You can’t understand how desperately I want one thing. Just one. And it’s not you, although (I do) I will devour you, given the chance.

No, what I want. Is to be that guy. The one she fantasizes about. The instant we meet.

Wait, that’s not it either. I know this.

I want to be the guy she wants to fuck. Girls know. Immediately.

Never? No, I don’t believe you. Maybe, I had it. For a minute.

However, I lost sight of it. That really is the only goal. Hell, maybe I was never the guy she’d fuck. I blew it? Yes. I should have said, “Do you wanna get out of here?”

The next guy did. I don’t want to be him. I only want to act as he did. Should I ever, ever, ever meet another like you, I do not want to lose another her to another him. Ever. Ever. Again.

Now, while I am raw, I’ve got it. Raw sexual energy. Now it’s time to harness it. Channel it. Use it.

Women get wet when I enter the room.

Women want to fuck me.

A girl like her will never look at a guy like me the same again. I WILL fuck the world. I WILL fuck you. I WILL bend you over into Downward Facing Dog and I WILL enter you from behind.

I owe it to myself to handle it. Here. Now. Anything less is wishes in my pocket.

It was a small memory. Of a choice. A conscious one.

Even though I eat healthy and limit the garbage, I still become sluggish after. Eating makes me tired.

And then, I observed that sleep frequently resulted in a deep fog. Lost clarity. And it takes time to reclaim the focus and return to a flow state.

So, I just stopped. Eating. Which worked. Next I was sleeping... less.

Seven hours a night dropped to ninety minutes.

And I’m fine. And clear. At first.

What would you do with an extra five hours a day? Especially if it occurs when all of your girls are asleep.

A lot of writing. Some of it beautiful. And some planning. And money making. Maybe I can do more of the latter.

Until the book is finished, at least.

Yet, one realization came too late. After my body began striving for a correction.

It is better to be consumed by darkness... than by love.

The nights became so long, because I was longing for restored connections. Obsession started creeping in. And other sinister energies.

Offsetting the flow state.

Now I know, however. The experiment will continue, focusing on my tesão over infatuation. And focusing on drive over wishing.

And listening to my body. It knows everything I do not.

Right now, it requires balance. So, full nights of sleep have returned. And my appetite. Yet, when normalcy arrives... I’ll do it again.

Now that I know—that I’m aware I did it—I won’t have the urge to tell others, and raise their concerns (and stroke my ego and neediness).

I am excited for the next round. When I’m ready. It’s sooner than I think.