I find I am caught somewhere between the fear of falling... and the desire to fall.

Recently, I met someone. Talking to her and getting to know her makes me want to be less mediocre. She makes me want to become extraordinary.

She makes me want to go after the life I’ve been craving.

Then the conflict descends...

If I’ve been craving a rich life—a life filled with options—then why have I not moved toward that goal?

Why do I apparently not want this for myself... for myself? Do I want it for the wrong reasons? Am I setting myself up to fail?

Then, I’m drawn into that internal battle. I’m not worthy because I want to grow for the attentions of a girl. Fake it ’til I make it? Perhaps.

Yet, if I don’t move towards the life I want all of the time—including in between crushes—I’m only destined to fail. Get the life first. The money will follow. The power will follow. The women will follow.

Yes, she is delightful. Yes, she is stunning. Yes, she is interested.

Yes, I must run with this. But my ambition must remain... with or without her.

I deserve no less.

What i'm listening to:

Don't Wanna Fall in Love
Jane Child
Jane Child

Tonight, as my mistress, Insomnia, settles into my bed, something has occurred to me.

Daytime is just a dress rehearsal. Anything... and I mean anything... worth knowin’ happens at night.

I’ve said that. I’ve believed that. Yet, I’ve never practiced that.

Girls make bad decisions at night. Girls hook up at night. Probably because of insomnia. Probably through a text message. Or a snap.

A-ha!

It is time to take advantage of the late night message. Who knows what might come of it?

Is she fantasizing about you?

Is she fantasizing about me?

Well, she did give me her phone number...

Only one way to find out.

What i'm listening to:

Bad Girl
Madonna
Erotica