I haven’t felt like this in so long… it feels so. Alien.

I swear to God, I never fall in love. Then you showed up and I can’t get enough of it.

Oh, who am I kidding. I always fall in love. Yet I don’t believe in love.

Damn.

Who even am I?

We’ve been talking all of… fifty-three days. And you’re still here. And I haven’t fucked it up yet—albeit not for my lack of trying.

You’re still here. You haven’t said “No” to me.

Not once.

Mmhmm.

I haven’t believed in love for a long, long time. I still may not.

Yet, something is here. You called it a vibe. Yet, you like me. Even if we don’t know what to do with this vibe.

Then, tonight, something happened. You are consuming my thoughts. Yes, I still love girls… practically all of them… and you’re at the top. I adore you. I will always adore you. Even if this goes sideways. (I hope it doesn’t.)

I don’t even know what to do right now. Yet, I hope you’ll stay with me. For a season. We only have a season. We should enjoy it.

God damn it.

Don Williams saw it coming. And Boz Scaggs.

I like you.

What i'm listening to:

Look What You’ve Done to Me
Boz Scaggs
Urban Cowboy

How do I get?
How do I get to sleep?
Please let me sleep?
Poetry, that'll work

Come, sweet slumber
Enshroud me in thy purple cloak
Hmm, doesn't even rhyme

It has been a while since I have been up and/or wide awake at four in the morning.

Six hours of sleep.

Yet, I feel fine. How I’ll feel later on remains to be seen, but for now…

When did six hours of sleep become… enough? Is it?

Overall, I think I’m in a good place. I am not depending on pancakes to handle bouts of insomnia.

Yet, occasionally…

I have been talking with someone new. She is fucking lovely. Seven weeks in, and we’re still talking. That may be a new record for me.

And when I don’t think too much, it’s glorious. It’s like we’ve known each other forever.

It may be safe to say, that any madness is coming from within my own head. How do I put my ego to sleep? Forever.

After all, if she didn’t like me, she wouldn’t still be here.

What i'm listening to:

Paranoimia
Art of Noise
Re-Works of Art of Noise

I want to read. Or write about how life isn’t fair, or about my recent trip. Or write to some friends who may be able to guide me through my current internal battle, before I screw it up with this girl I’m talking to. Or watch girls in bikinis race snowmobiles on a 10º day to raise money against breast cancer. Or watch the (Mis)Adventures of Hank Moody for the thousandth time. Or see and spend time with my Dutch treat.

Indeed, it’s been a long time since I’ve chosen not to take an audience. And to sit with a wet towel wrapped around my eyes. Wondering what, if anything, I can take.

And it’s been even longer since I’ve experienced snow blindness. I believe it was in high school. Either skiing, or snowmobiling. And it is miserable.

All I want. Is to sit. With my eyes closed. Forever.

And I still see, what appears to be headlights approaching from behind. Nothing but shadows thrown in front of me.

Protect your eyes, kids.

Who would ever have thought I’d use these blindfolds on myself?

What i'm listening to:

Seasons Change
Exposé
Exposure

Life truly is remarkable.

There is so much beauty out there.

To admire.

To take in.

To plug in to.

Incredible. Simply incredible.