Today, I’m okay.

I’m okay with continuing without her in my life. After all, what else really changes?

I read something terrifying today. Something I had written. About a prior breakup. And home ownership. About keeping “those bloody dreams at bay.”

Really? Really.

Reading it made me recall my mindset of that time. Work. Make money. Own a home.

Make my dad proud. Lawn mowing and all.

Today, I am no longer employable. I see too much. I see the flaws in the system. And I can’t fake it.

I need the dreams. I need to realize them. Make money.

My dad’s gone. My mom’s gone. My girl’s as good as gone. No one is coming to save me.

No one is coming to stop me, either.

Honestly, I don’t know what she’s thinking. She has a lot going on—all of which I’m fully aware of. She doesn’t believe. Everything is either black or white. There are no shades of grey. No path from there to here.

So, it is time. Time for me to go. To proceed with life. With or without her.

Will I be sad? Yes. For a while. A long while. Yet, I learned long ago we cannot make others do anything. If she doesn’t believe she can join me on this adventure, I cannot convince her.

Well, here we are.

Life. And silence. Enjoying the sunrise. Working on myself again. Kicking a li’l ass. Magnificence in the mundane. One breath at a time.

And with fewer distractions. For now, I don’t want anyone else. For now.

What i'm listening to:

Out the Window
Kehlani
Out the Window