Ah... reminiscing...

Why is it, when you’re approaching true change in your life and your self, your mind finds a way to dredge up the past.

All the books, all those songs, all those memories they evoke. Was it really so bad? No, it really wasn’t so bad.

The problem is—yes, yes it was. It really was that bad. If I was happy with the past, I wouldn’t be so desperate to make a change... a lasting change in my life.

I wouldn’t be trying so desperately to focus on the now, which in itself is a losing battle. To experience the now requires less focus, and certainly less desperation.

But I find my mind is incredibly resilient in not allowing me to let go.

Currently, the nation is in the middle of a free satellite radio preview, and as an added bonus, “Road Trip” radio is one of the channels being offered. An eclectic collection (even if it’s not terribly diverse) of music from several genres and spanning several decades that, quite simply, sounds great when you’re in the car and out on the open road.

I’m addicted to it. Even though I’ve listened enough to discover the playlist is not deep. Even though I WANT to be right here, right now. Even though...

No, I find myself turning it on and going back to whenever whatever song takes me back to, whether it was a moment from the fourth grade, or a moment from last Thursday.

And reading. I’ve read so many great books lately, yet I’m finding I want to read something familiar next. I’ve always loved re-reading books, which is why I rarely part with any portion of my library.

As I’ve stated earlier... the mind is super powerful, especially when it feels threatened. I’ve edged so close to the tipping point where I feel I’m about to break through and start experiencing success in life again; only to have the fog of memories settle in and ask me “why?”

Am I alone in this? I swear my mind is so conditioned to protect me from failure, that it’s gone too far and it’s protecting me from risk.

My mind is protecting me from my own success. I’m so close—I. must. break. through.

What i'm listening to:

Surrender
Cheap Trick
Heaven Tonight