A good man died today.

He was ready. He lived a good life, had few regrets, and was at peace.

What a way to go. We should all be so lucky.

I learned a lot from my best friend’s father over the last month. His mind was sharp until the end, and I am grateful for the time I was able to spend with him and get to know him. And I’m glad I got to tell him so just yesterday.

This week is filled with reminders that life is short. Too short... at least too short not to live it.

Yet, I feel I have stagnated. I need to stop it. Why do I stall? Does it matter why I stall? I just need to stop stalling. Stop overthinking about everything.

I still have this tendency NOT to dive right in. Like a lawyer, I have to know what to expect from all angles before I move forward... only to be surprised by the unexpected.

The unexpected takes me off guard and out of flow. I get frustrated, freak out, and freeze. And nothing happens.

We don’t really fail as long as we keep moving. We only truly fail when we let our failures paralyze us, rather than learning from the mistake, and realizing it’s no big deal.

It’s time to stop stopping. It’s okay to pause, but stop taking a prolonged break from action. Stop letting the depression set in. Stop spiraling downward.

Stop being stagnant.

Stop being overwhelmed by the stench of failure, and hold your nose and jump right back in.

Stop letting life pass you by.

Admittedly, I am not an avid sports fan.

I’ll root for the local team. And I enjoy attending sporting events and games. And it’s great getting caught up in the energy!

People watching... and that crowd!

While I’m not necessarily a fan, I get that fans LOVE their heroes. And when one is lost? Well, I understand that too.

There’s no denying Kobe’s passion and dedication for the sport... in fact, for life! It’s infectious!

Admittedly, I did not know much about him before this weekend, but I must admit I am inspired by his passion, his audacity, his “don’t quit” attitude!

So, I wanted to share in this space.

It’s a strange feeling when someone you don’t know, but feel an immense connection to, passes. It’s confusing because, even though they didn’t know it, they were a huge part of your life. They changed you and made you laugh and cry and cheer and are hugely associated with good times and general happiness. It’s normal and okay. @crepesofwrath

To feel affected by a death of someone you don’t know, is to realize that our reach, our impact, our energy extends beyond the circle we perceive to be our own. Be careful with words, love and accept. Share, inspire and live an authentic life. Life is fleeting and you are powerful. @michellemonaghan

I am not great with words, so parts of the above are shamelessly stolen—yet the intent in posting them is sincere. My heart goes out to Kobe’s family and friends and everyone who loved him.

This is a friendly reminder that you will only get a limited time on this earth. Today is a good day to do something great.

I am finding that I am not a man of integrity. I’d like to think this is something I can correct, but as they say, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

I’m currently dieting. I’m in my fourth round of my weight loss journey, and I find that holding myself accountable to my diet coach helps me to lose the weight I’d like to lose. The goal this round is 139.x... and I’m determined to get there even if I have to go beyond the twenty-one days of a “normal” round to get there.

Or am I?

I find that as I consume apples or oranges and water, that my weight throughout each morning continues to drop. So, as I fill out the accountability tracker, if I lose weight after I send the snapshot to my coach, I hedge the next day’s gains/losses.

For example, if I report my weight today as 146.7, but later today I weigh in at 146.2... I can use that tomorrow to show a loss.

Which I tend to do. Even if I weigh in at 149.5 tomorrow.

Do I lack integrity? Probably.

Do most people? Probably.

Does this make me a bad person? Probably.

Am I okay with this? Probably.

History has shown I do not have many scruples. For the last several months, I’ve been wearing a pullover jacket which I acquired from a seventeen-year-old girl. The year she died. I was twenty-three.

I don’t talk about the nature of our relationship. It’s really nobody’s business. Yet, I have this sweatshirt. I like it. I wear it.

I liked her.

It’s been hanging in my closet for years. Yet, sometime last fall, I picked it out and put it on. I’ve been wearing it ever since.

Yet, she’s not the one who haunts me.

Clarissa is.

Anyway, this month, I have been spending quite a bit of time with my ex-girlfriend’s father. Someone who I never thought I would spend any time with at all not long ago.

It’s amazing how perceptions change and cynicism passes. He’s a good man—I never doubted this. I, on the other hand, have never considered myself “good.”

Anyway, this man is dying. He’s a wealth of information... interesting information. And I find myself drawn to spending time with him. I bring him lunch, and we talk for hours. About nothing, really.

Okay, not nothing. I find I share many commonalities with him. Our affinity for old movies, and their soundtracks. I re-introduced him to grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. He’s re-introducing me to movies that defined the kind of man he is—and always has been.

He’s a man of integrity. He believes in the man who’s word is his bond. And that an oath is an oath.

After all, it should be. No one made you take the oath. If you take an oath, you should abide by it.

Yet, I’m amazed, that someone I always considered an anti-social curmudgeon is such a fascinating and social man... someone who has so much to teach in this short time he has left on this plane.

I don’t feel so guilty that I lack integrity. In fact, I have hope that I can still attain integrity. There are a few oaths I have taken in my lifetime, and time remains for me to see them through.

Perhaps I can be saved.