There was a time when I was an angry young man. The world was terrifying, and I believed I was powerless to control... well... anything. It seems I was frequently one disaster away from moving back in with my parents.

I believed I was a nice guy, and that alone meant the world owed me something. Why should I change?

Then I discovered that old adage, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I discovered I didn’t like my life, but I didn’t have to continue holding on to the things I didn’t like about it either.

I quit playing video games. I quit watching television. I started reading. A lot. A lot of self-help books. Some of them were very “woo woo,” some of them, not so much.

Change began. So, it turns out, people can change.

The caveat is, s/he has to want to change. And it is a battle. Every. Day.

As a society, we have made it entirely too easy to simply drift through life. We’re taught to be kind, not to judge, and to help when we’re able.

And there are those who are truly less fortunate. Bad decisions notwithstanding, everyone deserves another chance. But there will come a time when those chances will be squandered, if you aren’t taking advantage of them to the fullest.

There are also those who are taught to take advantage of everyone who will give them an opportunity.

Note that I didn’t say, “take advantage of opportunity.”

I wish I could. But the hard reality is that there are those who are convinced the world owes them success, and the people on the planet are obstacles to overcome. All they know how to do is to take advantage of the kindness—without affecting any real change.

I have a friend who calls them grifters.

grif·ter n 1.) a person who operates a side show at a circus, fair, etc., especially a gambling attraction. 2.) a swindler, dishonest gambler, or the like.

Essentially, a con artist.

Perhaps he’s right. Some may not even realize they are manipulating those around them, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

Everyone has an agenda. Everyone. This is why it is critical to ally yourself with others who’s agendas are similar to your own. Challenging agendas will likely never be overcome.

I can sacrifice my agenda/dream/goal for a moment to truly help someone out, but that agenda/dream/goal will always be underlying... creating resentment... and tension.

Every day, I understand just a little bit more it’s not about being selfish. It’s about loving yourself first so you can be selfless.