It had it all, action, adventure, the hero, his girl, the nasty villain, the impossible situation for our hero.

Well, i'll give you three guesses who the girl was... you won't need 'em tho'. I will say, however, that as the dream progressed, she became very idealized. Not quite into a Mischa Barton/Reese Witherspoon... but not quite herself either.

And the villain? Well, he was FAR from his mid-50s! Farther than i am in fact. And he was very built, and very tall, and even somewhat witty. I suppose you could say he was "idealized" as well.

Our hero? Well, perhaps he was a little more than reality too. Let's just say i did some things in the dream that i did or would have done in my younger days that i probably wouldn't do now.

I suppose my action movie/dream isn't important... and i'm not sure i want to remember it, except for one very big thing i noted.

In the dream, she knew how to push my buttons. She did just enough to wrap me back around her finger, to attempt to "rescue" her from the situation she is now in, because she realizes (for whatever reason) that i am the one she will always love.

Which highlights my big fear.

You see, in my waking consciousness... i'm doing very well in my transition. I rarely think about her. I have little desire to be with her again. I don't really respect her judgment even if i have to respect her choices... because i firmly believe she is throwing everything good in her life away.

Exactly what she did in the dream. Except, in the dream she plays the prodigal and returns.

Which is probably what they mean when they say love is irrational. If she were to call me tomorrow... tell me she made a huge mistake... tell me she needs me now... tell me she's not worthy, but that she's sunk lower than bottom... what, what would i do?

And what if the real life villain, like the one in the dream, isn't at all willing to let her go... even if it means killing our hero.

What would i do?

I only hope and pray that i am smarter than that. I have moved on, i deserve... DESERVE... someone who CAN love me back. Someone who would never do what she did. Someone who has faith, and understands what love is... or at least knows how to love someone.

Who wants to be with me as much as i want to be with her.

Again, the fairy tale. I refuse to settle for anything less... for money, convenience, or ease, or anything else... i'm better than that.

At this point in the game, to go back to her would be a equivalent to giving up on everything i ever wanted... just like she did... because i now know she is faithless and dead inside. She gave in to the temptations of evil (yes, i still believe this guy is the embodiment of evil), and it killed the young woman i fell in love with and was willing to marry.

Someone who i still mourn everyday and will forever love... but someone who no longer exists.