Who doesn't have them, seriously?

I'd love to say I don't, but no matter how good (or bad) things are going, the doubts keep creeping into my mind. The dreaded "What if?"

I've evolved into a person who no longer believes in that victim mentality which has infiltrated our society so deeply. Every day, when I read the news, there are people who've had this happen to them, or that happen to them. I'll even venture to say this behavior has gotten worse recently as the bailout mindset sinks in to society's psyche.

But, I'm not writing to criticize victims, or even perceived victims.

I'm writing about myself... the shameless narcissist. After all, there is never any sense in fretting about things outside of the realm of my control.

What's got me worried are the things that should be within my control, but for whatever reason I'm unwilling to do what is necessary to do them. I've been told I have too many things on my plate, so if I'd just focus on one thing at a time and see it through to the end, I'd eventually get everything taken care of.

They're right. They're right. I know they're right... but my desire and motivation are lacking. It is far too easy to lay on the sofa and watch reruns of Charlie's Angels all day than it is to actually do anything... no matter how minor that "thing" might be.

The driven college student of last spring seems like a distant memory.

I've not found a gym comparable to what the university offered, so I'm not motivated to work out... and lying on the sofa watching television equals snacking for me, just like it does for most of overweight America.

However, I've been seeing a couple of petite young ladies... one of whom has invited me to work out with her so we can keep each other motivated, but since she's still at the university, I'm not sure how that will work. They offer guest passes, but they are a bit cost-prohibitive!

Interestingly, one of the items on my perpetual to-do list is to write the president of the university and propose a plan allowing alumni to pay to use the gym at a cost that is competitive with area health clubs, which will provide much needed income in this economy, complete with a check-in/check-out system so they are able to track the student to alumni ratio and ensure that the students still come first, yet offer up the facility to the alumni. Of course, I think it is brilliant... but it's not a high priority.

Then there's a letter to a certain actress that still hasn't been written. I've learned a lot about women since the before time, so I know that my silence can only be interpreted in very bad ways.

My relationships with members of the fairer sex continue to blossom, but I still find myself falling into old habits and sabotaging said relationships before they get too far. Seriously, if a beautiful, fun-sized young lady is throwing herself into your arms and kissing you, and you don't scoop her up and take her home... something is definitely wrong. Identify it, own it, and handle it. Do not let her get away because you're a fucking moron! Again, what kind of signal does that send to her?

Then there's the 20-page project I alluded to last time. Turn off the phone and the television, stay home, drink plenty of water and energy drinks and GET IT DONE!

Yet, I find myself sitting at home, alone, and not doing anything... but sleeping too much, eating too much and watching too much television. All things I have complete control over, yet I'm letting those things "live" me right now. I need to stop. I need to take control. I need to read my own blog and decide that I live life... NOT the other way around.

Good talk. Now make it happen.

What i'm listening to:

The World We Live In
The Killers
Day & Age