Well, maybe it is... partially, at least.

Anyway, I'm starting to get this urge to try someplace different. I don't know... Los Angeles, Phoenix, Denver, Atlanta, New York, Chicago... someplace big.

While it is true, I've always been a fan of living in a small town, the new and improved socialized me is craving the opportunity to go someplace huge. Somewhere where so many people live you enjoy a certain sense of anonymity.

Life is what you make it, right? The key is you actually have to "make" it. If you just sit, it just passes you right by.

So, I'm a little frustrated about my history projects. You see, right now I'm taking a class that serves as a prep for my dissertation that is a requirement for history majors. While I did pick what I thought was interesting... I'm finding it is becoming a source of frustration.

To make it worse, I'm taking another history class that requires a paper. Oddly, I'm really truly fascinated with the topic of that paper. I'm finding nuggets in my research, I'm enjoying reading the materials, and I'm eager to work on this paper. You could say it ignited a passion in me.

Which is what the dissertation should have done. That, my friends, is the crux of my problem. Is it too late to drop everything on the paper I've worked on for a good portion of the last eight weeks? Is that even a wise move?

Can the passion for the new subject provide what it will take to do eight weeks worth of work in four? Furthermore, would it be acceptable to turn in two similar papers on identical subjects to different classes? Would that be perceived as efficient... or just lazy?

I really want to take a break from school... but I want to get through it too. I wish I could figure life out, but right now I just don't have enough hours in the day to do what I want and need to do. My past choices, both career and school choices, are beginning to haunt me... which cannot be a good thing.

The second we begin to regret a choice, isn't that the sign that it's time to fix it? I can still, but it's going to require some guts, a lot of determination, and quite possibly a bit of sacrifice and hardship.

Can I overcome the fear of the unknown to make the choice I want to make?

What i'm listening to:

Don't Cry
Guns n' Roses
Use Your Illusion I

Ok, allow me to wax on for a moment about the current writers' strike.

On one hand, I totally agree with the writers. They should get a piece of the proceeds from DVD and internet broadcasting, just as they do for what goes over the television signal. In fact, I had no idea that they weren't getting residuals from those mediums.

After working for years at a job in which I'm constantly having to create new things for new technologies... yet my compensation never changes... well, I'm pulling for these guys. Not that it will ever affect my job, but that's ok... if my job doesn't improve, then I know my exit strategy is the right choice to make. =^D

However, understanding how business works... at least from my company's viewpoint... there is no longer an acceptable adjustment to the cost of doing business. Sure, the industry will probably have to start paying writers' residuals on the internet and DVD monies, but they won't absorb any of it. They'll simply pass it on to the consumer.

What will this mean for DVD box set prices? How much higher will they go? Double? I suppose that will depend. DVD producers won't have the option they have employed in battles with the RIAA in which they just exclude popular music for that of the "royalty-free" variety. The writing is the lifeblood of the show.

While it should be compensated, I'm not sure I'm willing to pay too much more for what I consider to be overpriced box sets to begin with.

Then there is the internet... which distributes the shows a couple of different ways. Take The Office for example: NBC.com offers the episodes for free on their website, but you get to sit through the commercials. Now the advertisers pay for that "airtime," but unlike over-air broadcast shows, the writers, actors and crew don't get any of that money. When a show is in reruns, there are royalties tied to those re-airings that everyone gets.

Then, there are shows like Lost (which I don't watch), which are not rerun at all... if you miss it, you can only catch it on the internet. Then the people who show up for work everyday to bring that to you get left out of their royalties while the suits still get their cut.

Now, that's wrong... period. Plain and simple. Perhaps, that is the crux of the problem... how do you pass along the cost to the consumer when they are downloading the episodes for free? Can you get away with inserting even more ads? Interesting problem... for the execs. Either way, the workers should get paid.

I think Jenna Fischer's MySpace blog explains it pretty well (it's also the source of my information above). Apparently the free internet distribution issue is understandably the biggest problem.

Then, there is the iTunes model, where consumers can purchase a commercial free episode/season of their favorite show for downloading to their computer/iPod/whatever. Again, the consumer pays, so it wouldn't be a problem to pass that money on to the consumer.

I totally believe these writers, actors, directors, &c. should get something for their efforts. The world is changing and the industry needs to see that. Even if the consumer, who's oppressed by rampant gasoline, energy and grocery prices, can no longer afford to purchase DVDs or support sponsors of broadcast and internet programming.

Wow... total downer. I support the cause, but I also feel for the consumer who will ultimately pay for this strike in gouged eyes from avoiding reality television.

Somedays, the industry just sucks. No wonder I don't watch much TV anymore.

What i'm listening to:

Women
Def Leppard
Hysteria

This weekend I was reminded of a story I heard this summer in an interview. The fellow in the story happened to be in Buenos Aires, and decided to go into a dance studio. After all, in the Tango capital of the world, what better place to learn?

He continues by stating that his dance partner was one of the instructors, a fine latina woman. When the class instructor ordered him to grab her, he did. Well, she complained that American men don't grab women like they really mean it. He wasn't aggressive enough.

