Today, I discovered something I need to work on. Something that definitely salts my inner game, and something that taints my happiness.

I am still a spoiled, petulant child.

Let’s revisit the definition:

pet·u·lant adj 1.) peevish, annoyed by trifles, easily irritated and upset. 2.) moved to or showing sudden, impatient irritation, especially over some trifling annoyance.

Yes. This ties in with my previous post about finding that balance between shadow and ego. Ego’s control over the shadow is (at least) partially responsible for my outbursts.

I need to become unwavering. Unaffected. Unemotional. I don’t need to always get my way. And when I don’t, I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. When possible, I need to learn to accept when something is not a good fit, and walk away.

I don’t need validation. I need to be present, accepting, and walk away... without sharing with friends, co-workers, etc.

I have learned I have a certain... power. Or maybe it’s charisma. Anyway, my peers seem to look at me as a leader. I’m intelligent. I’m perceptive. I’m forward-thinking—especially when others around me do not seem to see the big picture.

However, being a forward-thinker is far above my pay grade. My world doesn’t need another Norma Rae.

I need to learn from Clarissa. Just chill. Let go. Do me. I need to follow Nathan’s example... be unhappy, but just roll with it. No unpleasant moment lasts forever. Use that charisma for good. Channel that energy into good things. Make people happy instead of fired up.

Owning this flaw is the first step. I don’t need to get my way. I need to let order descend into chaos...