I am talking to this girl. We’ve been talking since the end of September—so… two months now? Since the aftermath…

Yet, there are so many red flags. She is clearly not my girl.

Her life is mediocre, filled with obligations and responsibilities. There seems to be a desire to meet up, yet no real evidence we’ll ever be more than just pen-pals.

She is beautiful. And tall. And funny. And tall. And smart. And tall. And I can get lost in her eyes.

Unlike so many who came before… she’s close to my age. According to my best friend, that’s supposed to be an advantage.

At least she doesn’t have pets.

Yet, I still prefer the twenty-somethings.

Yes. They can be flaky. Often for no reason at all. But they’re also free. Free from responsibilities. Free from obligations.

Most don’t have children. Most don’t have “real” jobs. Most don’t have crushing debt.

Unless they’re students. It’s been a while since I’ve been really into a student.

Yet, these late thirty-somethings can also be flaky. Occasionally, with genuine reasons, yet they flake in the same way.

In this case, she agreed to meet up late Saturday night. Of course, she was obliged to take food to her kids immediately after work, but then she was mine.

Later, she mentions her mom USUALLY has the kids in bed before nine, which is why she made plans. Yet, on this night, her mom let the kids start a movie—late—and they’re 100% awake when she shows up… with the food.

Wait. If the kids are usually in bed, why are you taking them food?

Anyway, she stops looking at her messages, and apologizes the next day—around 11—for her kids deciding to stay up all night.

Okay, red flags:

• Her kids are running her life, of which she seems to have no control. Seems a lot of mothers are like that today (one reason I prefer ladies with no children).
• No courtesy message when it became apparent she wasn’t going to be able to leave her kids for a night out. That’s just rude. At least let someone who’s waiting for you know you’re bailing.
• She can’t leave her kids alone in this scary scary world for an evening. With her mom and grandparents in the house.
• And she makes you feel like a chump for simply liking her.

Has the aftermath of September pulled the rug out from under my standards? Not exactly. Because I enjoy talking to her, and because I have so few friends, I had relegated to friend-zoning her almost instantly.

Yet, she’s not even a good friend. Good friends are reliable.

In today’s panicked world, it’s difficult to stay true. It keeps getting harder to meet new people. Ejecting from life has taken so long it feels like fantasy now, and throwing everything out would make the most sense… if I didn’t need (at least some) cash.

2020 was the best year of my life. And sometime in August, I squandered everything. And in September, I fell in love, which ruined the remains.

Back to that familiar place. Stuck. In a muddy field filled with red flags. The ship is heading in the wrong direction, and I need to correct it. NOW.