Well, I had the same lesson in dance on Friday night. My partner and I were getting our signals confused, so our instructor had me lead her through the routine.

She said that I need to be more aggressive. She could tell what I could do, but I need to make my signals clearer. In dance, the man leads... and must learn to lead.

It never fails to astonish me how much this is coming up from day to day. Am I learning anything yet?

Sometimes I wonder. I can't believe how long it takes to unlearn everything that's been drilled into me since birth. I can only hope it doesn't take as many years as it did to learn it!

I have a friend who used to talk about people and that Atkins' diet craze. He was boggled because people always look for the quick weight loss solution. His argument was that it took them months/years/decades to get as fat as they are... and they expect all of that fat to just melt in days/weeks/months? Plus, they have all of those bad habits to unlearn as well.

So, anyway... I've had this cheer stuck in my head all weekend. To be honest, I haven't tried to fight it... it makes a good mantra! =^)

Otherwise, it was a pretty uneventful weekend. I drew up a new budget for the rest of the year, re-outlined some goals to work on in that timeframe, built a list of the remaining requirements for my courses, and managed to get some reading and writing done for my classes.

Finally, last night I grabbed a bottle of water, my script and my nano and hit the gym. It felt good to actually get a workout in for a change. I'll have to make sure I fit time in for that over the next few days/weeks/months.

Besides, I had almost forgotten about the cuties at the gym... and now in lieu of clubbing, that may be the place to meet women!

Last night, there was a cute li'l brunette... we'll have to see how that goes!

What i'm listening to:

The Way I Are
Timbaland
Shock Value

Quote of the day:

The clocks gave me an extra hour of sleep. The clocks are therefore awesome and can stay.

As I prepare to crack open the last soda I brought back from Nevada this summer, I have to ask: Why is TaB so hard to find?

I still remember when TaB was hugely popular, you could even get it in 2-liter bottles and find it in Coke machines.

However, I guess when diet Coke really took a hold in the late eighties, people preferred it. I don't know if people liked the way it tasted better, if they followed the brand they could trust, or if it had anything to do with the infamous saccharin studies.

In case you are unaware, those studies charged that saccharin caused cancer in laboratory animals. What they didn't tell you was that the dose of saccharin they were administering to those rats would have killed anything. Kind of follows that old adage that too much of anything is bad.

I also seem to remember that when Nutra-Sweet burst onto the scene as a replacement for that evil saccharin, all the sodas jumped right away... with the exceptions of TaB and the diet Shasta sodas. I think the grocery/generic brands also took their time making the switch.

Looking at the side of the TaB can on my desk, they did eventually change their formula at some point, for it now has a mix of saccharin and aspartame.

All I know is it's tasty. And, once that last can is gone, I won't be getting any for a while.

So, does TaB have a fan following? Is it enough to get a midwest bottler to start distributing it again? Do former fans of TaB even remember it?

Clearly, TaB does have a following... because a few fans have a long standing website at iLoveTaB.com, which is your basic stalker site... only their stalking appearances of a canned beverage insted of some celebutante.

All I know is I'd love to find some regular supply of TaB. Perhaps I should ask my baby sister in Portland to bring me a six-pack next time she travels this way. She'll probably think I'm crazy, but you never know 'til you ask!

What i'm listening to:

Idiot
Lisa Marie Presley
Now What

It's funny how each and every time I talk to my father on the phone, he brings up... sometimes subtly, sometimes not so much... that I need a new car.

We really don't talk that often, so I would hope we could have one conversation without it coming up.

Sure, there are plenty of cars I wouldn't mind having. The Pontiac Solstice is rather sexy! Then, there's the Chrysler Crossfires, the VW Jettas... both of which hold a bit of my desire.

However, just because he has maintained a car payment for the entirety of his adult life... that doesn't mean I'm about to. I've managed to go my entire adult life without one, and personally, I'd like to keep it that way. Why does having a nice car and a hefty car loan symbolize "status" to these people?

At this point in my life, now is not the time to invest in a depreciating asset like an automobile. No matter how "hot" it is. I'd much rather invest in something like a rental house...

Besides, I've been rather fortunate in always managing to have very reliable cars. Granted, older cars begin to require more maintenance... and this year was particularly hard on my pocketbook, but I'm finding that is the exception with my 17-year-old gem... not the rule.

Am I opposed to getting a car loan down the road? Not at all... but I'll only do it when I have enough passive income to cover the payment, and only after it is already covering the house payment and other bills.

Until then, I have no interest in getting upside down in a car loan.

But, can I tell him that? No. To my family making a real estate investment is too risky and too much work and goes against the so-called "rules" of being a good "employee."

Which is precisely why we don't converse often. One thing I've learned in the last year is that having people try to poison your well of dreams is unhealthy.

So true!

So, someday I'll get a new car. Hell, someday I'll probably treat myself to a Lotus!

Not today.

What i'm listening to:

Don't Stop Now
Emmy Rossum
Inside Out