So, I had this job interview over the weekend.

Sad to say, it reaffirmed several of my suspicions, as well as convinced me that an entirely different direction is in order.

You see, at my current job, what I do has undergone an evolution. It was a process by which I had to learn reactively what it would take to meet the client's needs. As problems arise, I again learn reactively how to deal with the problems.

After doing this for several months, I'm still being reactive. In fact, I don't know how to do this job in a proactive state.

Anyway, the position I was being interviewed for was a step up from what I am currently doing... complete with appealing benefits and a fabulous work environment.

But, I couldn't answer the questions I was being asked. It wasn't voluntary, I assure you... I simply wasn't capable of answering the questions. I didn't know the answers. It left me feeling like I'm no longer a boy, but not yet a man.

To further aggravate my mind, some flaws were pointed out in my previous projects. Now, I was never confident that flaws wouldn't appear... but that didn't make the pill any easier to swallow.

I'm merely a tiny fish in a vast ocean. I've been in way over my head, and I really don't know what I'm doing. I've never had sufficient training, and while I'd be willing to learn it, I'm remedial enough at what I do that I don't believe that I could be hired.

Why hire someone who needs to be trained when there are other candidates who know exactly what you need and how to answer your questions?

I'd always suspected as much... and while it would be neat and clean to pass the blame onto my employer for taking the cheap route, I need to assume the responsibility myself.

Besides, if the company really doesn't want to invest in someone who can do the job proactively... well, then one day they will get what they paid for.

Meanwhile, I need to take the responsibility for getting myself where I want to be. I've been unhappy with my j.o.b. long enough... and it has been several months since my position strayed from the purpose for which I was hired.

It is time. My future awaits... at least I know not to waste my time pursuing that position which I've no aptitude for, regardless of what "experience" I've acquired. It's all been smoke and mirrors.

What i'm listening to:

Take Me on the Floor
The Veronicas
Hook Me Up